After Callum left this afternoon, I wanted to text Jerimiah to let him know we’re coming tomorrow, but I decided against it. There might be every chance I might not be able to go, and then Jeremiah will think I’m not interested. It doesn’t seem likely he’ll come back to visit me after today, he told me it had to be my choice. His last words seemed pretty final.

I plunge my fork into my mashed potato and eye where the cheese has melted, forming thick golden yellow clumps. Dad can't have mashed potato without cheese, something his mother brought him up on. He even loves it with gravy. It's a good job I love it as well. ‘Mum, just thought I’d let you know, Callum and I are thinking about going out for a day trip tomorrow,’ I say.

Mum takes a sip of her water. ‘A day trip. Sounds fun, where you thinking of going?’

I shrug. ‘Not sure yet, we’re just gonna get in the car and go for a drive, perhaps down to Leigh on Sea.’ I place the mashed potato in my mouth.

‘Oh, do you remember those times when we used to go to Adventure Island at Southend, just up the road from Leigh on Sea?’ Mum says, beaming. ‘You used to love the helter skelter slide. It’s still there, I think.’

‘No way, it can’t be, it must’ve been at least fifty years old when I used to go on it.’ I laugh. ‘Wasn’t it called Peter Pan’s Playground though?’

‘It was, but it changed its name a few years ago. Perhaps you should go there tomorrow, take a trip down memory lane.’

‘Maybe,’ I say.

‘So, what time you thinking of going?’ Dad asks.

I finish chewing on the potato. ‘Oh, it’ll be early. We want to make the most of the day, and I think the weather’s supposed to be alright, so that’ll be a plus. I suspect we’ll be leaving at about nine. We’re not sure what time we’re gonna be back though, I’ll text you though to let you know what we’re doing.’

‘You should make a weekend of it,’ Dad suggests. ‘You could book a B&B somewhere.’

I shift in my seat; I’ve always found it surprising that Mum and Dad have always been keen for me to do whatever I've wanted to do, so long as I’m sensible. I would’ve thought they would’ve wanted to be more protective, considering what happened in my past. ‘We might do, depends how we’re feeling, but I doubt we’re going to get a room anywhere at this short notice.’

‘Well, make sure you take your toiletries and a set of clothes just in case,’ Mum says.

‘Sure.’

I glance at my dinner. I wonder how Callum’s getting on with his parents, and if he’s talking to them round their dinner table right now. Actually, he'll still be at the pub; he'll want to speak to his mum on the phone, rather than face to face. Unlike mine, they much prefer to know about stuff in advance. If he springs it onto them now that we’re thinking about going away for the weekend, it’ll get his mum into a right state. She’s been like that for as long as I can remember, she hates it when people drop by unannounced as well. That’s why I always make sure I ring at least a couple of hours in advance, if I know I’m going round. It shouldn't be like that, we're both adults.   

‘Who’s going to drive?’ Dad asks.

‘Oh, we’ll take it in turns. I think Callum’s going to drive there and I’ll drive back. We’ll let you know though if we do decide to stay down there for the night.’

I pick my phone up off the table and message Callum. He texted me a picture half an hour ago of him, and the usual gang, sitting round the table with a few beers, asking me to reconsider coming out. They’re probably still there; there’s no way he’ll be home this early on a Friday night. Perhaps they'll venture out to the clubs later, but he won't want to get smashed if we're going out tomorrow.

Mission accomplished, have you told your Mum and Dad? Xx

He replies in seconds.

Yep all good to go, spoke to Mum on the phone earlier. Come and join us seriously Danielle you’re missing out.

I check the time. It’s coming up to quarter past seven; by the time I get ready and get there it’s going to be eight pm. I know what Mum would say to me, she’d be telling me to go and enjoy myself.

No, really not up to it tonight. I’ll see you tomorrow though.

I place my phone face on the table. Can I really do this? Mum’s chatting to Dad now about some woman she was speaking to at the nail salon earlier, but only part of their conversation filters through. From the look on Dad’s face, it makes me wonder if he’s really listening, we’ll both be in the dog house if Mum expects a response from either of us to anything she’s just said. This time tomorrow I’ll be with the people I knew for the first six years of my life; the people who knew my family best. I try to think of all the questions I want to ask, but my mind is a scrambled mess, I can’t think straight. Perhaps tomorrow I’ll be able to think more clearly, but I doubt it.

What will they be able to say to me tomorrow that Harvey wasn’t prepared to tell me? There’s no way I’m going to be able to sleep tonight thinking about it.