| Biographical Non-Fiction posted November 4, 2023 | Chapters: |
...47 48 -49- 50... 
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Disconnect between mind and body.
A chapter in the book Ghost
Paralyzed
by Lea Tonin1
The author has placed a warning on this post for language.
Waking up to a new day, I can see the sunlight wrestling with the shadows in my room. Watching a delightful shifting of reflected leaves upon my wall, I let out a long yawn.
Internal check tells me that I'm so far, so good. A long night's rest was helpful.
It's not a body tired, it is a mental tired and I must listen to those cues when they happen. A big sigh and stretch brought me to my feet and out to the coffee pot.
Oh good, a cup left just for me.
Holding a warm cup of coffee with my hands wrapped dutifully around it, I looked around and saw once again, like a beacon, my PC shining its intelligent digital grin and saying,
"Come now. It's time to write...."
*****************************
Thundering on the roof, the rain danced with abandon attempting to create a swimming pool rather than the house that it was.
"Get up." Mother said.
" In case you didn't know, you are his favourite. He said that girl's got spunk. He wants to talk this time. No fighting."
"What?!" I thought. "Shit! I couldn't handle another one of those sessions, not now."
My body went to comply with the command but my mind would not allow it to do so.
"I can't move," I said.
"What do you mean you can't move?" She asked.
"Like I said I can't move," I said.
I suggest you get your ass outta that bed right now before your father gets angry!" She hissed.
"He's not my father," I responded.
"You know what I'm talking about." She said.
Again exploding from my mouth. "I can't fucking move! Do you understand English?! Leave me alone! Get out! Get out! GET OUT!!!" My mother scurried out and it wasn't long before I heard the bang and shuffle of his booted feet on the stairs. The door scraped and banged against the wall. There he stood in his work uniform, his face purple with rage.
"You had better be outta this bed by the time I get home from work and your chores done too! Do you understand me?!"
Refusing to look at him I mumbled, "Yes."
"I can't hear you!" He said with gritted teeth.
"Yes!" I said louder.
He glared at me for a few more seconds, then walked out and the door slammed. I then heard his vehicle start, then fade away.
I never awoke that day to do my chores. I didn't wake up the next day either, Not until it was night again.
I vaguely remember someone pulling on me, trying to get me to move. Then someone tried to give me water but, I couldn't even rise to the surface. When I finally did wake, I was completely confused, disoriented and not sure of my whereabouts. Slowly, I recognized the room around me and where I was. The events just prior also barged their way back into my memory.
Panic returned and weakened my knees when I tried to stand. I had to force myself to calm down by breathing into my nose and out my mouth steadily, as best as I could.
My heart settled down and I was able to walk to the bathroom. There I had the longest pee of my life. I swear I sat there for a good half hour.
Carefully, quietly I made my way upstairs to the kitchen. The house was dead quiet and dark. I noticed the time. 1:46 AM.
Straight to the kitchen I went. I opened the fridge door grabbed the bottle of milk, upended the bottle into my mouth and drank until I could drink no more. With shaking legs, I made myself some toast and then, quickly inhaled it along with a little more milk.
Feeling a slight bit better, I returned to my room and lay down again. It wasn't long before a normal restful sleep took me. It was opposite to the deep, almost coma-like, sleep I had prior.
My brain had had enough you see. The demand on my mind was rough and took its toll. My brain's outright refusal to go on, until and unless, it could shut down for a time.
Back to my corner of the ring, adjust my gloves, and lick my wounds to come back fighting one more time.
For now...it's lights out.
*****************************
Looking up from writing this chapter, I noticed the time was exactly 1:46 PM. The same time I woke up years ago except it was the wee hours and not the afternoon like today.
A funky and weird coincidence...hmm...
Waking up to a new day, I can see the sunlight wrestling with the shadows in my room. Watching a delightful shifting of reflected leaves upon my wall, I let out a long yawn.
Internal check tells me that I'm so far, so good. A long night's rest was helpful.
It's not a body tired, it is a mental tired and I must listen to those cues when they happen. A big sigh and stretch brought me to my feet and out to the coffee pot.
Oh good, a cup left just for me.
Holding a warm cup of coffee with my hands wrapped dutifully around it, I looked around and saw once again, like a beacon, my PC shining its intelligent digital grin and saying,
"Come now. It's time to write...."
*****************************
Thundering on the roof, the rain danced with abandon attempting to create a swimming pool rather than the house that it was.
"Get up." Mother said.
" In case you didn't know, you are his favourite. He said that girl's got spunk. He wants to talk this time. No fighting."
"What?!" I thought. "Shit! I couldn't handle another one of those sessions, not now."
My body went to comply with the command but my mind would not allow it to do so.
"I can't move," I said.
"What do you mean you can't move?" She asked.
"Like I said I can't move," I said.
I suggest you get your ass outta that bed right now before your father gets angry!" She hissed.
"He's not my father," I responded.
"You know what I'm talking about." She said.
Again exploding from my mouth. "I can't fucking move! Do you understand English?! Leave me alone! Get out! Get out! GET OUT!!!" My mother scurried out and it wasn't long before I heard the bang and shuffle of his booted feet on the stairs. The door scraped and banged against the wall. There he stood in his work uniform, his face purple with rage.
"You had better be outta this bed by the time I get home from work and your chores done too! Do you understand me?!"
Refusing to look at him I mumbled, "Yes."
"I can't hear you!" He said with gritted teeth.
"Yes!" I said louder.
He glared at me for a few more seconds, then walked out and the door slammed. I then heard his vehicle start, then fade away.
I never awoke that day to do my chores. I didn't wake up the next day either, Not until it was night again.
I vaguely remember someone pulling on me, trying to get me to move. Then someone tried to give me water but, I couldn't even rise to the surface. When I finally did wake, I was completely confused, disoriented and not sure of my whereabouts. Slowly, I recognized the room around me and where I was. The events just prior also barged their way back into my memory.
Panic returned and weakened my knees when I tried to stand. I had to force myself to calm down by breathing into my nose and out my mouth steadily, as best as I could.
My heart settled down and I was able to walk to the bathroom. There I had the longest pee of my life. I swear I sat there for a good half hour.
Carefully, quietly I made my way upstairs to the kitchen. The house was dead quiet and dark. I noticed the time. 1:46 AM.
Straight to the kitchen I went. I opened the fridge door grabbed the bottle of milk, upended the bottle into my mouth and drank until I could drink no more. With shaking legs, I made myself some toast and then, quickly inhaled it along with a little more milk.
Feeling a slight bit better, I returned to my room and lay down again. It wasn't long before a normal restful sleep took me. It was opposite to the deep, almost coma-like, sleep I had prior.
My brain had had enough you see. The demand on my mind was rough and took its toll. My brain's outright refusal to go on, until and unless, it could shut down for a time.
Back to my corner of the ring, adjust my gloves, and lick my wounds to come back fighting one more time.
For now...it's lights out.
*****************************
Looking up from writing this chapter, I noticed the time was exactly 1:46 PM. The same time I woke up years ago except it was the wee hours and not the afternoon like today.
A funky and weird coincidence...hmm...
This chapter is part of an auto bio called "Ghost", it can be found in my portfolio if you wish to read. Please note, some of it can be hard to get through reader discretion is advised.
***Picture by Lea Tonin***
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