I walk to school each weekday morn

with mum and Thomas (he’s new born.)

My brother stays inside the pram,

he sucks a dummy dipped in jam.

I think I love him, I’m not sure,

he cries a lot – he’s insecure.

Well, that’s what Mummy says to me

when Thomas screams so frightfully.

The playground’s full of shouty boys

and screechy girls – wow, what a noise!

I try to find my best friend, Hope,

who lets me share her skipping rope.

She calls to me from over there

I love the bunches in her hair.

But Hope is crying – that’s not right.

She sobs “I’ve just been in a fight.”

I hold her hand and ask “who with?”

She points and says “that Billy Smith.

He pulled my hair and stole my rope

he’s such a nasty, smelly dope.”

He sees me looking, pulls a face.

He’s got it coming, off I race.

As I get close he turns to run

I trip him up and kick his bum.

He starts to wail “don’t hurt me please”

So then I kick him on both knees.

He drops the rope, I pick it up.

He’s howling like a poisoned pup.

I say “don’t bully my best friend,

I’ll always get you in the end.”

*

The school bell rings, we form four lines,

our teacher waits – we call her Heinz.

She dresses in old-fashioned lace,

fifty-seven moles upon her face.

We file inside and take our seat

the boy next door has smelly feet.

I glare at him and hold my nose

he glares right back – well, I suppose

he’s not aware of his own stink,

but I won’t be the first to blink.

He flicks a bogie at my head.

That does it! Now I’m seeing red.

I throw my inkwell at his pate.

He sees it coming, ducks too late.

It hits him just above the ear,

the girl behind lets out a cheer.

Blue sticky ink runs down his cheek,

the best fun I have had all week.

But now the teacher’s on our case

she looks like she’s from Outer Space.

Miss Heinz says she is not amused,

her classroom “will not be abused

by children who show no respect,

and normal standards do neglect.”

She’s going to ask the headmaster

to come and view “this disaster.”

I guess that now I should be scared

hoping that I will be spared

the punishment that’s bound to come.

Instead I stick out my red tongue

and blow a sloppy raspberry.

Miss Heinz sinks down onto one knee.

*

The rest of that day wasn’t great.

Our teacher was in such a state.

My mum was called to come to school

They told her I broke every rule.

I’d have to stay behind each day

Homework, drill, no chance to play.

But I think mum could see in me

the rebel that she used to be.

She managed to sort out her life

became my daddy’s “darling wife.”

I reckoned that would do for me,

I’d have to relive history!