Don't You Dare

by DragonSkulls

Dying Houseplant Contest Winner

The author has placed a warning on this post for language.

You son-of-a-bitch. I pay eighty bucks for your ugly ass because, for some
unknown reason, my wife thought you would make a good addition to
to our front room and now you want to wither and die?

She spends my hard earned cash, from a job that I despise might I add,
on those worthless Jobe's plant food spikes, then upgrades to the stupid
Miracle-Grow plant food sticks and any other crap she can find in hopes

that your sorry ass might stay alive. She even goes to the extent to talk

loving, baby bullshit talk to you. What the hell?

To be honest, I'm thinking about purposely dumping you over and
blaming the cat just so I don't have to look at you any more. I loved
the light that used to shine through the window that you now so
rudely veil with your sagging, dying leaves.

For this asinine contest I'm supposed to tell you why you need to live.
The reason would be because I love my dear wife and she's trying so
desperately hard to keep your unwilling ass alive for some sort of
distorted beauty I simply fail to see. So listen you stupid plant, I'll
replace you in a heartbeat if you don't start cooperating. Yeah, I'll flush
my eighty bucks down the toilet should you perish but rest assured, I'll
gladly find a plant that "I" like to quickly replace you before the sun sets.

Again, I love my wife. For some unethical reason, she seems to love you,
and I don't wish to see her fret over your loss. So live you stupid plant...

live, you son-of-a-bitch.

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Writing Prompt
A houseplant is dying. Tell it why it needs to live.