Humor Poetry posted September 17, 2023

Paul Manton

I am now a retired teacher. I used to teach full curriculum from Grade 5 to 11; also English Lit. and Theology in Colleges - adjunct professor at St. John's College (seminary) Nottingham and Edinburgh Episcopal seminary.
Altogether, on and o - more...

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Technology Goes Horribly Wrong!

Amazon Returns

by Paul Manton

Reason for Return? Other

Dear Amazon

I was very impressed
when I first received
this piece of technology
which is certainly
cutting-edge
and has proved
remarkably effective.

The first button
when depressed
switched on
every electronic device
in my house

but after several hours
by using a variety
of algorithms
I learned to control
each device
individually

and also the streetlights

and with practice
make free phone calls
to Japan.

Up to this point
I felt a certain
amount of optimism
toward the product.

Even benevolence.

The second button
was something of a mystery
until I watched CNN
from America
where the security system
at Fort Knox
had been successfully
hacked, causing
the U.S. gold reserves
to be carried away
by an army
of fork-lift trucks.

$4 trillion has been removed
so far and stock-markets
all over the world
have crashed.

The third button
has somehow linked
itself to the ICBM silos
at Cheyenne Mountain
Colorado where they are
currently at DEFCON 2
whatever that means.

As I write this
the British Cabinet is
somewhere underground
the Royal Family have left
Buckingham Palace
and the President
is in Air Force 1
at an unspecified location
near the North Pole.

In the light of these events
I have decided not to engage
buttons 4 - 7.

In fact
I wish now
that I had taken my son’s advice
and never bought a Smart-Shirt
in the first place.

AMAZON REPLIES

Dear Paul

We are sorry that you
have experienced a few
teething troubles with
your new Smart-Shirt.

Unfortunately
you have not specified
in your email
whether you require
a refund or a replacement
of the product.

If a replacement is needed
there may be
a considerable delay
as several of our warehouses
are no longer serviceable
owing to unacceptably high
levels of radiation.

We are presently
working on an upgrade
to the shirt, which
is undergoing development
in our new and extensive
underground bunker.

Ready for next season
it will be furnished with superior
mother-of-pearl buttons
and offer a choice of finishes:

Cobalt 60 or First Strike

We thank you again
for your continued custom
and assure you that
nothing is too much trouble
for your friends at Amazamamaaa . . . . . . . . . . MESSAGE ENDS

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Recognized

#13
September
2023

Well, who would have thought too much tech could do so much damage?
Apart from Mary Shelley, Edgar Allan Poe, HG Wells, Jules Verne, George Orwell and a thousand other writers of dystopian literature! (Please add your own favorites.)
Everything else is delivered by Amazon, so why not the End of the World?

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