| Humor Fiction posted June 9, 2023 |
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Share Your Story contest entry
Sharing My Story
by DragonSkulls
I remember it like it was just yesterday, a dream I had spent chasing for more years than I can even count. It actually wasn't though, it was really closer to about forty-five seconds ago. I thought to myself, "This could be the event of a lifetime, what I've been waiting for my whole existence, what my entire life has been leading to...to enter this contest and win a hundred dollars."
I knew some, no scratch that, many would ridicule my decision for what I would dare label as an event. To them, a site sponsored contest, I joined in hopes of a glorious one hundred dollar outcome, wouldn't even be considered as an 'event,' but to me it meant everything.
Numerous nights I'd simply lie awake in my bed, unable to sleep, dreaming of how that one hundred dollars could so immensely change my life for the better. I'd imagine how my wife would jump so high, arms stretched upward, singing praises to the heavens, covering me with kisses after kisses for such an accomplishment. What Dollar Store gifts I could buy her for our twentieth anniversary and her upcoming birthday. Perhaps I could take her to a movie and buy popcorn and drinks. Maybe I could buy her some new rechargeable batteries for the smoke alarm so she doesn't burn the house down when she falls asleep watching bamboo hut making women on YouTube while cooking macaroni and cheese. I could possibly splurge and buy her a few bags of cow poop manure from Home Depot so her garden might grow better, even though the grasshoppers, insects and larva laying moths are killing all our veggies anyhow.
Then I gave thought to something for myself. What if, and that's a big if, I didn't tell her I had won the magnificent one hundred dollars at all. I could listen for the mailman's truck every single day and keenly tell her I'd go grab the mail to save her the trip, being the kind husband I am and all. I don't know though, could I actually hide my excitement the day it arrived? I'd be ecstatic. Just from opening the envelope and seeing the gift card, there's a good chance I'd faint and pass out right there on the hot sidewalk. Maybe one of my neighbors would find me there, yelling for my wife as they ran to my aid, and then I'd be caught red handed, with the card still tightly gripped between my fingers. What then? At that moment, I still hadn't made it to the garbage can to hide the incriminating evidence of the envelope deep beneath layers of trash where she'd never even think to look.
Something as horrendous as keeping the miraculous one hundred dollar gift card from her would clearly flush our twenty year marriage down the toilet. I can hear it now. "Have fun spending that hundred dollars, you bastard!" as I watch her drive off with her sister and belongings in a tattered U-haul rental.
I'd have to use that hundred dollars to pay for an ad in the paper, to find someone who wanted to rent the spare room I recently acquired. I would hope they weren't a slob or a right wing, terrorist, supremacist I keep hearing so much about.
I never really gave this much thought either...until now. What if Chinese hackers hacked the site and found out my real name and saw that I had won the one hundred dollar gift card. They would most likely send a trained, martial arts assassin to torture me until I gave up its location. Then, she'd silently dispose of my headless carcass in the Hillsborough river where the gators would savagely devour my remains.
That really gives me something to think about. Hmmmmmm.
After numerous hours of debating and my wife telling me I'm stupid for even thinking about entering something this ridiculously asinine, I still long for that precious one hundred dollar, life changing, gift card...and wonder just whose butt I'd have to cram my nose up in order to win it.
Share Your Story contest entry
I remember it like it was just yesterday, a dream I had spent chasing for more years than I can even count. It actually wasn't though, it was really closer to about forty-five seconds ago. I thought to myself, "This could be the event of a lifetime, what I've been waiting for my whole existence, what my entire life has been leading to...to enter this contest and win a hundred dollars."
I knew some, no scratch that, many would ridicule my decision for what I would dare label as an event. To them, a site sponsored contest, I joined in hopes of a glorious one hundred dollar outcome, wouldn't even be considered as an 'event,' but to me it meant everything.
Numerous nights I'd simply lie awake in my bed, unable to sleep, dreaming of how that one hundred dollars could so immensely change my life for the better. I'd imagine how my wife would jump so high, arms stretched upward, singing praises to the heavens, covering me with kisses after kisses for such an accomplishment. What Dollar Store gifts I could buy her for our twentieth anniversary and her upcoming birthday. Perhaps I could take her to a movie and buy popcorn and drinks. Maybe I could buy her some new rechargeable batteries for the smoke alarm so she doesn't burn the house down when she falls asleep watching bamboo hut making women on YouTube while cooking macaroni and cheese. I could possibly splurge and buy her a few bags of cow poop manure from Home Depot so her garden might grow better, even though the grasshoppers, insects and larva laying moths are killing all our veggies anyhow.
Then I gave thought to something for myself. What if, and that's a big if, I didn't tell her I had won the magnificent one hundred dollars at all. I could listen for the mailman's truck every single day and keenly tell her I'd go grab the mail to save her the trip, being the kind husband I am and all. I don't know though, could I actually hide my excitement the day it arrived? I'd be ecstatic. Just from opening the envelope and seeing the gift card, there's a good chance I'd faint and pass out right there on the hot sidewalk. Maybe one of my neighbors would find me there, yelling for my wife as they ran to my aid, and then I'd be caught red handed, with the card still tightly gripped between my fingers. What then? At that moment, I still hadn't made it to the garbage can to hide the incriminating evidence of the envelope deep beneath layers of trash where she'd never even think to look.
Something as horrendous as keeping the miraculous one hundred dollar gift card from her would clearly flush our twenty year marriage down the toilet. I can hear it now. "Have fun spending that hundred dollars, you bastard!" as I watch her drive off with her sister and belongings in a tattered U-haul rental.
I'd have to use that hundred dollars to pay for an ad in the paper, to find someone who wanted to rent the spare room I recently acquired. I would hope they weren't a slob or a right wing, terrorist, supremacist I keep hearing so much about.
I never really gave this much thought either...until now. What if Chinese hackers hacked the site and found out my real name and saw that I had won the one hundred dollar gift card. They would most likely send a trained, martial arts assassin to torture me until I gave up its location. Then, she'd silently dispose of my headless carcass in the Hillsborough river where the gators would savagely devour my remains.
That really gives me something to think about. Hmmmmmm.
After numerous hours of debating and my wife telling me I'm stupid for even thinking about entering something this ridiculously asinine, I still long for that precious one hundred dollar, life changing, gift card...and wonder just whose butt I'd have to cram my nose up in order to win it.
 Recognized |
#27 June 2023 |
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