I remember... but I love you! I want you to know that I am and will always be your baby girl! I'm writing this letter in hopes you understand me through the trials I've faced. But know through it all I love you!

When I was the younger version of myself, this woman you see I wanted nothing more than to be with you to escape all the mental abuse and trauma I experienced as a child. I wanted the person, the man who I considered to be my hero, my knight and shining armor to save me from all the heartaches, the hurt and the pain. But through it all I still looked up to you and I love you!

You kept me close so you thought but the prey was praying and was even in my own sacred homeland. But know I love you!

I had to come to grips with the things which happened during my thirty nine years. Things of God's plans and not mines or yours. I felt if only you truly knew than you would have been there to help save your sweet baby girl. Over the years I never knew how to expose these oh so hidden truths but on today I want you to know that I love you!

Your sweet baby girl that you thought you once knew has been through so much that only the blue skies knew. Your baby has been mentally, physically, sexually and emotionally abused. I tend to look for love in all the wrong places. I tend to need a lot of reassurance. I get attached rather to quickly and have picked up things so easily with high anxiety levels. My trust levels are zero percent, my train of thought is to always think the worse of the worse in any and all situations . I've become secret in majority of the areas of my life because of particular things instilled in me. I needed love and someone, anyone to pick up on the moods, the changes in me. None of these things are your fault as something's are just a way and part of life. But know I still love you!

I grew up from your baby girl to a grown woman to know, understand and learn that you were fighting your own demons. I never judged you because you've always been that apple in my eye. Although as a father you put your selfish needs before mines and I can say I still love you! You broke my heart many of times but I still love you! You missed some of the most important milestones of my life from what I considered lame excuses. You told me something I could never forget and made me think twice on how I should perceive my dad. "As a woman you should never be broke ". Although some may agree and believe it to be true, would you truly encourage this type of risky behavior for your baby girl? But know and understand that I still love you!

I have so many feelings, emotions running through my mind, body and my soul right now. I'm trying to heal and peel off those added layers which serve me no more purpose. This wasn't entirely for you but something I merely needed for closure. I can finally LET IT GO! I forgave you for calling me while you were getting high, to the point of being out of your mind. I forgave you for missing my graduation. I forgave you for overlooking why I distant myself from particular people or why I don't like this or that person because of them molesting me. I forgave you for anytime I've needed your help you chose not to help. I forgave you for not knowing how to love me, not knowing my likes, my dislikes, placing women before me. I forgave you and have forgiven you! It wasn't for you but mainly for me because I want to stop remembering. Even with your trust issues, something's have attempted to be carried on to become generational but im here now, the curse breaker!