The Mortgage

"Tell me about Metztli," said John,

"He's a demon," said Julius.

"Well, duh. What about him?"

Julius gave the question deep consideration. He looked up at the ceiling of the cave. He looked down at his taloned feet. He stared at the remains of the marrow he'd eaten.

Finally he looked at John square in the eye and shrugged.

"Is his cave bigger than yours?"

Julius nodded. "Big cave. I can have it?"

"Maybe. How big is he? Bigger than you?" asked John. Julius nodded. "Bigger than Marduk?" Julius shook his head.

"Is he smart? Smarter than Marduk, I mean."

"Everyone's smarter than him," answered Julius.

"And you're sure you want a bigger cave? Because you've got Marduk giving you as much food as you want now."

"Bigger cave," affirmed Julius.

"Okay. Well, if this Metzil isn't stupid, we could come to a mutually beneficial financial arrangement."

"Fee-nar-saw," agreed Julius.

"Yeah. Here's the thing though. Mortgages come at a price."

"Mortgage is a bigger cave."

"Yeah, yeah, bigger cave. But it will cost you."

Julius gave John the nod he'd come to label, 'I'm going to pretend I understand you till I can find something I can grab onto'.

John sighed. "Okay, so we've got to give Metzil an incentive, right? We have to give him a reason to give up his cave."

"Fee-nar-saw?" suggested Julius.

"Yes, that's right. A financial incentive. You're going to have to make mortgage repayments. To Metzil. Understand?"

Julius nodded slowly. "No," he said at last.

++++

"It's my food!" whined Julius again as John dragged him by the hand along the foot of the cliff.

"You'll still get food. Just not as much." John wondered how many ways he could reword the same argument.

"But it's my food."

John stopped and threw Julius' arm down. "Once and for all. This is the last time I'm explaining it. You can have lots of food and your old cave, or less food but a bigger cave. That's it. Make up your mind. It's one or the other. That's what mortgage means. Big mortgage, less money. You can't have both. Now I've given you my best advice. I can broker this mortgage or you can keep your food. Make your mind up."

Julius stared at John with sullen eyes. He drew a breath but paused when he saw John's warning look. Perhaps Fee-nar-saw was not the best thing to say at this moment.

"Cave," he said at last. "Bigger cave."

"Then move your arse." John spun on his heel and strode on. After a pause Julius muttered "Fee-nar-saw" as though that would make it all better, then followed.

++++

"Metzli," called Julius.

"Louder," said John. "Like you mean it."

Julius sighed. "Metzli!," he shouted.

A shadow at the mouth of the cave resolved it into a demon. This one had a tail, but otherwise looked like a bigger version of Julius.

"Bugger off!" it said. As a greeting it lacked a certain professional polish but to be fair, in the real world John had heard worse. John nudged Julius.

"You want food?" asked Julius.

Metzli stepped a little closer and eyed John. "Not much meat on it. What's wrong with it?"

"No not this. This isn't food."

"Looks like food."

"No, no, this is a wizard. Fee-nar-saw."

"Fee what?"

"Powerful magic. It can get you food."

"Yeah? What's in it for you?"

"I like you," said Julius. "You never tried to eat me, not really."

John coughed. Julius was starting to wander from the script. "Regular payments," he whispered.

"Regular payments," Julius repeated.

"Regular what?"

"It's Fee-nar-saw. You give me some of the food Fee-nar-saw gives you, and you get to keep the rest."

Metzli narrowed his eyes, a disturbing effect with slit pupils. "What's the catch?"

John stepped forward. "Let me introduce myself," he said.

++++

Metzil sat on a rock, slowly chewing the cucumber Julius had given him as a deal teaser. Eventually he said "I could tell him. I expect Marduk would give me some food for the information that you tricked him."

"You're thinking short-term," said John. "Our way you get food indefinitely."

Metzil nodded. "I could just keep the food for myself."

"You could," said John. "But you wouldn't want the secret to get out. Julius here could help keep your secret."

"And I would have to give you some of the food."

"Half," said Julius.

"He means a quarter," said John. "But you're right. There is just one catch."

"Which is?"

"For the scam to work you'd need to live in the cave. You'd need to keep up the pretence I was still controlling the water. Damming it when needed."

"What's this cave like?"

"It has running water," said Julius.

++++

The cave wasn't that much bigger than Julius' old one, but he seemed happy. He kept pacing to and fro, patting the walls and stretching to his meagre height.

"Need to build up the entrance," he said. "Protection."

"Home improvements are your concern. They're out of my purview."

"What?"

"The entrance is down to you. Not financial. So, are you happy?"

Julius gave it due consideration, then nodded.

"Then it's time for my fee."

"Fee?"

"Send me home, remember? You had my financial advice and I brokered your mortgage. I did my bit. It's been a pleasure, don't ever call me again. Bye. Enjoy the rest of your â?" um â?" existence."

Julius stared at John. "Home?" he said.

"Yes." John clenched his fists and took a step forward. "That was the deal, right? The contract? You signed it. Now send me home."

"Home," Julius said, nodding.

"Don't tell me you don't know how."

"Okay."

"Okay what?"

"I won't tell you."

"We had a contract!" John shouted.

"Contract!" repeated Julius, matching John's volume.

"I fulfilled my part!" He took another step forward.

"Fulfilled." Julius stared up at John, eyes wide.

"So send me home! Now!"

"Home!" screamed Julius, waving the scrap of paper that had summoned the human in the first place. "Fee-nar-saw!"

The flash blinded the demon. When he could see again he was alone.

"Fee-nar-saw," he said, nodding to himself. It was powerful magic all right. He looked around his new home, straightened up and raised his chin. He pointed to the entrance of the cave. "Fee-nar-saw!" he commanded. Stones resolutely refused to block the entrance. He sighed. Well, even magic had its limitations, he supposed. He picked up a stone and laid it at the entrance. Looking back he surveyed his new home. It was bigger than his old cave, undeniably. Bigger. Julius sighed.

How big was Marduk's cave?