His Silence - Chapter 34

It’s half past twelve. I’m about to head out of my room for lunch up at the house, when there’s a knock on my door. I wrench it open, expecting to see Oliver standing there, but it’s Mary. She’s wearing the same clothing she was wearing the last time I saw her; white trousers and a white top, the same as everyone else. I suspect she might’ve been the person who pulled the living room door shut, when we passed it up at the house earlier, to stop us hearing whatever it was they were discussing inside. Were they talking about me and Callum? They must’ve been.

‘Ah, Danielle, I was hoping to find you. Do you mind if we go for a quick walk before lunch?’ she asks, her voice bright.

She’s staring at me expectantly, waiting for my answer. I don’t want to go with her, I want to see Callum. I pinch at the fabric of my clothes.

‘Yeah, OK,’ I say, my pulse quivering. ‘Let me just grab my phone.’

Was it my imagination or did Mary stiffen? I grab the phone off my bedside cabinet and slip it into my pocket, trying to ignore the alarm bells flashing in my mind. Oliver still hasn’t got back to me with the Wi-Fi password, and that was a couple of hours ago I last spoke to him. I can’t push him for it though. I need to be patient, even though Emma and Michael always used to say I was never good with being patient.

‘All ready?’ she asks. I nod. ‘Good, we’ll go for a walk down the path, outside the house. It’ll be so good to get you on my own for a while.’

Mary clutches my arm and half pulls me out of the annexe with her. I get a whiff of her perfume, which makes me want to cough, but I try my best not to. Abraham, the man who spoke to me in the kitchen the last time I was here before I left, is in the garden. He’s wearing the same clothing as Mary. He’s tending to what looks like a vegetable patch by the side of the house, there’s a spade in his right hand covered in mud. He glances across at me; I look away.

‘Mary, d’you mind me asking why everyone here, apart from Oliver, wears the same clothing?’ I ask.

‘Oh, it’s tradition,’ she says patting my arm. ‘We’ve been here for more than twenty years now, most of us, anyway. Eve’s the only fairly new person here; I’ll introduce you properly to her later today, I think Oliver may have told you about her the last time you came here. Wearing the same clothing gives us a real sense of community; it makes us feel as though we’re a part of something.’ I get the sense she’s not told me the real reason why. Is it something Oliver insists? We walk round the side of the house, my shoes squelching in the soft grass and onto the driveway. A sharp, salty breeze stings my cheeks, carrying with it the stench of the marshes. I rub my eyes as they begin to water. I suppose it’s something I’ll get used to over time staying here. ‘Now, I wanted to ask you how much Oliver explained to you about our community here; which your parents were once a part of.’

‘He’s told me a little bit,’ I reply, thinking back to our first conversation more than a week ago now.

My shoe slaps into a puddle sending a grubby stain up the leg. Shoot. Mary continues to pull me in the direction of the main gate.

‘Well, as you may have noticed, we have, near enough, an even number of men and women here. Most of the people, who you’ll gradually get to know over the course of the coming days were lost souls when they came to us, but once they arrived here we put them on the right path, we made them see what their true potential was, and helped guide them towards their forever partner.’

I frown at Mary; she’s making this place sound like some sort of match making centre. Is that was this place is? ‘So, everyone here is paired up?’ I ask.

‘Well, most of us. What Oliver teaches us, is that we have one true soul partner in this world, I . . . I did have mine, but he, um, he died quite a while ago now.’ There’s a tremor in her voice.

She stops; her grip on my arm tightening. ‘I’m sorry,’ I say.

She shakes her head. ‘It’s been a while now, but every time I think of what happened, it hits me like a sledgehammer. Anyway, like I was saying, of course, you were born here all those years ago, but some other force, greater than ourselves, has guided you back to us. You must feel as though you’re at home here, don’t you?’ She says the last part of her sentence with so much force it’s like she wants me to believe what she’s saying.

‘Um.’ A man and a woman are standing outside the back of the house, holding hands, talking to each other, their heads almost touching. They both look so happy. Even Emma and Michael don’t hold hands like that, well; I never see them do it. ‘Well, it hasn’t even been a day yet, but I’m sure, with time, it’ll feel like home.’

We stop walking. Mary’s staring out at the marshland over the hedges to my left. My eyes snake around the little channels of water and the dark grey mud which makes me shiver. It makes this place feel like we’re at the very end of the earth. Ahead of us is the imposing white gate, now shut. It looks fairly new though. Has the community always been gated? An image of my parents escaping this place filters through into my mind. I can see them trying to be as quiet as they can while they bundle themselves into Ian’s car. How many people have accidentally stumbled across this place while out walking? Has anyone ever stopped and asked for help, for someone to point them in the right direction? I swallow. Somehow, I don’t expect they would get a warm reception.

‘If you follow everything Oliver teaches us, you’ll feel as though you’ve reached eternity, I promise you that,’ she says. ‘There are exercises which you will be asked to practise, and when you start to do them, you’ll find your forever partner isn’t so far out of reach.’

I shake my head. ‘I’m not sure I’m ready to settle down with anyone yet.’

Mary smiles. ‘Oh, believe me, I felt the same as you did when I was your age, I was so certain of what I wanted to do with my life; I wanted to study medicine. When I was younger than you are now I dreamed of becoming a midwife, but sometimes you don’t get to choose what path your life takes you on.’

‘Right,’ I say. I want to go back to the house. I want to find Callum, but Mary’s still holding my arm. ‘Mary, were you close to my parents when they lived here?’

A wide smile breaks across her lips. ‘Oh yes, we got on so well, particularly your mother and I, she had everything going for her, but she chose to . . . anyway, I’m rambling on. But yes, I just wanted to explain a little about what we do here, but Oliver will give a more detailed overview at lunch. So, you and Callum, the pair of you are very close, are you and he?’ She breaks off, as though she’s not sure what to say next.

‘If you’re asking if we’re boyfriend and girlfriend, no, Callum’s more like a brother to me,’ I say. I think about the time Callum asked me to the leaver’s do.

‘As friends, yeah?’ I’d said to him.

There’d been a slight pause before he’d replied. ‘Yeah of course.’ He’d tried so hard to keep the disappointment out of his voice, but it had still slipped through, making me hate myself. But we can only be friends. There’s no way he’s going to be interested in me in that way now, not after I turned him down.

It was the first time he’d shown any sign of being romantically interested in me. I’d shut him down. I hadn’t wanted to get closer to him. I couldn’t stop thinking, if we become a couple that I might . . .

‘Oh, it’s just you seem very close, I just thought . . . never mind, it was just my imagination going into overdrive, something I’ve never got under control. Shall we take a mooch back then? I’m sure you must be hungry, I am too,’ Mary replies.

I nod. She wanted to say something to me a few moments ago, but chose not to. Something about my parents?

We turn around; the couple who were standing outside the house a moment ago have disappeared back into the house.