I hope Biden wins the popular vote,

But Trump the electoral--barely.

I hope there’s a huge ballot-box controversy

And the matter goes to court,

But the judges are split,

And the case drags on for years.

I hope the voting machines malfunction

And suspicions on absentee voting arise.

I hope voter turnout is low

For both parties.

I hope many Democrats vote Republican

And Republicans vote Democrat.

I hope Independents stand transfixed at the ballots,

Never deciding which way to cast.

I hope Trump is sentenced to prison

In multiple states,

But that he campaigns from his cell

And wins more support.

I hope Biden forgets his own name

At the debates,

And where he is,

And what he’s there for.

I hope Trump pounces on this,

Insults and jeers him,

But gets booed as a backlash.

I hope the candidates could have been different—

Not even necessarily better—

From both parties.

But, ahh, who am I kidding?

This is the frickin’ U S of A,

Where we love to do things

Arse up!

Biden versus Trump?

Either way, we’re sunk!

God bless America!