Biographical Non-Fiction posted November 28, 2023 | Chapters: |
...10 11 -12- 13... ![]() |
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Out into the unknown. Age 17
A chapter in the book Spectre
Searcher
by Lea Tonin1
The author has placed a warning on this post for language.
Tremble and shake my body quakes.
My mind directly in tow.
Knocking knees that can't believe we're one.
My hearts brazen hope.
What is courage that causes worry to cope.
Choices abandon the soul .
Rise up from dust and gather the bones.
Bring them home to grow.
Shake off the disease manipulators leave.
See black from the white .
Wash away the infection find new direction.
Add the color between.
Now it is done you'd better run.
My rage is no longer yours.
************************************
Two steps forward, one step back. Such is the nature of our life lessons. I am still learning. I've felt and still feel my thoughts expanding as my mind fills with new knowledge each and every day.
Knowledge of life and what's to come.
There's a chalk board in my mind with two columns on it. One column says nuts and the other column says not nuts. Depending on the check marks listed below, determines my state of mind.
How about going to the supermarket instead and say, "Fruit cake aisle seven just behind the nuts!"
This planet is the most negative planet in God's universe. The boot camp for souls, it's the place we come to learn our lessons the fastest to perfect our souls.
Any soul who chooses a life here is a warrior soul. We are all warriors souls. Like any battle though, there are casualties. At least it works for me.
It is 1:45AM here....the darkest time of night. The fog has returned and captured this house in grey chains thick as pea soup.
It seems all the rodents and cockroaches have taken refuge under the house. My dog listens intently at the squeals and taps below, cocking her ears and turning her head ever alert.
I ask myself two questions every day.
One is, "Did I do the best I can?" The next one is, "Can I do anything else?" If the answers are "Yes" and "no", then I must be like a duck and let the rest roll off my back.
Can I do or change anything in my life? Can I make it better in the future?
I can try...that is all.
*****************************
The next morning I woke with a kink in my neck. Having spent the night on that cement couch. But, it was either that or sleep on the floor.
I had Chai tea with the family, explained I would be gone for the day to look for work. They smiled and nodded except for Mr. D...he just grunted.
I boarded the bus at 9AM headed toward the main drag of the city to start looking for work.
I was aware of a lot of fast food places along thus strip. I was nervous about approaching strangers and going into strange places but, at least I was clean and had reasonably acceptable clothes on. I decided to work my way up the main drag toward the bridge. By the time I reached the bridge at the end of the day, I will be closer to a bus loop and return faster. The first place I entered was a pizza place. I walked up to the counter,
"Excuse me, I was wondering if there's work?"
The girl behind the counter passed over an application and said, "Fill this out, I'll pass it onto the boss."
I carried on in this fashion stopping at places like; Dairy Queen, Burger King, Wendy's, a Chinese food place and finally McDonald's not too far from the bridge. My feet were tired and I was hungry. I opted for fries and a coke, steered myself to a table and bounced off this guys chest tossing my fries everywhere. "Oh shit!" He exclaimed. "I'm really sorry I wasn't paying attention. Can I get you another order of fries?"
I just stared at this dark haired, blue eyed guy around my age with a blank expression. I snapped of it.
"Oh, yes please." I answered. I sat down with my coke and waited. A few minutes later he returned with the promised fries.
"Sorry about that," he said, a friendly expression on his face,"I didn't see you there."
He introduced himself and I did the same.
"I live just over the bridge. Goin' to Bumpers after I eat. Ever been there?" B asked.
"What's a Bumpers?" Answering his question with a question.
"It's a club." He answered.
"Ah no, I think I've had my fill of clubs." I said.
"It's not that kind of club," he said. "It's a club for teenagers. A place you can go to dance, shoot pool, play pinball games, or even air hockey." He explained. "No alcohol there as we're underage. But you can get a pop and a bite to eat."
"Sounds like fun." I said. "Maybe I'll come sometime."
"You should," he said, "You might like it. Tell you what. I'll give you my number, give me a shout if you'd like to go sometime. I'll even pick you up."
I offered a small smile and said, "Perhaps I will."
"Ok," he said. "Good to meet you. Take it easy."
"You too, bye."
I watched him walk out the door and jumped into a van then drove away. I made my way to the bus loop and boarded a bus. I gazed out the window as we drove along. Watching the sunset tease the horizon with golds, pinks, orange and finally red. Succumbing to the drop, the sun made one last blast of color shining under the clouds before the slipping to slumber. It was tranquil...not a feeling I'm used to but, it brought me a smile just the same.
I wish all days could give some peace.
But I have no such illusions...only the surety of challenge....
***********************
A deep breath and a sigh of remembrance. I settle my mind to return to the present. Sometimes a person can get lost in memory. Some never come out. Some do not reach their memories at all.
For those who try...wear a space suit or some armor.
It gets rough in there....
Tremble and shake my body quakes.
My mind directly in tow.
Knocking knees that can't believe we're one.
My hearts brazen hope.
What is courage that causes worry to cope.
Choices abandon the soul .
Rise up from dust and gather the bones.
Bring them home to grow.
Shake off the disease manipulators leave.
See black from the white .
Wash away the infection find new direction.
Add the color between.
Now it is done you'd better run.
My rage is no longer yours.
************************************
Two steps forward, one step back. Such is the nature of our life lessons. I am still learning. I've felt and still feel my thoughts expanding as my mind fills with new knowledge each and every day.
Knowledge of life and what's to come.
There's a chalk board in my mind with two columns on it. One column says nuts and the other column says not nuts. Depending on the check marks listed below, determines my state of mind.
How about going to the supermarket instead and say, "Fruit cake aisle seven just behind the nuts!"
This planet is the most negative planet in God's universe. The boot camp for souls, it's the place we come to learn our lessons the fastest to perfect our souls.
Any soul who chooses a life here is a warrior soul. We are all warriors souls. Like any battle though, there are casualties. At least it works for me.
It is 1:45AM here....the darkest time of night. The fog has returned and captured this house in grey chains thick as pea soup.
It seems all the rodents and cockroaches have taken refuge under the house. My dog listens intently at the squeals and taps below, cocking her ears and turning her head ever alert.
I ask myself two questions every day.
One is, "Did I do the best I can?" The next one is, "Can I do anything else?" If the answers are "Yes" and "no", then I must be like a duck and let the rest roll off my back.
Can I do or change anything in my life? Can I make it better in the future?
I can try...that is all.
*****************************
The next morning I woke with a kink in my neck. Having spent the night on that cement couch. But, it was either that or sleep on the floor.
I had Chai tea with the family, explained I would be gone for the day to look for work. They smiled and nodded except for Mr. D...he just grunted.
I boarded the bus at 9AM headed toward the main drag of the city to start looking for work.
I was aware of a lot of fast food places along thus strip. I was nervous about approaching strangers and going into strange places but, at least I was clean and had reasonably acceptable clothes on. I decided to work my way up the main drag toward the bridge. By the time I reached the bridge at the end of the day, I will be closer to a bus loop and return faster. The first place I entered was a pizza place. I walked up to the counter,
"Excuse me, I was wondering if there's work?"
The girl behind the counter passed over an application and said, "Fill this out, I'll pass it onto the boss."
I carried on in this fashion stopping at places like; Dairy Queen, Burger King, Wendy's, a Chinese food place and finally McDonald's not too far from the bridge. My feet were tired and I was hungry. I opted for fries and a coke, steered myself to a table and bounced off this guys chest tossing my fries everywhere. "Oh shit!" He exclaimed. "I'm really sorry I wasn't paying attention. Can I get you another order of fries?"
I just stared at this dark haired, blue eyed guy around my age with a blank expression. I snapped of it.
"Oh, yes please." I answered. I sat down with my coke and waited. A few minutes later he returned with the promised fries.
"Sorry about that," he said, a friendly expression on his face,"I didn't see you there."
He introduced himself and I did the same.
"I live just over the bridge. Goin' to Bumpers after I eat. Ever been there?" B asked.
"What's a Bumpers?" Answering his question with a question.
"It's a club." He answered.
"Ah no, I think I've had my fill of clubs." I said.
"It's not that kind of club," he said. "It's a club for teenagers. A place you can go to dance, shoot pool, play pinball games, or even air hockey." He explained. "No alcohol there as we're underage. But you can get a pop and a bite to eat."
"Sounds like fun." I said. "Maybe I'll come sometime."
"You should," he said, "You might like it. Tell you what. I'll give you my number, give me a shout if you'd like to go sometime. I'll even pick you up."
I offered a small smile and said, "Perhaps I will."
"Ok," he said. "Good to meet you. Take it easy."
"You too, bye."
I watched him walk out the door and jumped into a van then drove away. I made my way to the bus loop and boarded a bus. I gazed out the window as we drove along. Watching the sunset tease the horizon with golds, pinks, orange and finally red. Succumbing to the drop, the sun made one last blast of color shining under the clouds before the slipping to slumber. It was tranquil...not a feeling I'm used to but, it brought me a smile just the same.
I wish all days could give some peace.
But I have no such illusions...only the surety of challenge....
***********************
A deep breath and a sigh of remembrance. I settle my mind to return to the present. Sometimes a person can get lost in memory. Some never come out. Some do not reach their memories at all.
For those who try...wear a space suit or some armor.
It gets rough in there....
This story is from an autobio called Spectre book two of the series. Book one is called Ghost. Both can be found in my portfolio. Should you wish to read, please note sun. Chapters are difficult to digest. Reader the discretion is advised.
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