Susie, my girlfriend, and I were shopping for a trip we were taking the next day. The lines were long at the regular check-out registers, so she suggested I go to the self-check stations while she ran to get a bottle of wine. She had picked up some personal items.

I scanned the “Sexy Red” lipstick first and then a lacy red bra and “Barely There” panties. To my surprise, the machine cooed, “Ooh la la, someone has a romantic evening in mind!”

What-the-heck, it talks. I looked around. People were smiling. I felt a slight flush on my neck. I turned around and said, “They’re not for me,” with a silly grin on my face.

Next, I scanned a tube of K-Y Jelly. The machine boomed, “Well, well, looks like someone’s spicing things up in the bedroom. Hope it’s everything you’ve dreamed of!”

My cheeks heated like I had just eaten a Jalapeno pepper. Was this AI at work? Just then, I heard a familiar voice. I was my Aunt Charlotte. I shoved the tube of K-Y Jelly into my pocket. “Auntie Char, fancy seeing you here.”

“Date night shopping, Jimmy?” she asked, her eyes flickering to the bra and panties.

“Actually, know, these things are all for...my mom! Dad asked me to pick them up for her birthday. You know, they are still very romantic.”

Aunt Charlotte smiled and said, “Yes, I remember your mom always liked red lipstick. She thought it turned the boys on.”

I laughed.

She continued, “She always been the sexy one. Oh, hi, Susie.”

“Got to run. Bye, Aunt Charlotte.”

The machine’s voice rang out, “Hope your mom has a wonderful evening."

I threw a glance back at the machine and decided on human cashiers next time. No more AI for me.