The Executive Assistant

While at the first round interview today for the new job I'd been after for ages, I met the most charming lady.

There were 20 of us to start with, in two groups of ten. I was pretty confident from my decades of experience, and being the gentleman I am, thinking she would play nice, I treated her with kid gloves during the group interview. At the least expected moment, she landed quite a blow that left me reeling. But this ended up making me like her all the more. If I get the job, I'm gonna remember this foxy lady. She seems to have spunk, and it makes me feel alive.



It's been a long and drawn out process for the cushy executive position I've been applying to, but it's in the final stretch. I'm one of the final two candidates now. I called up the foxy lady from last year who showed me up in that first-round interview and asked if she would be my executive assistant if I won the job. After asking some questions about my medical history, which seemed a little funny, she accepted.



I got the job. It was very close, but I called in some special favors and managed to knock out my competitor for the position. It's been a very busy first week. My gorgeous new assistant suggested we hire a hypnotist at the office, just for fun. More later.



There's been a lot of drama and criticism of my experience at work lately, even from my closest supporters, who accuse me of abandoning my principles. They're wrong, and I never make mistakes. But I can't quite remember what actually happened.

The new pills my assistant K's been giving me feel great though. I see rainbows and chocolate smiles whenever I take them, and my troubles melt away. I sent K on a trip to Paris as a reward. Now, if only I could remember where I put those codes.



More challenges at work today. A major competitor is trying to acquire one of our customers. I was going to take some action on it, but K told me it was under control, and increased the med doses I've been taking. Everything feels even better now.



We've been letting in lots of unqualified candidates to our organization lately and I tasked K to look into it. She smiled sweetly and told me she's on it.



The spending binge I've had us on has weakened our financial position, and folks are starting to complain. K told me it's ok though, and that I should just hire more people who look like her. That sounds like a great idea. K is always right. God, I love my executive assistant.



We've let so many people into our organization and prices have gone up so much that my job approval is in the toilet. But that's ok, because I disagree with the polls. And my dog keeps biting my bodyguards. They really need to toughen up.



My job is up for grabs again, and the same guy I had to compete with last time is back in contention. I'm gonna school this guy with my hand tied behind my back. K says I've got this, and she has my back 100%.



I crushed it in the debate last night. My wife said so. So did K. She gave me lot of those special pills for the debate, and I don't remember too much about that night, other than that I beat Medicare because those drugs are so damn good.



Lots of people are saying I should drop out of the running for the organization. But K has my back for sure. Still can't find those nuclear codes that are missing. I wonder who has them.



In the secret white room deep underground, everything is peaceful. I prerecorded a bunch of videos after K gave me some drugs, and now I just eat jello and meds all day long. Life is one big rainbow.

Sometimes, I wonder who's sitting upstairs at my old desk in the Oval Office.