Sometimes, it feels like I am stuck behind a sheet of ice -
Above it, I can see everyone I love.
They are dancing. They are alive.
Playing the game.
They cannot see me lying down here,
Staring at the wrapper on the floor.
Staring at the invite on my phone.
I am too tired to celebrate.
I am too tired to pick up the trash.
My sister, though-
she takes a hammer to the ice.
A tsunami of tears come gushing through as it shatters-
Big enough to take out everyone in our world.
They all run at the sight of it.
But not her.
She always stays.
Other people might look right through her.
She is the smallest thing I’ve ever seen that is bigger than everything else.
I remember the way she learned to be kind, so nimbly.
You can see it in her fingertips.
The way she stretches herself thin for things she may never quite grasp.
But there is always intention.
A kind smile-
laughter like sunshine, in a world that’s always felt like storm.
Melting all the blue away.
She does not have to be the lion, or its claws.
The gentle arms, or the hammer.
The one who sees.
Who hears.
Who wakes.
So tired- eyes gleaming with love.
She just is these things-
She knows no other way to be.
We walk the desert,
taking turns carrying each other on our backs.
Loosening nooses;
One speaking gently as the other one roars.
Silent understanding,
And then laughing until we cry.
Laughing so loud it feels like an earthquake.
Until we scare them all away.
We are eye contact in a room full of people-
“you are the only one I’ll ever know this way.”
Hold my hand, and walk this journey with me forever.
That is what our love is.
Resilience. Radiance. Raw. Beautiful.
My sister, my best friend.
I love you, purely & unconditionally-
In this life, and forever after.
We are the same.
You are the only one in this world who is the same as me.
When I’m laying in my bed
and I feel all alone,
I think of my sister,
And then I am home.
