| Humor Script posted December 27, 2023 |
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Humorous western script
John & Shorty Learn to Waltz
by CrystieCookie999
Characters
John Shane: The Hero, age 20 or older. A John Wayne look-alike, sound-alike who champions justice and all the best Western American virtues, along with his faithful horse, Sterling. Shorty: John's sidekick, age 20 or older. He often sees the world from a funnier point of view but may have more mishaps. Rides a good horse named Jumper. Miss Flora May: A dance teacher who is eternally optimistic. Aileen Miller: Former beauty contest competitor. Age 18 or older. Dressed in a long dress with shawl. Daisy DeWayne: Former beauty contest competitor. Age 18 or older. Dressed in long dress with shawl. Lizabeth Porter: Former beauty contest competitor. Age 18 or older. Dressed in long dress with shawl. Josephine Barrett: Former beauty contest competitor. Age 18 or older. Dressed in long dress with shawl. Has new dancing shoes which her father, the town shoemaker, designed. Jack (or Jacqueline, if female): A FIDDLER / violinist hired to provide music for the dance class. Setting: Southeast border of the state of Idaho, 1894, about a month after the beauty contest competition script's timing. Action Mood music: Western music with a bright, dance-able tempo. A large blackboard is upstage with feet outlines and dance step diagrams in chalk drawn out. One or two wooden stools. A western dance hall or barn backdrop. MISS FLORA MAY is finishing drawing out last part of dance step diagram with chalk. JACK (or JACQUELINE / FIDDLER) is sitting in the corner on one of the wooden stools, tuning his violin. (Sound of wooden door shutting. JOHN and SHORTY enter Stage Right. They hang up their cowboy hats on small pegs or nails, or a small coat rack. They both look at MISS FLORA MAY.) SHORTY (In a friendly way, to JOHN.) Say, John, I sure hope someone else comes to this dancin' class, or I reckon we are gonna have to take turns dancin' with the teacher around all night. MISS FLORA MAY (Turns around from blackboard to acknowledge JOHN and SHORTY's entrance.) Welcome to my dance instruction class. I am Miss Flora May. (Indicates JACK / JACQUELINE / FIDDLER.) We have Jack over there in the corner, who we hired to play the fiddle...er, I mean the violin for our class. And you are? JOHN My name is John Shane, ma'am. This is Shorty with me. SHORTY We're business partners and farm a little. Lucky for us, our horses get along well together, too. MISS FLORA MAY (Smiling.) Thank you so very much for coming, gentlemen. So, John and Shorty, I am sure you want to improve your dance skills. After all, dancing has helped many a young man impress a future wife. SHORTY Aw, Miss May, I think I'll be leavin' now. I don't wanna get married for a long, long, LONG time. (Takes a step toward Stage Right, but JOHN puts his hand on SHORTY's shoulder to stop him from exiting.) JOHN Shorty! Mind your manners. MISS FLORA MAY (Laughs, amused.) Do not be alarmed, Shorty. No one is making you get married. SHORTY That's a relief! The only companion I want or need is my horse, Jumper. And besides, Miss May, I don't think I can learn these new-fangled dance steps. (Points to chalk outlines on the blackboard.) MISS FLORA MAY Well, even you can learn to dance. With my method, you will soon be dancing like a famous flamenco dancer from Spain. SHORTY Wait a minute, wait just a minute! This lady can't make me dance like a flamingo. Dang it, John, dance lessons are starting to sound like a feather-brained idea again. JOHN I think she said FLA-MEN-CO, not flamingo. It's a real dance, Shorty. I saw it once or twice. SHORTY Well, just as long as she doesn't tar and feather us with pink flamingo feathers. Pink just ain't my color, John! (Sound of wooden door shutting. AILEEN, DAISY, LIZABETH, and JOSEPHINE enter from Stage Right, laughing and talking.) AILEEN (Hangs up shawl near where JOHN and SHORTY hung up their hats on pegs, nails, or coat rack.) Hello, Miss Flora May! I have been so lookin' forward to this dance class all week long! DAISY (Also hangs up shawl on peg, nail, or coat rack.) Hello, Miss May. LIZABETH (Also hangs up shawl on peg, nail, or coat rack.) Howdy, Miss May. JOSEPHINE (Also hangs up shawl on peg, nail, or coat rack.) Hello, Miss May. I have my dancin' shoes on! Father made them especially for this class. (Modestly holds skirt up about six inches to show foot in new shoe.) MISS FLORA MAY (To JOSEPHINE.) You certainly came well-prepared. (Graciously to ALL.) I am delighted that you girls came out in the cold to practice dancing tonight. And lucky for us, we have two eligible bachelors here to dance with. This is John (indicates JOHN) and Shorty (indicates SHORTY.) AILEEN Say, I remember both of you. Weren't you the judges in the beauty contest last month where Juliet Strong won first place? DAISY (Gasps.) You are right, Aileen! These sure are the same gentlemen! (To JOHN and SHORTY.) I guess the shoe is on the other foot now, huh? SHORTY (Looks in confusion at his shoes.) Did I put my shoes on the wrong feet? LIZABETH (To SHORTY.) Naw. But hopefully you're a better dancer than a judge, though. MISS FLORA MAY Now ladies and gentlemen, let us move on to the waltz. The waltz is the first dance we are working on. John and Shorty, please select a young lady to practice the waltz steps. (JOHN pairs up with JOSEPHINE first, and they stand in front of each other, while SHORTY pairs up with AILEEN first. DAISY and LIZABETH watch the others and practice as well.) MISS FLORA MAY (Enthusiastically. Points to dance step diagram.) As a reminder, we are forming a box.
SHORTY Say, that sounds like work to me! JOHN Aw, she just means we form a box pattern when we dance. MISS FLORA MAY So men will hold the right hand of their partner in their own left hand, and the ladies will keep their hand lightly on the left shoulder of the gentlemen. The men will also keep the right hand on the waist of their partner to make leading easier. Men, please take the first step forward with the left foot, then take a step to the side with the right foot, bring your left foot over to the side of the right foot, then take a step backward with your right foot, then the last step to the left with the left foot, and bring your right foot to the side. Ladies will take the first step backward with your right foot, then take a step to the side with your left foot, then bring your right foot over to the side of your left foot. Follow the man's lead to come forward again with your left foot, then step to the right with your right foot, and bring your left foot to the side of the right. (Signals to JACK / JACQUELINE / FIDDLER to start playing violin. Demonstrates waltz step. JOHN, JOSEPHINE, SHORTY, and AILEEN practice the waltz step.) One, two, three! One, two, three! One, two, three! Now you are doing it! SHORTY Say, this is getting easier. I feel pretty light on my feet. AILEEN (To SHORTY.) Yeah, well, don't lose focus, and don't tread on my feet. I'll thank you kindly to remember that!
SHORTY (To AILEEN.) Yes, ma'am!
JOHN You're a wonderful dancer, Miss Josephine. JOSEPHINE Thank you, John. You must have inherited graceful feet from your parents. JOHN (Smiles.) 'Course, I know feet run in our family. Uh, I mean, when we aren't dancin' with them! (JOSEPHINE laughs.) MISS FLORA MAY (To JACK / JACQUELINE / FIDDLER.) All right, let's have a new song. And John and Shorty, please dance with the other ladies you didn't choose the first time. (JOHN dances with DAISY, and SHORTY dances with LIZABETH. This time around, JOSEPHINE and AILEEN watch the others while practicing on their own. JACK / JACQUELINE / FIDDLER may play shortened versions of nineteenth-century folk songs like "Clementine," or any of Johann Strauss II's waltzes up to 1894, such as "Blue Danube Waltz.")
MISS FLORA MAY Now, the waltz isn't just a dance you do in a single area of the dance floor. You can also do slow turns and fast turns or spins, or even go straight across the entire floor. (Positions JOHN in front of herself.) Now, I am going to lead, John, but you will be doing the steps as if you were leading. (Does a turn with JOHN and a straight section across stage.) Let's all practice a turn. (ALL practice for about twenty seconds or a little longer.) JOSEPHINE This was a great class, Miss May. (ALL nod, smile, or confirm JOSEPHINE's observation.) MISS FLORA MAY (Directs JOHN back over to dance with JOSEPHINE.) And of course, ladies and gentlemen, you will need to continue practicing. After all, when it comes to waltzing, one good turn deserves another! (ALL smile or groan at the pun. JOHN and SHORTY step downstage, while all others remain upstage and mime making small talk and saying goodbye. JOSEPHINE, AILEEN, DAISY, and LIZABETH may start putting on their shawls. JACK / JACQUELINE / FIDDLER may put violin in case or with violin bow.) SHORTY (To JOHN.) Say, John, maybe we can teach our horses to waltz, too. JOHN But Shorty, a horse isn't a human. Besides, what makes you think Jumper will want to take dance lessons? SHORTY Well, John, after all, Jumper already lives in a barn with a good strong door and four strong WALTZ! JOHN (Shakes his head.) That's a bad pun, Shorty. Anyway, it's gonna take you a really long time to teach Jumper to dance. You'll wear him out! SHORTY That's okay, John. If my horse gets tired, we can stop to get more energy by eating pancakes. JOHN Hold on, Shorty, you let your horse eat pancakes? What do you even put on pancakes for a horse? SHORTY Aw, you use maple STIRRUP, of course! (Lights down.)
Thank you to cakemp55 for a great photo of a horse-in-waiting.
Pays
one point
and 2 member cents. This is the fifteenth short script featuring John Shane and Shorty. None of them have been performed yet. Artwork by cakemp55 at FanArtReview.com 
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