Dear past, you are so hard to confront
With subtle words, without being overly blunt
As time passes, we often misremember
Memories , fighting a natural short temper
Although no saint, I was undeserving
Of the hurt you laced, with an extra serving
You waited for the day, I was weak
Parallel to the day, easiest for you to sneak
Sneak away, appearing still moral
Parted in respect, after one too many quarrels
Yet as I left, although not broken of heart
I was the one, whose life fell apart
Losing my home, my one leaning crutch
As you found the arms of another to touch
Easy for me, would it have been to despise
To out you as the villain, broadcast your lies
Yet I chose silence, deep contemplation
Leaning on blind faith on several occasions
Faith and strength I didn’t know I possessed
The unfamiliar pillows, on which I had to rest
Embarrassment of tears, i now couldn’t suppress
Naked for all to see, as my emotions undressed
Pondering my life, unwilling to breathe
Wondering who’d care if I did choose to leave
Asking myself if that would be revenge
Which would riddle you to guilt, highlight your stench
thought of murder, an anger so swelling
In a cell, it may have been worth dwelling
Just to rid myself, the thought of you
To somehow be back to what I once knew
That I wasn’t average, within me was talent
In the eyes of another, I may be brave and gallant
My heart’s capture a worthy cause
For I wasn’t worthless and defined by my flaws
I am not a thinker who conforms with the masses
But that is a strength, To choose my own course and classes
Pick my own ideas, be philosophical
Argue against those scientifically logical
Laugh at my humour, a laughter needing to be coaxed
By ill-judged remarks and inappropriate jokes.
Regret my decisions to apologise sincerely
Love wholeheartedly, those I hold dearly
Help who I choose and call others out
For the bullshit and thought crimes, religiously they spout
Be true to myself and who I can be
Stop pretending to be saintly and learn to be free
Free from you. My unwitting abuser
Untrusting freelancer and frequent accuser
Guilt piling confidant, who made me feel small
Who had no understanding of what it is to fall
No comprehension of life being tough
When your own strength just has to be enough
For no-one is there to pay your grand bail
When you haven’t had the life of a princess fairytale
When you didn’t have the start easy and secure
You taught yourself, what it means to mature
Dear past, I wish you could see me now
From time to time, I wonder where and how
Where will you end up? how does life compare?
Do you realise what you had, now I’m not there?
Have you changed? we all hold regrets
But like me do you often forget?
Only to sometimes out of the blue
Remember a life, which now doesn’t ring true
