I have faced many fears in my lifetime. My dad had several heart attacks when I was seven, which scared the hell out of me. However, he survived until I was seventeen. He said he would live to see me graduate high school and he died two months after. I was terrified I wouldn't make it through college, but I did. Giving birth for the first time was a worry the entire pregnancy. When my husband was diagnosed with cancer, when my daughter was hit by a car, when she gave birth and almost bled to death, when my husband died, hurricanes hitting my home town, covid. All of those things caused great fear and trauma in my life. However, my biggest fear became a partial reality in February 2024.

Ever since the birth of my first grandchild (which I had the priviledge of being present for), my greatest fear has been losing my grandchildren. I absolutely fell in love with being a grandmother, and my daughter's mother – in – law had an issue with me (not related to the grandchild) but due to that she did everything she could to keep me from seeing my granddaughter. This was rather difficult, since the baby, my daughter, and her husband all lived in my house. However, she kept sending child protection to my house, and even had my house searched for drugs at one point. She ended up being the one that doesn't know the children produced by that marriage.

My other daughter, however, has always used her children as a pawn, threatening me with not seeing them if I didn't do exactly what she wanted. In February, something occurred that I couldn't condone, and my daughter became very angry and hostile. She said that I could no longer see her two year old. The baby's father agreed, but for a different reason. The reasons aren't as important as is the outcome. The outcome being that, as of this writing on April 17, 2024, I have had no contact with the baby since February 3, 2024. Prior to that, I had an absolutely wonderful relationship with the baby. I was watching her all day, every day, and most nights and weekends. Not only was she alienated from me, but also from the rest of the family.

The worst fear of my life. Losing my grandchild. Not knowing if she is okay. Not knowing if she still wants to see me. Not knowing if she still misses me. Not knowing if she is okay. I thought that was the worst. Even worse than that happened a couple of weeks ago.

SHE IS NOT OKAY!

She is in an abusive household. Justice is moving too slowly. She has sustained her second injury in two and a half years. This time a fairly major injury. I am terrified that the next time I see her, it may be too late for her to know and hear and feel how much I love and miss her.

This is the worst fear of my life!