Ae Fond Kiss

Eddi Reader

Ae fond kiss and then we sever
Ae fareweel, alas for ever
Deep in heart-wrung tears I’ll pledge thee
Warring sighs and groans I’ll wage thee

Who shall say that fortune grieves him
While the star of hope she leaves him
Me, nae cheerful twinkle lights me
Dark despair around benights me

I’ll ne’er blame my partial fancy
Nothing can resist my Nancy
For to see her was to love her
Love but her, and love for ever

Had we never loved sae kindly
Had we never loved sae blindly
Nor never met, nor never parted
We would never have been so broken-hearted

Fare thee weel, my first and fairest
Fare thee weel, my best and dearest
Thine be like joy and treasure…
Peace, enjoyment, love and pleasure

Mmm, ae fond kiss, and then we sever
Ae fareweel alas, for ever
Deep in heart-wrung tears I’ll pledge thee
Warring sighs and groans I’ll wage thee

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Chris Hazell / Dp / Robert Burns

Ae Fond Kiss lyrics © Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd., Universal Music Publishing Group, Warner Chappell Music, Inc

Based on a memory of a school friend in my formative years, and of my own first love

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Fond Kisses

The day had begun with a normal catchup between two long-term friends. I confess I was half listening, about an event that had happened years before. Then taking a breath, and looking at me quizzically, Ann said

“Of course, that happened after Sean… died.”

It was one of those crushing moments when disbelief once again fights logic.  You are stuck in the middle not quite knowing what to say or what to think, yet you are thinking nonetheless: your eyes transfixed on something behind your companion opposite, who is at that moment concerned for your welfare. You stare at the wall fighting emotion, telling yourself to grow up, but unbidden, the images of a bygone era flash through your mind.

“Meg, are you alright?” her voice was gentle, her eyes steadily watching me. I noticed before, that nurses rarely relax; they are always on the lookout for signs and symptoms of something. Ann was a dedicated nursing sister; too dedicated at this point, but rather than chiding her I smiled.

“Yeah,” I answered looking at my oldest and dearest pal.

“I thought you knew about Sean?” Ann was puzzled

“Yes, I knew, but I had forgotten.”  then thought “You are getting to be a good liar when it suits you.”

The rest of the afternoon passed in a blur. It must have included copious cups of tea, a good chinwag and a glance at the clock telling me it was time to go or I’d miss the bus.

As darkness fell, the hustle and bustle of a typical Glasgow suburb was no different from any other night, or was it?  To be honest, I took no notice.  I inserted the key in the front door, of my flat, switched on the lights, and the heating and changed my clothes almost on automatic pilot. Last night’s leftovers would do for dinner after all; I had to eat, but more likely have a “greet”. In my head I knew Sean Wilson was dead, but in my heart was his last fond kiss, in my memory the pressure of his lips. It was then I realised that Ann may not have known how close the friendship really was. She might get to hear, one day.

I decided to put the radio on; there was usually good background music to be heard on Friday evenings. I stood not believing the choice; of all nights why did they have the Kenneth MacKellar rendition of Ae Fond Kiss, the beautiful Robert Burns poem often done as a duet though MacKellar’s rendition in this case, was solo. I thought of the days Sean and I had rehearsed and performed this song. We did a few gigs together, got a name for ourselves, a bit extra cash but there were several layers of Sean. For a time, I loved every single one of them; until a door of my life closed.

Ann and I started school together from our baby school days.  We were still in the same class, when we discovered, a new boy.  His name was Sean Wilson. Shorter than some of the boys, he had blonde curly hair, and eyes that seemed to read through your thought.  He was what my Mum called a wee basher.  To my mind as I listened to the gorgeous tenor voice, Sean was all that; if he saw a job needed doing, he did it and did not think of the consequences. He was placid, determined and stood up to bullies even those taller than he. Yes, the giants had second thoughts about misbehaving if Sean gave him the look, often referred to as the “Scottish” look. It may never silence the Angels heralding the Christ child’s birth, but it silenced an argument, or a rebellious child. Scottish mothers perfected it and most Dads copied it

I remember the day I was going back to the classroom and noticed that Sean and another boy in the class were in the boys’ common room; segregation was fine for certain meetings or gym class. Sean saw me at the door. His expression was a mixture of disbelief and horror.

“Meg you’re no’ allowed in here This is for boys only, and you have a very long ponytail with ribbons, so I dinna think you’d pass for a boy.” Sean’s companion roared laughing.

“Even Steven thinks so.” Sean was serious.  If right was right, you did the right thing, if it were wrong you avoided a wrong act. At nearly seven years old Sean stood for what was right, just like his dad.

Steven Pickford would from that time, be referred to as “Even Steven”, a term usually associated with measurement.  Ann, thought it a great joke, not so, Miss Hall our class teacher, perhaps Steven, was one of her favourites. It worried me, because I was timid, but, it did not bother Sean.  One day when I was walking home alone, Steven walked past me, said hello, chatted and suddenly, rushed off, because he would be late. I thought no more about it, until I walked past an old, elegant well establish almost stately home. It had hedges along the fence, which I was admiring until I heard:

 “Boo.”

Even Steven had decided to tease.  He chatted some more but kept blocking my way, and I needed to be home, or Mum would be concerned; she was rather protective of her young much like a lioness with her cubs.  I screamed, but that made him laugh all the more. Just then, I heard the sound of running feet. It was Sean making the noise of the racing cars he loved, as he went.  Suddenly the car sound stopped and the feet were stilled. Sean, assessing the situation looked at me.

“Meg, why are you not home yet?” he asked “your Mum will be upset.”

I looked helplessly at Sean, realising I was close to tears.  Then he saw Even Steven:

“Are you picking on everyone again?” Sean asked “you just don’t pick on Meg, you hear?”

“No, I was just…”

“Up to no good. Go home or I will tell Miss Hall, or maybe yer dad.”

Even Steven fled as fast as his skinny wee legs could carry him. Meanwhile Sean decisively, placed his hand on my shoulder.

“I’ll walk you home Meg, otherwise your Mum will be looking for you.”

“It’s okay, Sean I’m nearly home.”

“How do you know he’ll no’ be hidin’ somewhere?  asked Sean “he’s got nobody to go home to. That’s the problem.”

“How do you know that?” I asked

“He’s been home at our house a couple of times Mum took pity on him and made him a sandwich. Mum and Dad haven’t told me, but Steven’s dad works in the same place as my dad, and…” Sean exhaled “well Mr Pickford is nasty.”

I understood that whatever Sean was keeping from me had to remain that way, meanwhile I could see my Mum opening the front door of our house, scanning the street in search of her number one daughter. Sean saw her and waved

“It’s okay Mrs Boxer. I found her.”

Mum rushed over, eyeing me up and down.

“Why did you need to be found, Meg?” her voice was gentle

“Meg met up with Steven Pickford, Mrs Boxer. “

Suddenly Mum understood and nodded.

“Thank you for looking after Meg, Sean” she smiled “your Mum and Dad should be very pleased to have a wee boy like you, in fact I’m going to ring your Mum and tell her.  Will you be okay getting home?”

Sean nodded

“Would you like some banana cake?” she asked

“Oh, that would be nice,” said Sean

Sean loved banana cake, Mum went inside wrapped up two pieces and gave it to him.

“No running while you eat now.” she cautioned “otherwise you might choke.”

Sean waved as he  walked down the street.

“He’s a good boy love.” said Mum “I’m glad you are friends, I just hope…”

“Hope what, Mummy?”

“Never mind, love. I’d better call Mrs Wilson, at least she will know that Sean is on his way.”

She was going to say, “I hope he does not break your heart”

Was my Mum one of those Scots with the sixth sense?

At secondary school Sean and I met up again. Neither of us liked science though he was a better mathematician than I.  We both loved music and joined the school choir.  This was heaps of fun, even when it was obvious that voices were breaking and the girls did not know whether to laugh or empathise.

A Concert was organised and Sean and I were chosen to do an item together.  One day, he came to rehearsal humming a tune

“What’s that lovely tune called?” I asked

The music teacher butted in:

“That’s Ae Fond Kiss.” said Mr Maxwell “one of my wife’s favourites. Do you two want to try that? It would bring the house down, er emotionally.”

We hesitated, thinking it too ambitious. We had talked about trying the hit parade items. Somehow though we both loved The Seekers or The Carpenters hits, inside we felt we’d like to try that favourite of Mrs Maxwell’s.  By this time, Sean’s speaking voice was deeper and his singing voice was rich Together with my light soprano tone it shaped up well.

“Ae fond kiss and then we sever
Ae fareweel, alas for ever
Deep in heart-wrung tears I’ll pledge thee
Warring sighs and groans I’ll wage thee”

Robert Burns was talking about his Nancy; his whole heart went into the poem. Sean’s voice made singing sound easy, and on the night concerned he placed his arms around my waist and kissed me. I gasped with more pleasure than surprise.  School girl crush be hanged this was the real thing, as far as I was concerned.  Sean and I were the talk of the town and invited to sing elsewhere.

We both left school, he to take up an apprenticeship and I to take learn the art of the plug-and-cord switchboard. However, living so close to each other in an era where you left the family home for two basic reasons, a better job elsewhere, be that in the United Kingdom or overseas, or marriage.  It was inevitable that there would be a concert or a community do where we would meet and our relationship develop.

I met Even Steven at that time too, with his long lanky hair, in need of a wash. His was a mellifluous voice also when he wanted something; somehow the story Sean told me when we were at school stayed with me and, though I could not put my finger on the reason, I sensed ‘Even Steven’ was trouble.  I was waiting for Sean one night. as we were going out. Looking at the time I decided to stand outside. It would not darken until late, being summer I thought I’d be safe. I saw him walking down the street with a girl. They were giggling, and holding hands aware only of each other. Suddenly in full view of the world at least my world, they kissed; a long slow sensual kiss. She led him into a garden. This was my date she was taking! I followed them only to hear the sounds of intimacy and hunger

I also sensed someone was beside me; then I heard a familiar voice:

“Meg?” It was even Steven. “be careful, lass”

I’m concerned about Sean” I said lamely as I turned to look at him

“Honey, so am I.” he took a puff from his cigarette “I should not be smoking, I know, but Alice should not be taking a bloke like Sean and…” Steven took a deep breath:

“Oh hell, look” I followed his gaze
They ran out the garden onto the street

“Who is Alice” I whispered

“The not-so-innocent girl next door; my cousin, in fact.”

Our attention was taken for too long.  Alice and Sean ran onto the street intent on crossing to the other side.  Suddenly a car turned the corner as though fifteen thousand soldiers were after him, not seeing the pedestrians knocking them both down.  Steven ran to the house nearest where we were standing, asking to ring for an ambulance.

I went over cautiously to the scene of the accident.  My beautiful Sean had moments to live I knelt beside him and gently kissed his cheek. He gripped my hand then letting it go, took his final breath.

Steven lost his cousin, too but he was concerned for me

“I’m sorry Meg. Sean Wilson was one of the best mates, and he only had room for you in his heart. Alice did not win.”

None of us did” I whispered

He hugged me suddenly

“But Meg you will one day” he kissed me saw me home poured me a sherry, stayed until the tears were out, and with as little fuss as possible, left. Ann, was studying in London and read of the incident in the newspaper.  Later I heard that Even Steven went to Canada.

Thinking back, it must have been two years since Steven left Scotland. I wondered what he was doing.  Just when the reminiscence was getting a little too much, the doorbell rang. Reluctantly I raised myself from the couch, glanced at my watch and went to the front door. I spoke into the intercom catching a glimpse of the caller and took a deep breath

“Meg, it’s Steve Pickford. Is it too late to call in?”

I opened the door The long lanky hair was gone, the smile resembling a piano keyboard, was sharp but it was clear he was cold.

“Hi,” I said, “come in.”

I could not believe in the change; he looked different somehow, as though he had matured in a hurry.

“How was Canada?” My what a dumb question

“Mighty cold” he laughed

“I thought we wouldn’t see you again.” I said, “Tea, coffee or something stronger?”

“Well.” I brought some takeaway chicken hoping you’d share it with me Oh and there are chips …” Even Steven flustered?

“Merlot?” I suggested

“Definitely.” he sat down “and what about you…do you have any plans?

“I’m not moving from Glasgow.” I stated almost defiantly, producing glasses and the wine bottle

“Me neither” Steve answered and smiled at my look “Meg let’s face it Why leave one dashed cold country to live in another … ?”

I pondered that point as I responded to his warm embrace I smiled He was right Scotland was often more than cold enough.

“Hurrah for Bonnie Scotland,” I thought “and for Even Steven!” I smiled as I foraged for plates and cutlery.

CLAIRE TENNANT                                                   24 February 2022

2667 words