Me. Her. Him - Chapter 68

Background: Angela is shocked when William, an old friend from her past, who she hoped never to see again, comes back into her life, after he applies for a role at her work and successfully secures the job. William’s sudden reappearance puts Angela on edge. She’s terrified he’s discovered her secret, which she needs to protect her family from. William’s convinced Angela knows what happened to his former girlfriend, Caz, who hasn't been seen for twenty years, and that something terrible happened to her. The only person, who can help Angela, is her once best friend, Michelle, but Angela hasn’t seen Michelle for more than a decade. Faced with the threat of William’s return, they know they’ll need to work together to save their future, even if this does mean reopening old wounds, and revisiting a past they'd rather keep buried.

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August 2002

Caz shakes her head. Now I can see tears in her eyes.

‘I’m not cut out for this, being a mum, you know,’ she says, and this time the tears start to streak down her cheeks.

I stare at her, trying to process what she’s said. What the hell?

‘Caz, you’re . . . you’re not thinking straight,’ I say, stumbling over my words.

‘I’ve been thinking about this for weeks, Angela, months even. I could never have got rid of Rebecca, like William wanted me to do, I’m not that selfish, but I can’t be a mum. It’s not who I am, you know.’

‘So, what are you suggesting?’ I say, my words sounding harsh, but someone’s got to talk some sense into her.

Her eyes lock on mine. ‘You only have to see how happy Rebecca is when you’re looking after her, and I can tell you love her as well, and how much you want to be a mum. If you were to take her, I would feel a lot better knowing that someone, who I trust completely, is looking after her.’

I shake my head. I can’t think straight. This is some sort of weird dream. I keep expecting to wake up at any moment and be languishing in bed.

‘But, Caz, you need to think about what you’re saying. You want to give your baby up, have you any idea how much of an impact that could have on you and your daughter later in life? You might come to regret that decision later, and your daughter . . . because of what you did, she might not want anything to do with you.’

‘I can’t be a mum, Angela. Look at my own parents?’ She shouts the words at me, it’s like I’ve been slapped in the face.

I can’t believe this. The amount of times I’ve agonised over the fact that I will never be able to have children of my own, and yet here’s Caz, willingly wanting to give up her baby.

‘You’re not going to be like them, Caz,’ I say, hearing the desperation in my voice. ‘You’re your own person. You have a chance to do the right thing for your daughter. Don’t make the same mistakes they did.’

She shakes her head. ‘My minds made up, Angela. If you’re not prepared to take her, then I’ll put Rebecca up for adoption. I only know that I can’t look after her.’

‘I won’t agree to this, Caz,’ I snap. ‘You need to really think about this. This is a massive decision to make.’

Caz finishes her cigarette and throws it to the ground.

‘I’m going to bed,’ she says, as though we’ve had a brief conversation about the weather.

She pushes past me. I imagine what Michelle must be thinking as I watch her stride through the kitchen and into the hallway. What the hell am I going to say to Michelle when she asks me what we discussed?

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Character List:

Angela Watkins - Protagonist 

Paul Watkins - Angela's husband

Rebecca Watkins - Angela's daughter 

Michelle Blake - Angela's former best friend 

Kirsty - Receptionist (Angela's friend) 

Olivia - Angela's boss

William Harris - Angela's former friend 

Caroline (Caz) - Angela's friend 

Hayley - Angela's former friend

Lauren - Angela's former friend