For a summary of what's happened, please see author notes.

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2nd September 2023

I can’t stop thinking about what Ruth said to me yesterday at the café. I clench my fists, what the hell was going on with Susannah? I wipe my right eye and throw the remote onto the coffee table, switching off the television, there’s only so much of daytime television I can stand. At least Rachel’s gone into work today, so I'm not going to have her keeping an eye on me. 

I head into the hallway, intent on picking up my car keys from the console table, when a knock at the front door makes me jump. I stare at the door for what seems like a long moment. God, what if it’s another journalist? The letter box flaps open.

‘Stacey, are you there?’

I freeze. It’s Daniel. What the hell is he doing here? I edge over to the door and tentatively open it. Blinding sunlight makes me squint. Daniel’s standing in the doorway, he’s on his own.

I fold my arms across my chest. ‘What the hell are you doing here?’ I ask.

He frowns at me, he looks like shit, there are heavy bags under his eyes and his hairs all ruffled. ‘I just thought I’d pop in and see how you’re doing, I realised I haven’t spoken to you since I saw you at Queens Hospital the other day; if you’re busy I can come back another time.’

A silence stretches out between us. I want to tell him to get lost, but instead I stand aside to let him through. I’m actually interested to hear what he wants to say to me.

‘Tea or coffee?’ I ask padding into the kitchen.

‘I won’t say no to a cuppa,’ he says, closing the door behind me as he follows me. I have to stop myself from shaking my head. Always the same, he didn’t quite get the hint in my voice I want his visit to be brief.

I make my way over to the kettle and flick it on. ‘This is unexpected, you popping in to see if I’m OK,’ I say.

He sits at the table. God, he looks uncomfortable. Has Rachel asked him to drop in? I grab two mugs off of the draining board.

‘Well, I was just in the area and thought I’d stop off on the way back to mine. So how’ve you been doing? Rachel mentioned to me you’ve been looking around for volunteering work, that’s good,’ he says, sitting down at the table.

I stiffen. So, Rachel has spoken to him. I wish she wouldn’t keep me in the dark, I would’ve at least liked to have had a warning that Daniel was going to pop round. ‘Yeah, I popped into Chelmsford the other day, to be honest though I’m really not sure about it. I’ve grown used to retired life recently.’ I let out a slight laugh.

‘You could always do some part time work,’ he suggests, shrugging. ‘See what they’ve got available locally; maybe you could just do something for a couple of days a week.’

I sigh. ‘I wish everyone would stop prying into my life and making me do things I don’t want to do. I’m fine, I will be fine, it’s just going to take some time to adjust to things.’

He nods. The kettle finishes roaring and I pour boiling water into two cups. Daniel takes a long gulp when I pass him his drink. He must be keen to get going.

He bangs the cup back on the table. ‘I just don’t like the thought of you sitting around at home all day thinking about everything that’s happened. I know things didn’t work out between us, but I do still care about you, Stacey. Rachel . . . Rachel also tells me you went to see Joshua.’

I sit in the chair opposite him. I can’t remember the last time we had a proper chat like this. When I used to drop the kids off at his place, I’d wait in the car, wave from the car seat and drive off; I never used to want to hang around for a chat. I wish things could’ve been more pleasant between us at the time, but I was so angry with him for going off with someone younger than me. It made me feel like something he’d grown too tired and he wanted to be shot of. ‘Yes, I just wanted to see him. You know someone’s already beaten him up in prison. He denies someone attacked him, but it’s clear he’s lying about it.’

‘What happened?’ Daniel asks a hint of concern in his voice.

‘He says he slipped in the shower, but his eye was all battered and bruised. It was awful. I hate the thought of people targeting him in there.’

Daniel sighs and takes a sip of his tea. ‘I hate to say it, but it’s something we’ve got to expect I suppose, for the crime he committed it . . . it puts you amongst the lowest of the low in prison.’

I have to fight back the urge to tell Daniel he’s wrong, that Joshua didn’t kill Susannah. If I do say something, it’ll only create tension. ‘I just wish there was something we could do,’ I say, rubbing my forehead.

‘Things will get . . . will get easier, I’m sure they will. I know what I said to you at the hospital was harsh, but believe me; I’ve been suffering the same as you since this whole business began. How could our son have done something like that? We gave him everything in life to give him the best possible start, and he threw it all away.’

I take a long gulp of my tea. ‘How are things at yours?’ I ask, in a way to move the subject along.

‘Oh, yeah, um, fine, Chloe’s just started helping her sister out with this new business venture she’s got going, she can work from home so it means she can still look after Abigail. You’re not still in contact with this Lucie, are you?’

I shake my head. ‘No, of course not, I haven’t seen her since the hospital.’ I lie.

He takes another sip of his drink, although he gives me a look that suggests to me that he doesn’t believe what I’m saying. ‘OK, that’s good.’

He smiles at me and I do my best to smile back. I begin to tap my foot under the table. ‘Did you and Susannah have any conversations at all, you know, shortly before she was murdered?’ I ask.

I’d thought twice before asking the question, but it slipped into my head a few moments ago.

He stares at me. ‘Um, we may have done, I can’t really remember, it’s been over a year now since she was murdered. Why do you ask?’

I shrug. ‘No real reason, I’ve just been thinking about something, that’s all.’ I say.

An awkward silence passes between us, before Daniel finishes off his tea. ‘Thanks for the tea. Listen, if you want any help in searching for a job you can always give me a call, but I’m sure Rachel will be able to help you.’

‘Thank you, but I’ll be fine,’ I say. ‘Thanks for popping round.’

I follow him out into the hallway, his answer to my question playing on loop inside my head.

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Characters:

Stacey (mother of Joshua) 

Lucie (foreman of the jury)

Joshua (Stacey's son)

Susannah (murder victim) 

Rachel (Stacey's daughter)

Daniel (Stacey's ex-husband) 

Ruth (journalist) 

DI Dominic Hitchens (lead detective)