Background: Angela is shocked when William, an old friend from her past, who she hoped never to see again, comes back into her life, after he applies for a role at her work and successfully secures the job. William’s sudden reappearance puts Angela on edge. She’s terrified he’s discovered her secret, which she needs to protect her family from. William’s convinced Angela knows what happened to his former girlfriend, Caz, who hasn't been seen for twenty years, and that something terrible happened to her. The only person, who can help Angela, is her once best friend, Michelle, but Angela hasn’t seen Michelle for more than a decade. Faced with the threat of William’s return, they know they’ll need to work together to save their future, even if this does mean reopening old wounds, and revisiting a past they'd rather keep buried.

*************

January 1999

I’m sitting outside in our back courtyard on my own, a mug of hot chocolate, which Hayley made me, is in front of me. I turn the page of the publishing magazine I started subscribing to in November. Sunday morning bliss, it doesn’t get much better than this in my opinion.

My eyes flick up and down the article I’ve just spotted at the bottom of the page. I lean forward in my seat. Is this actually happening? There’s actually going to be a course in publishing running at City University, this year. It starts in eight weeks. This could be it. This could be my chance. But the only thing is the cost. Why does it have to be that expensive? Someone might even spot my potential and offer me a position. God they have to, I can’t face the thought of another few months working with Stevie and I have tried to get her to open up to me a bit more. God I’ve tried.

I snatch up the magazine, and hot chocolate, and drift back into the house.

‘Shut the door, quickly,’ Lauren says, rubbing her arms, even though she’s wearing a jumper. ‘I don’t know how you can sit out there in this weather, it’s barmy. How does leak and potato soup sound to you for dinner?’

She turns back to the recipe book on the counter, and I see a photo on the page she’s reading, of a green, creamy looking soup, with a hunk of bread beside it on a plate.

‘I’m sure whatever you make will be alright,’ I say.

She looks away from the book. ‘Everything okay?’

‘Sorry, my mind’s a million miles away at the moment. Yes, sounds lovely.’

‘Penny for them,’ she says, rubbing her arms again. 

‘Oh, it’s just, well, I’ll show you. Look at this.’

I hand her the magazine, and she reads the article I point to.

‘Blimey, this is right up your street, but, the cost . . .’

‘I know that’s the only thing. It seems like it’s so expensive to get anywhere in life. The thing is though; I don’t know if whether or not to ask Mum and Dad to see if they could lend the money to me. I’ve no idea if this is the only year they’re going to run the course, or if they’re going to run it again next year. That will give me some more time to save up, but I’m not sure I can take that risk.’

Lauren shrugs and hands the magazine back to me.

‘Go for it, they can only say no. It’s not like you’ve got anything to lose by asking. Why don’t you give your mum a call now? Heck, you could always say they could give it to you as an early birthday present.’

‘Yeah, that’ll be likely,’ I say, imagining what Mum’s response to Lauren’s suggestion would be. She’ll say no. There’s no point in me calling her.

I head over to the phone, my palms turning sweaty and dial Mum and Dad’s number. I watch Lauren busy herself by getting ingredients down from the cupboards, pinching the fabric of my top.

‘Sweet Pea,’ Mum’s voice bursts into life on the phone. ‘I wasn’t expecting you to call.’

I chat away to Mum first. I don’t want her to think the only reason I’ve called, is to ask her and Dad for a loan, although she’s going to think that anyway when I ask, so perhaps I should’ve just come straight out with it. It would’ve got it over and done with.

I run my tongue around the inside of my mouth.

‘Listen, Mum, I hope you don’t mind me asking, but . . . I’ve . . . I’ve spotted this publishing course being advertised in this magazine. It costs . . . quite a bit, and I was just . . . I was just wondering, if you and Dad could loan me the money, which I will pay you back, I promise you I will. I just don’t know if the course is going to be running again next year, and this could be my only chance.’

There’s silence on the other end. Please say something. Tell me you’re not going to give the money to me, anything.

‘You’re still working though, aren’t you, Angela?’ Mum asks.

Her mind will be whirring now. She’ll be thinking I’ve given up my job after only a few weeks, and that’s the reason why I don’t have the money for the course. God knows what Dad will be thinking if he can hear her on the phone.

‘Yes, I am, but I’ve only had the job since September, and when I took it I wasn’t planning on saving for anything.’

There’s another brief stretch of silence. The television is playing in the background. It sounds like some quiz show. Of course it will be. I hear the roar of an audience clapping and cheering. Quiz shows are all Mum and Dad ever seem to watch when I’m round there’s. She and Dad get really into them. It’s like they’re competing against each other, to see how many questions they can get right. Mum gets into a terrible mood if Dad beats her.

‘How much does the course cost?’ she says, bitterness creeping into her voice.

My throat is thick. It’s as though someone’s force feeding me treacle.

‘It’s one thousand pounds.’

            The words are a struggle to get out.

‘A thousand pounds, Angela. For how long is the course going on for?’

‘It starts in February and ends in July.’

‘One thousand pounds, for four months.’

‘Please Mum, I know I said I would be making my own way, but I really want this. This is the career I want.’

‘Angela, you keep chopping and changing what you want to do. When you were ten you wanted to go off into the Amazon, and were desperate for us to take you on a safari, which your dad ended up forking out thousands for. When you were at school, you wanted to be a vet, a few years later, and your heart was set on working in art. Now you’re convinced publishing is the route you want to go down.’

She’s going to say no. My chest hurts. I try and think of what to say next to try and persuade her. A memory flashes inside my mind of me as a ten-year-old standing on my tiptoes, my words, please, please, please, which came out in a desperate squeak, echo in my head, as I beg Dad to book the safari trip I’d found advertised. This is history repeating itself.

‘But they’ve got industry professionals coming in, and . . . I’ve always been interested in books, you know that.’

Even now I hear my voice coming out in a squeak. I’ve turned into my ten-year-old self.

‘And what if, when these people come in, they make you decide this isn’t the career for then, Angela? That’ll be all that money wasted.’

‘But this is what I want to do, Mum.’

I don’t know how else to say this to her. Lauren’s looking at me with pity in her eyes. I look away. I can already feel tears brimming.

‘I’m really sorry, Sweet Pea. I wish we could afford to give you the money, but right now, things are a bit tight. Your dad’s putting in extra hours at work. I’m sure they’ll put the course on again next year if it’s successful. Why don’t you put so much money away each week, keep it safe, and if you’re still short at the end of the year, we’ll see if we can help you out?’

This is news to me that they’re having to cut back. Perhaps she’s just using it as an excuse. Mum certainly didn’t hold back on spending at Christmas, what with the copious amount of food there was on the table and the expensive champagne she ordered in from Waitrose, but I decide its best not to argue. She’s made up her mind. There’ll be no changing it.

I end the call, my mood to talk to Mum evaporating.

I tear the article out from the magazine, and shove it in my drawer in my bedroom.

If I do put some money aside each week, then the article will be there to remind me what I’m saving up for. But a year seems like a really long time.

*************

Character List:

Angela Watkins - Protagonist 

Paul Watkins - Angela's husband

Rebecca Watkins - Angela's daughter 

Michelle Blake - Angela's former best friend 

Kirsty - Receptionist (Angela's friend) 

Olivia - Angela's boss

William Harris - Angela's former friend 

Caroline (Caz) - Angela's friend 

Hayley - Angela's former friend

Lauren - Angela's former friend