Christmas in South Africa

PART ONE

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On Christmas Day we go away,

down to the sea and sand.

To swim and dig and jump and play,

in the land where Santa’s banned.

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He won’t come here – it’s far too hot,

he’ll melt right down in that arctic suit.

He stays up north, he’s not a clot,

and chooses the sensible route.

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The hemispherical divide is his ending line,

he just bounces off it.

He crossed it once, but the committee of nine, the reindeer, had a fit;

and Rudolf led the accompanying whine.

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But it’s okay, as Christmas seems cock-eyed,

down here in the south, where the skin gets fried.

Rows of cards with robins, scarfs and snow,

basking in the glow of a blazing-down sun;

it just doesn’t go.

So we’ll play on the beach and have some fun.

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PART TWO

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But not long ago, I had a panacea.

I think I discovered a well thought out, spur of the moment, idea.

In this world where everything’s cloned,

what if Christmas was merely postponed.

We could have gluhwein and roaring fires in June,

when it’s our cold winter nights that strike up their tune.

On our own, separate Christmas, we could have our merry feast,

And wait for our Santa, silhouetted across the moon.

As he gets near, we’ll break out the beer and give him a cheer,

and feed him full of Pap and Vleis, at least.

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If the real Santa and elves are too busy or tired,

We could get the clone Santta, and whatever’s required.

We don’t need the elves, we have the Aziza,

They’re already here, and don’t need a visa.

Don’t disturb Donner and Blitzen, the cold deer of the pole,

We have graceful gemsbok, that we can enrol.

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The more I think, the more I crave,

to have the best of both worlds: the sun and the wave;

AND wrap up in the cold,

the cosy log fire, with the presents on hold.

As Santta comes calling, we must behave,

at least once a year, or he may not appear.

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These are my thoughts, for what they are worth.

It’s not great when you’re young, to see the north’s fun.

‘Cos although Christmas is all over the earth,

It’s not the same down here, and we miss it a ton.