| Humor Non-Fiction posted July 28, 2023 |
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If you want advice, please listen.
Don't Ask if...
by Loretta Bigg
Because I speak many languages, I work at recruitment fairs. We often travel to dangerous places and this latest trip was no exception.
My boss Joanna tagged along for the ride. She did no work at all. Joanna was a large, blowsy woman, taller than most men, Scandinavian housewife type, and dressed exactly wrong for the climate in a blue wool suit,white socks and sandals. No one would ever mistake her for a local. I tried to avoid her but right from the start she treated me like her private tour guide.
Her first demand when we arrived at our hotel was, "Stick with me. This place looks iffy."
"No Joanna," I answered. "I have work to do, and it's not part of my contract to act as bodyguard."
"Well, at least give me advice on how to stay safe."
I gave her a list of five things:
Don't drink the tap water;
Don't eat the unpeeled fruit or street food;
Don't go out alone late at night;
If you must go out late at night, don't bring any valuables;
If someone tries to rob you, don't fight back.
These tips were basic, but we would be there for only a couple of days, so she wouldn't need much more to be safe. So off she went to have fun while I spent the day recruiting and following my own advice.
The next day, she came to the breakfast with a large black eye. "I feel really sick," she groaned. "So much for your advice."
"What on earth did you do?"
"I didn't do anything, it was all done to me. First of all, you didn't tell me where to buy bottled water, or how to ask someone for it, so I had to drink from the tap, I had no choice. Then I got really hungry."
"Don't tell me you..."
"The fruit stands and the food stands are amazing. How come you didn't tell me they made such fantastic hot dogs here?"
"You didn't eat..."
"But for some reason that night, I got really sick to my stomach so I decided the fresh air would do me good, so I changed into my bathing suit for a walk on the beach. No one from our team wanted to come along, but too bad on them because they missed one beautiful sunset. And where were you?"
"I was working."
"Anyway, I brought a hotel towel along and covered up my purse and watch in the sand. Then I took a dip in the water. So warm! A bit dirty though, you said nothing about that. My bathing suit got stains on it. Anyway, I was swimming, enjoying the view when I looked out to the shore and noticed three men rummaging through my stuff. I swam back as fast as I could and ran the rest of the way, chasing them. When I caught up, I slapped the little one holding my purse, and he punched me in the face."
"But I told you..."
"You didn't tell me the police wouldn't know how to speak English. That watch was valuable, too. Gone forever."
I tried not to laugh but it was hard. "Joanna, if you intended to DO all the things that I told you not to do, then why even bother asking?"
"Well, now I've had my adventure," was her reply. "Not my fault you're too cowardly to take chances like that. Live a little."
Live a little? She could have been killed!
I spent the rest of the trip avoiding her, and she spent it telling everyone not to ask me for advice because I didn't know anything.
A Good Turn Gone Wrong writing prompt entry
Because I speak many languages, I work at recruitment fairs. We often travel to dangerous places and this latest trip was no exception.
My boss Joanna tagged along for the ride. She did no work at all. Joanna was a large, blowsy woman, taller than most men, Scandinavian housewife type, and dressed exactly wrong for the climate in a blue wool suit,white socks and sandals. No one would ever mistake her for a local. I tried to avoid her but right from the start she treated me like her private tour guide.
Her first demand when we arrived at our hotel was, "Stick with me. This place looks iffy."
"No Joanna," I answered. "I have work to do, and it's not part of my contract to act as bodyguard."
"Well, at least give me advice on how to stay safe."
I gave her a list of five things:
Don't drink the tap water;
Don't eat the unpeeled fruit or street food;
Don't go out alone late at night;
If you must go out late at night, don't bring any valuables;
If someone tries to rob you, don't fight back.
These tips were basic, but we would be there for only a couple of days, so she wouldn't need much more to be safe. So off she went to have fun while I spent the day recruiting and following my own advice.
The next day, she came to the breakfast with a large black eye. "I feel really sick," she groaned. "So much for your advice."
"What on earth did you do?"
"I didn't do anything, it was all done to me. First of all, you didn't tell me where to buy bottled water, or how to ask someone for it, so I had to drink from the tap, I had no choice. Then I got really hungry."
"Don't tell me you..."
"The fruit stands and the food stands are amazing. How come you didn't tell me they made such fantastic hot dogs here?"
"You didn't eat..."
"But for some reason that night, I got really sick to my stomach so I decided the fresh air would do me good, so I changed into my bathing suit for a walk on the beach. No one from our team wanted to come along, but too bad on them because they missed one beautiful sunset. And where were you?"
"I was working."
"Anyway, I brought a hotel towel along and covered up my purse and watch in the sand. Then I took a dip in the water. So warm! A bit dirty though, you said nothing about that. My bathing suit got stains on it. Anyway, I was swimming, enjoying the view when I looked out to the shore and noticed three men rummaging through my stuff. I swam back as fast as I could and ran the rest of the way, chasing them. When I caught up, I slapped the little one holding my purse, and he punched me in the face."
"But I told you..."
"You didn't tell me the police wouldn't know how to speak English. That watch was valuable, too. Gone forever."
I tried not to laugh but it was hard. "Joanna, if you intended to DO all the things that I told you not to do, then why even bother asking?"
"Well, now I've had my adventure," was her reply. "Not my fault you're too cowardly to take chances like that. Live a little."
Live a little? She could have been killed!
I spent the rest of the trip avoiding her, and she spent it telling everyone not to ask me for advice because I didn't know anything.
My boss Joanna tagged along for the ride. She did no work at all. Joanna was a large, blowsy woman, taller than most men, Scandinavian housewife type, and dressed exactly wrong for the climate in a blue wool suit,white socks and sandals. No one would ever mistake her for a local. I tried to avoid her but right from the start she treated me like her private tour guide.
Her first demand when we arrived at our hotel was, "Stick with me. This place looks iffy."
"No Joanna," I answered. "I have work to do, and it's not part of my contract to act as bodyguard."
"Well, at least give me advice on how to stay safe."
I gave her a list of five things:
Don't drink the tap water;
Don't eat the unpeeled fruit or street food;
Don't go out alone late at night;
If you must go out late at night, don't bring any valuables;
If someone tries to rob you, don't fight back.
These tips were basic, but we would be there for only a couple of days, so she wouldn't need much more to be safe. So off she went to have fun while I spent the day recruiting and following my own advice.
The next day, she came to the breakfast with a large black eye. "I feel really sick," she groaned. "So much for your advice."
"What on earth did you do?"
"I didn't do anything, it was all done to me. First of all, you didn't tell me where to buy bottled water, or how to ask someone for it, so I had to drink from the tap, I had no choice. Then I got really hungry."
"Don't tell me you..."
"The fruit stands and the food stands are amazing. How come you didn't tell me they made such fantastic hot dogs here?"
"You didn't eat..."
"But for some reason that night, I got really sick to my stomach so I decided the fresh air would do me good, so I changed into my bathing suit for a walk on the beach. No one from our team wanted to come along, but too bad on them because they missed one beautiful sunset. And where were you?"
"I was working."
"Anyway, I brought a hotel towel along and covered up my purse and watch in the sand. Then I took a dip in the water. So warm! A bit dirty though, you said nothing about that. My bathing suit got stains on it. Anyway, I was swimming, enjoying the view when I looked out to the shore and noticed three men rummaging through my stuff. I swam back as fast as I could and ran the rest of the way, chasing them. When I caught up, I slapped the little one holding my purse, and he punched me in the face."
"But I told you..."
"You didn't tell me the police wouldn't know how to speak English. That watch was valuable, too. Gone forever."
I tried not to laugh but it was hard. "Joanna, if you intended to DO all the things that I told you not to do, then why even bother asking?"
"Well, now I've had my adventure," was her reply. "Not my fault you're too cowardly to take chances like that. Live a little."
Live a little? She could have been killed!
I spent the rest of the trip avoiding her, and she spent it telling everyone not to ask me for advice because I didn't know anything.
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Writing Prompt Please write a very short story based on trying to help someone, but it's not appreciated. Fun or serious. No poetry. |
 Recognized |
Artwork by suzannethompson2 at FanArtReview.com
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