Say What, Joe?

I’m Charles Brown. Brown of Brown and Schucker. Yeh, that Joe Schucker. Most of you don’t remember them days of Vaudeville, so let me fill you in a bit: In our country  Vaudeville was a light entertainment popular from the mid-1890s until the early 1930s that consisted of 10 to 15 individual unrelated acts, featuring magicians, acrobats, comedians, trained animals, jugglers, singers, and dancers.

Yeah, we all had a ball. On the Keith Circuit, playing four a day.

If only TV had come round sooner, we could’ve made a big payoff. We had our routines down so solid we could do them in our sleep.

That is why our troubles began.

Look, I’ll show you, this is one of our routines:

“Say, Charlie, my brother- in law is out of work again. I wish he’d learn a trade so I could find out what kind of work he’s out of!”

And I come back with my reply” “Say it ain’t so, Joe!”

Here are a couple of more examples:

“Say, Charlie! You know why our wives love Chinese food so much? It’s cause they know won ton spelled backwards is not now!”

“Say it ain’t so, Joe!”

And, of course, there’s our classic:

“There was a beautiful young girl knocking on my door all night! Too bad, I finally had to let her out!”

“Say it ain’t so, Joe!”

Well, you get the picture. I am so tired of being the “Say it ain’t so, Joe guy.”

I told my partner I’m fed up with it all.

“But, you’ve got to say it,” says Joe. “The people expect it of you!”

“Can’t I at least have more of the funny lines?”

“No, that was our agreement when we signed the percentage contract.”

“Then how about we change the line. Change it to anything…Wowee, Joe! Furgoodnessaske, Joe! My word, Joe! Anything!”

“Say it ain’t so is the only line that’s funny! Why, without it, my jokes would only be half funny!”

“I can’t do it, Joe! I got say it ain’t Joes coming out of my head at night!”

“Okay, you made your beef, now let’s polish ourselves off for the evening show. Say, Charlie, do you know my wife and I hold hands all the time? If I let go, she goes shopping!”

“Oh, my, Joe!”

“No, no, no, Charlie! Say your line!”

“I refuse to say “say it ain’t so, Joe,” anymore, in earnest, for the rest of my life!”

“Then you might as well walk out that door! I’m through with you. I wanted to do a singles act, anyhow!”

I walked out the door.

It wasn’t long afterward that I heard the great comic, Joe E. Brown, who had just made his mark in some films, needed a partner for a vaudeville act he was perfecting.

I applied and showed up for rehearsal. Brown & Brown seemed like a good title for a doubles act.

“Listen, Charlie,” he said, “At the moment Abbott and Costello are the highest paid act round. I have some zingers that’ll put us on the top! But,we have to practice daily so we know the material well!”

He practiced his first joke. “I got drunk the other day and wound up in court. The judge says, “You’ve been brought here for drinking!” I said, “okay, Lets get started”!!!”

“Now, we come to your part,” he says, “We need a good comeback line. I got it! You say, “Say it ain’t so, Joe!”

“Oh, no! Say it ain’t so!”