Reaching puberty

I was about sixteen

When my mother caught me

Nose in a playboy magazine

Cooing like a turtle dove

In selflove

Barely legal

On an afterschool special

In an extracurricular activity

At a hand party

First and a half base

A surprising look on my face

Massaging the man muscle

As tribute picture catalogued

More for the playmates than the articles

I flog the log

In the good old fashion fun

Of dating Miss Michigan

In an attempt to strain the main vein

Baby bat in the brain

Communing with nature

Thinking with Peters

Despite the study of juvenal Sunday morals

Became my new normal

Sheltered at home

With adult entertainment

In solitary confinement

Wrestling a gnome

As my own best friend

I gave myself a hand

Buffing the bat

For hand to gland combat

Beating off

Takes a load off

Living the hype

With a clean pipe

Patient as Job

Exploring onanism

Polishing the knob

To go beyond tv guide erotism

Left me to my own device

Viewers discretions advice

Not just to Netflix’s and chill’s alone

Romancing the bone

X-rated in lighting the fuse

For self-abuse

Tested the video quality

Of blue movies

Consulting with a silent partner

About phaser’s on stun

Being a wiener misdemeanor

And walking around with a loaded gun

A culture crime

In happy time

Bashing  the bishop

That sizes up

To tame the beast

Bribing the priest

Gropes the rope

Of fooling the Pope

In discovering my potential

This “Menage a Moi”

Contrary to what’s mentioned in the bible

With its certain “je ne Sais quoi”

Though defiling the body as a sacred temple

Doesn’t devalue the family jewels