His Silence - Chapter Twenty

‘So Danielle, why don’t you tell everyone a little bit about your life now?’ Oliver suggests, fixing his gaze on me.

Everyone falls silent and looks in my direction. Sitting beside me on the left is Jeremiah, I’ve a feeling he’s sort of Oliver’s right hand man here. They must run the place together, whatever it is. I finish chewing a piece of lasagne. It’s surprisingly good. A little bit about me, God I’ve always hated talking about myself to strangers, they’re going to be expecting I’ve achieved some big things, not that I’ve been stuck in the same dead beat job I’ve hated for the past five years. They're going to be disappointed. My heart begins to thud against my chest. I eye Callum, he’s sitting a few chairs away, next to the woman who first spoke to me earlier, Mary I think she said her name was. She keeps sort of looking at him like he’s a naughty child. There’s a man sitting beside her, on her other side. I keep thinking he must be her partner, from the way they keep looking across at each other. There’s a tattoo of some sort of bird on his neck, I can't quite work out what one it is. It makes me think of the summer days, when my grandfather would take me bird watching, during the school holidays. We would sit in the garden for hours and he always knew how to make it so much fun. Tears prick my eyes, but I blink them back.  

‘Well, um. I live with my parents . . . my adoptive parents, in this tiny village in Essex, so not too far away from here; it took us about an hour to drive here today. I design websites for people, which is something I’ve been doing for about five years now, although I’m not sure if it’s something I want to continue with long term. It doesn’t exactly pay very well at the moment,' I say, my voice shaking as my gaze fixes on everyone sitting further down the table. 

‘And what about school? Did you do well?’ Oliver asks.

I wish he would stop asking me questions. ‘I . . .’  what would my education have been like if I'd grown up here? I’m not sure what the nearest school to here is. I certainly don’t have any memories of going to school. Did they home school Harvey and I? ‘I guess I struggled to fit in at school really, especially as everyone already knew everything about me, and what happened to my parents. People used to question me about what happened all the time, but in the end they left me alone. After that people found being around me awkward, like they didn’t know what to say to me. That’s why Callum’s so important to me; he’s always been there for me, especially when I struggled with bullies at senior school,' I reply. 

Everyone looks towards Callum. He sort of half smiles. Eve continues to look towards him, even when everyone else, refocuses their attention on me. I swallow as I notice the dreamy look in her eye. At least Callum doesn’t appear to have noticed Eve staring at him.

‘Well, I’m very grateful to Callum for being there for you,’ Oliver says, holding up his glass and smiling at him. It’s the first sign of friendship he’s shown towards Callum since we arrived. ‘It must’ve been extremely challenging for you, navigating those early years of your life.’

I pick up my fork and plunge it into the lasagne again. ‘It was.’

I’m glad Oliver doesn’t put me on the spot again, he must’ve realised from the tone of my voice that I found answering his questions uncomfortable. When I finish eating I look at my phone. It’s gone six p.m. I haven’t had any missed calls or messages from Mum or Dad.

‘Is everything OK, Danielle?’ Jeremiah asks.

‘Um, yeah, it is, I think I just need to let my parents know what I’m doing this evening,’ I say, rubbing the back of my neck. I feel as though I’ve just been caught cheating in a school exam by looking at my phone. Since everyone sat down for dinner, I’ve not seen one person get out their phone and check it, not even Eve. I think back to Jeremiah asking Callum not to take any photos.

‘You’re more than welcome to stay the night if you wish,’ Oliver says. ‘It can be a bit dangerous driving back from here in the dark, particularly as there are no street lamps.’

No street lamps. I hadn’t been paying attention to that when we were driving here. Callum’s watching me. He’ll want to know what Jeremiah and Oliver are talking to me about. I notice Mary talking to the man with the tattoo on his neck beside her. She laughs at something he says and holds her hand over her mouth. I try to work out what it is they're talking about, but the sound of everyone else chatting muffles everything.

‘Is there a toilet I could just use?’ I ask.

Oliver points towards the door I came through earlier. ‘Through the door, up the stairs and it’s the first door on your right.’

‘Thanks,’ I say. I'm surprised he doesn't ask Eve or Mary to go with me. 

My chair scrapes across the wooden floorboards. I get up. I can feel everyone’s eyes on me as I leave the room. I will Callum to get up and follow me, but he remains seated. It would look a bit strange to everyone if he followed me out of the room.

The moment I begin to climb the stairs, the chatter in the barn continues. The floorboards creak as I make my way up to the landing, my shadow growing across the wall. When I get to the top I stare down the long corridor to my left. There are doors opposite each other on both sides hallway. This must be where everyone sleeps. This would've been where my family and I slept when we lived here. The realisation makes my body go cold. Straight ahead of me there’s a window overlooking the garden. I peer out and stare at the darkening sky and the shimmering mist on the marshes. To me it makes me think of spirits lost forever, wandering the earth. There’s a light on in the annexe I saw outside in the garden earlier. It’s got to be living quarters. Is it where Oliver sleeps? I can imagine him having the largest room here. I look to my right. There’s the toilet. I move towards it, but stop. I glance over my shoulder again down the corridor. There’s no light on up here, not even a lamp. It would be interesting to have a look in the rooms; that might give me a sense of who everyone here is. My heart begins to thump in my chest. I listen out for anyone who might be coming up the stairs, but I can only hear the noise of people chatting.

I edge further down the hallway, the floorboards creaking under my weight. I stand outside the first room, and try the handle. It’s locked. Damn. I try the one on the other side. It’s also locked. I try every single door, but they won’t open. I stand still at the other end of the corridor, breathing steadily. I can’t hear the sounds of people chatting this far away from the stairs. The silence seems to swallow me up, making the corridor ahead of me back to the staircase, seem longer than it is. Why are all the doors locked? Surely if all these people are living together, and have been living with each other for years, it must mean they trust one another. They wouldn’t think anyone would go into their room and steal their personal belongings.

I pull out my phone. There’s no signal at this end. I hurry back the way I came; I get two bars by the toilet door. Yes. I open my contacts and call Mum. The phone continues to ring. Why does she never pick up when I want her to?

‘Danielle,’ Mum’s voice appears on the other end.

‘Mum,’ I say clamping my hand to my forehead. ‘I . . . I wanted to let you know that me and Callum have found this little B&B, they’ve got a couple of rooms free tonight, so we’re thinking of staying.’

‘Oh, that’s fine, sweetie, where is it? You’ll have to let me know what it’s like.’

‘Oh, um, God I can’t remember, I’ll have to go outside and check, but it’s lovely, right on the sea front. We’re just going to get sorted and go out for something to eat, I think. I just wanted to ring you to let you know so you weren’t worried about where I was.’

‘Well, it sounds like the pair of you have had a fun day.’

‘Yeah, it’s been great.’ The lie feels thick in my throat. ‘I’ll ring you when we leave in the morning.’

‘Try and make a weekend of it if you can, I’m sure Callum would love to.’

I roll my eyes. I’m sure Mum thinks something more is going on between me and Callum than there actually is, we’re just friends nothing more than that.

‘I’ll see what he says, love you,' I reply. 

‘Love you, sweetie, enjoy yourself.’

Mum hangs up. I breathe a sigh of relief. Now all I have to do is tell Callum we’re not going home tonight. I begin to make my way back down the stairs, my whole body trembling as I head back into the dining room.