Me. Her. Him - Chapter Twelve

Background: Angela is shocked when William, an old friend from her past, who she hoped never to see again, comes back into her life, after he applies for a role at her work and successfully secures the job. William’s sudden reappearance puts Angela on edge. She’s terrified he’s discovered her secret, which she needs to protect her family from. William’s convinced Angela knows what happened to his former girlfriend, Caz, who hasn't been seen for twenty years, and that something terrible happened to her. The only person, who can help Angela, is her once best friend, Michelle, but Angela hasn’t seen Michelle for more than a decade. Faced with the threat of William’s return, they know they’ll need to work together to save their future, even if this does mean reopening old wounds, and revisiting a past they'd rather keep buried.

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‘Hello, earth to Angela.’

Kirsty’s staring at me, her eyes wide. The whir of a coffee machine and the sounds of other people chatting in the Costa around me, yank me back to reality. I’d been with Michelle, for a brief moment in my head. She was grasping hold of my hands. It was so real. Her voice was so clear. I play with the charms on my bracelet. One of them was a gift from Michelle, which she got me for my birthday years ago; it’s the little silver book. Her voice reaches out to me again.

‘Angela, we can’t continue on like this,’ Michelle said, her green eyes fixed on mine.

We’re in a field, a ten minute walk from my house. The ground is hard underneath my feet; the cobwebs in the gaps of the fence to my left are sparkling white in the cool winter sun.

‘What are you saying?’ I replied, my mind going into overdrive, a million questions cramming into every available space in my head.

Michelle had shaken her head. ‘Us, being together like this. We’re living in the past all the time. We need to move on.’

‘I . . . I.’

My temples throbbed. My duffle coat crumpled as I lifted my gloved hand to my eye.

She grasped my hand, before I had the chance to shove it back into my pocket. Her skin is red raw, I couldn’t understand why she wasn’t wearing gloves.

‘Angela, you have Paul and Rebecca. You need to focus on them.’

‘But I can’t lose you,’ I said, tears filling my eyes. ‘Rebecca loves you; you’re a second Mum to her. She’ll be lost without you.’

'She’ll be fine. I can’t stay with you anymore, Angela. It’s too hard. It’s different, now you have Paul. It’s not the same.’

‘What’s too hard? Michelle . . . Michelle, talk to me.’

She wiped her eyes. ‘I’ve got to go, Angela. I’m sorry.’

I rub the back of my neck.

‘Oh God, sorry, I was miles away,’ I say, shifting in my seat, pushing the memory of the last time I saw Michelle to the back of my mind.

‘Yeah, I noticed.’ Kirsty says, half smiling at me. ‘So, did you manage to catch EastEnders last night?’

I shake my head, glad she hasn’t asked me to elaborate on what I’d been thinking about. The charms on my bracelet rattle as I place my hand on the table. ‘No, I keep telling you I’ve been meaning to catch up on it for ages, but I’ve not got round to it.’

Kirsty tuts and leans back in her seat.

‘Honestly, Angela, you’re the only one I can have a real gossip with about what’s going on in EastEnders, now I can’t even rely on you. Everyone in my family thinks I’m mad watching it, but I don’t criticize them. My sister’s a fan of Love Island, which says it all about her taste, doesn’t it? If I enjoy it, then that should be enough.’

‘Oh yes, I agree,’ I say, picking up my latte and taking a sip. My eyes travel to the display cabinet to my right, they clap on the millionaire shortbreads behind the glass. My stomach groans. It’s the one treat I can never resist whenever I visit Costa, but I have a feeling if I have one, I’ll end up throwing it back up afterwards. I switch my gaze back round to Kirsty. ‘Paul ended up watching that new drama on BBC One last night. I wasn’t in the mood for watching anything. Don’t ask me what the name of it is now, I can’t remember.’

‘I think I know what one you mean, it looks good. So what are your thoughts on William then?’ Kirsty asks. ‘Do you think he’s settling in well?’

I focus my attention on the office on the other side of the road, half expecting to see him there. I imagine him watching us from the windows upstairs, oh yes, that would be something he would do. I look back to Kirsty.  

‘Yes, he seems to be getting on okay.’ It seems to me everyone’s doing this on purpose, asking me about him, as if they know the reaction it’s going to stir in me. ‘The first few days are always going to be a bit tough, aren’t they?’

‘He was asking about you yesterday,’ Kirsty says.

I switch my gaze round to her again as she picks up her drink.

‘What do you mean he was asking you about me?’ I ask, leaning forward on the table. I knew it; I knew this would happen that he would start drip feeding information about me.

‘Well, he wanted to know more about you. He asked how long you’d been working here and about your family, I didn’t give him loads of details. I thought it would be better for him to ask you directly.’  

My hands tighten around my glass. ‘And what exactly did you say to him?’ I say, unable to stop my voice from rising.

'Just general stuff, you know. Is there a problem?’

Shit.

I really wish Kirsty could see it, she wouldn’t have said anything to William if she knew. ‘No . . .  it just seems a bit odd, that’s all,’ I say, trying to keep my voice as calm as I can.

Inside I want to scream. I want to yell at Kirsty, I begin to tap my foot under the table.

She shrugs. ‘Look, I’m sure there was no harm him asking a few questions, he might’ve, I guessed, fancied his chances with you, but I told him you were married. If I fancied someone now, then I wouldn’t waste any time in finding out more about them, even if it was to find out that they weren’t single. Life’s too short at the end of the day. We’re not as young and free as we once were, back when we could pick and choose like sweets in a pick and mix. I’m getting fed up of going back to my apartment without anyone being there. I suppose I could get a cat, but if I’m no good with plants, what chance have I ever got of looking after an animal?’

I’m going to have to try and forget Kirsty’s comments about William for the time being. ‘Well, you’re still a good ten years younger than me, Kirsty,’ I say. ‘We need to get out one night and find you someone. It’s been ages since we’ve had a proper night out.’

‘You’re still coming to my gig this weekend?’ she asks. I search my brain, when did she tell me about her gig? ‘Oh come on, Angela, don’t tell me you’ve forgot?’

Then I remember Kirsty telling me last week she was singing at a local pub, about ten minutes’ drive from here. This weekend. Why does it have to be this weekend?

‘Oh yes . . . of course, don’t worry I’ll be there,’ I reply, even though there’s no way I’ll be going, not if I end up meeting Michelle on the same day.  

I finish the rest of my coffee, wishing I had some sugar to add to help calm my nerves. If I could go into town and get a glass of wine I would.

*

William’s on the phone when I get back to my desk after lunch. He doesn’t make eye contact with me as I sit down. My brain is a mess. I can’t concentrate. Every so often I keep glancing over the top of my computer screen at him, but he doesn’t pay me any attention.

At half past four he stands up and pulls his jacket on at the same time I do. I resist the urge to shove my chair back under the desk. This is hell. He’s doing this on purpose. I grab my car keys, its teeth bite into the palm of my hand.  

He smiles at me as I push my mobile into my pocket; it’s the first time he’s acknowledged me since I came back from lunch. He knows what he’s doing.

‘After you.’ He holds his hand in front of him as we both move toward the lift.

I keep my head down. I should’ve waited a few more moments. I could pretend I’ve forgotten something and turn back, but he might wait.

He’s been waiting for the perfect opportunity. If someone gets in the lift now, it will ruin whatever it is he’s planned. He’ll have been thinking about this all day.

William clasps his hands together. Please let one of my other colleagues come in, please.

But everyone else, who’s still in the office, remains at their desks, as if they’re doing so on purpose, as if they’re all in on this together.

The thought of him speaking to Kirsty swirls around inside my head.

The lift doors close.

‘So, did you ever think we’d be in this position?’ he asks.

Did he just say that, is he finally admitting to me who he is? My heart’s ramming against my chest. ‘What?’

‘Caz must be so proud of you. You were her best friend after all, although, I’m not sure why you decided to dye your hair. I loved you as a brunette twenty years ago. You’ve spoilt it going for that colour.’

I watch the different floor numbers appear on the screen. This is it, the moment I’ve been dreading these last few days.

‘I knew it was you.’

His breath is hot on the back of my neck, making every hair stand up on end.

‘Sorry, did you say something, Angela?’

Ha. I tip my head back and glance up at the ceiling. He’s trying to sound so innocent. It’s pathetic.

‘I want you to leave me alone. Get out of my life now and nothing needs to happen.’

Spittle flies out of my mouth. I watch it land on his cheek. I imagine him wincing inside.

He frowns. ‘Now why would you want me to do that, Angela? Unless there’s something you’re hiding from me. I’d think very carefully if I were you. You’ve got that lovely daughter, haven’t you?’

I shove him against the side of the lift, pushing him so hard the lift rattles around us as it begins to slow down, but I don’t care. I stare into his eyes, the rage boiling over inside me, making my whole body tremble. I grip hold of his shirt tight. His eyes are wild as he stares back at me.

‘Stay away from me you bastard. You made your feelings clear all those years ago.’

The lift doors open. I release my grip and stumble back.

I’m aware now that Kirsty may have heard what I said. It’s sometimes possible to hear people chatting in the lift as they make their way up or down.

He says nothing more to me. His Adam’s apple’s bobbing up and down in his throat, it’s like he’s making a mockery of me.

William remains standing in the lift, as I step out backwards.

I hold my hand to my mouth. I’ve done it now. I turn and begin to run.

I glance back over my shoulder as I dash out of the building and into the car park. I will the ground to open up and swallow me whole. I’d sell my soul in this instant to get out of this.

William’s talking to Kirsty now. She’s looking into his eyes, her mouth open slightly as she takes in what he’s saying.

He’s going to tell her everything that happened. Everything I said.

I switch my gaze back on my car, trying to ignore the pain in forehead, dive into the driver’s seat, and buckle in my seatbelt. I want to drive and keep driving as far away from here as I can.

I thump the car steering wheel.

What the hell have I done?

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Character List:

Angela Watkins - Protagonist 

Paul Watkins - Angela's husband

Rebecca Watkins - Angela's daughter 

Michelle Blake - Angela's former best friend 

Kirsty - Receptionist (Angela's friend) 

Olivia - Angela's boss

William Harris - Angela's former friend 

Caroline (Caz) - Angela's friend 

Hayley - Angela's former friend

Lauren - Angela's former friend