Me. Her. Him - Chapter 59

Background: Angela is shocked when William, an old friend from her past, who she hoped never to see again, comes back into her life, after he applies for a role at her work and successfully secures the job. William’s sudden reappearance puts Angela on edge. She’s terrified he’s discovered her secret, which she needs to protect her family from. William’s convinced Angela knows what happened to his former girlfriend, Caz, who hasn't been seen for twenty years, and that something terrible happened to her. The only person, who can help Angela, is her once best friend, Michelle, but Angela hasn’t seen Michelle for more than a decade. Faced with the threat of William’s return, they know they’ll need to work together to save their future, even if this does mean reopening old wounds, and revisiting a past they'd rather keep buried.

******************

I can’t believe we’re having this conversation now, with everything else that’s going on. Images of Michelle filter through into my mind; her getting into her car, putting William’s address into her Sat Nav, and turning up outside his place. She didn’t tell me if she was still living at her house in Ilford. It would take her more than hour to get to his place if she was.

‘Who is she then?’ I say, as I sit on the end of the sofa, crossing and uncrossing my legs. I can’t get comfortable.

‘She’s . . . she’s a friend from France,’ Paul says, rubbing the back of his neck.

‘Right,’ I say, feeling the creases in my forehead deepen. ‘But you left France years ago, before you met me.’

‘I know,’ he says, his voice cracking. What the hell has he been hiding? ‘But . . . this particular friend, she’s moving to the UK, well she has moved to the UK. She came over in the spring and she’s been searching for a place to live. A friend’s been putting her up for a while, but she can’t stay there forever. She’s just managed to get herself a job, but, she needed some money to help tidy her over, so she could give her landlord some cash in advance, to secure the flat.’

‘So . . . she contacted you,’ I say, my eyes blinking furiously, as I try to take in what he’s said.

‘I wanted to tell you the moment she made contact, but the thing was . . . she,’ Paul wipes his face and looks in the direction of the television. His legs are bouncing up and down.

I want him to look round and face me.

‘Was she a former girlfriend?’ I ask.

He nods. ‘Yes and the thing is . . . she owes me.’

‘Owes you?’ I say, the words sound like a threat as I speak them.

Paul coughs. ‘When I . . . when I met you, I was . . . I was still, sort of, officially with her.’

‘What?’

‘We hadn’t seen each other for weeks though, at the time, months even. I’d been over here because of my dad; well you know all about that, it was because my mum died. If I hadn’t met you I’m sure I would’ve eventually gone back to her, but we . . .’

My arms, my legs, even my brain have gone numb. I wonder if I want to hear what he’s got to say next. I let out a steady breath.

‘Go on,’ I say. I’m just able to get the words out.

‘We were engaged.’

The words are like dynamite inside my mind. They were engaged, engaged to be married, while Paul was sleeping with me, while Paul was promising to love me and take care of Rebecca. Hot waves of nausea pulse through me. I’d asked Paul once if he’d had any serious girlfriends before me, and he said not since his early twenties.

‘What happened?’ I ask, trying to keep my voice calm.

I realise I’m squeezing the fabric of the cushion tight in my hand. I release my grip.

‘Like I said, we . . . we hadn’t seen each other for weeks, Ange,’ he says, his voice shaking as he speaks. ‘We’d texted each other on and off, but then the texts between us, grew less and less.’

‘Did you tell her you’d met me?’ I ask.

He shakes his head, a wavy strand of his brown hair flopping over his right eye. ‘No, I still cared about her, and I didn’t want her to think I’d left her for someone else, I didn’t want to break her heart. I . . . I eventually told her that things were taking its toll on me here and it was better if we . . . if we called off the engagement. That was bad enough, having to tell her that.’ His voice cracks at the last part of his sentence. It makes me wonder just how much he still thinks about her, and if he’s ever thought that he made a mistake in marrying me.

I look over my shoulder to make sure Rebecca isn’t hovering in the kitchen. I have to hope she’s dived onto her bed after having a shower, and is watching something on Netflix. She’ll be totally absorbed in that if she is. I don’t want her to be listening to this. Perhaps we should save it for when Rebecca isn’t around, but now, I feel like I need to know everything. Paul reaches out to put his hand on my shoulder, but I recoil slightly, which makes him back off. The creases in his forehead deepen.

‘And that was that, she just agreed to break things off with you, and let you live the rest of your life, until now?’ I say, trying to picture this woman’s face as she realised Paul was breaking up with her. If she loved Paul as much as I do, she would’ve . . . I would’ve gone into a rage if Paul wanted to break up with me, especially if I didn’t see it coming. I wouldn’t have let him go without a fight. No way.

Paul rubs the back of his neck and shifts forward.

‘Not . . . not exactly. A couple of years later, she decided to come over and pay me a visit, she thought it would be a nice surprise. I think she thought enough time might’ve passed and I might want to rekindle our relationship. She saw me with you and Rebecca, Rebecca was only small then; she was no more than five-years-old. She . . . she could’ve gone into a rage. She could’ve told you everything. It could’ve ended what we have now there and then, but she chose to slip away quietly. She sent me a message wishing me a nice life, and that was the last I heard from her. I wanted to be with you, Angela, you and Rebecca. I still want that. She means nothing to me now.’

I nod. I can’t bring myself to say anything. My chest is filled up like a hot air balloon about to take flight. I look out onto the garden.

‘I . . .’ I can’t get the words to form on my tongue. I take a deep breath. ‘How much money is she asking for?’

‘Just a couple of hundred pounds,’ he says. He’s not looking in my direction as he speaks; he’s looking at the carpet. 

The way he says it sounds as though she’s just asked him for a tenner.

‘Just a couple of hundred,’ I say, each word makes my ears ring. ‘So when exactly were you going to tell me about this? I would’ve noticed once the money had left our bank account. Did you think I just wouldn’t ask you about it?’

‘I’m sorry, I just thought . . . you seemed so stressed with everything going on at your work, I didn’t think it was the right time. I wanted to tell you, honestly, I did.’

I don’t know what to say to him. How can I be angry with him when I’ve lied to him about what happened in my past for twenty years? He still doesn’t know what I did. I can’t be mad at him for keeping secrets from me, his are nowhere near as bad as mine.

‘What’s her name?’ I ask.

‘Victoria,’ he says, puffing out his cheeks as he speaks. ‘I promise, once I’ve sorted the money out with her this week, I won’t be in contact with her again. I’ve told her I can’t keep seeing her; that it needs to stop, and it will, Ange. Please believe me.’

‘And what about this money, will she be paying us back?’ I say, hearing the hiss in my voice.

‘She says she will, but . . . it’ll take time, and I haven’t given her a strict deadline. I’m sorry I kept this from you, Ange, but I had no idea how you were going to react, and I was afraid. It was selfish of me, I know. I kept thinking you would want to leave me, if you thought I’d been lying to you all this time, if you thought I loved someone else, when I don’t.’ 

I pull him in for a hug, and hold him tight. I can’t allow myself to feel betrayed.

He wanted to help Victoria, he wanted to make sure she was alright; I can’t begrudge him for doing that. I can see in his eyes he no longer has feelings for her. He’s desperate to make me believe that it’s me he wants to be with.

I just don’t know if she still has feelings for him.

*********

Character List:

Angela Watkins - Protagonist 

Paul Watkins - Angela's husband

Rebecca Watkins - Angela's daughter 

Michelle Blake - Angela's former best friend 

Kirsty - Receptionist (Angela's friend) 

Olivia - Angela's boss

William Harris - Angela's former friend 

Caroline (Caz) - Angela's friend 

Hayley - Angela's former friend

Lauren - Angela's former friend