The Trouble With Book Titles

You see, I had this bomb idea—as the kids of a generation ago were fond of saying.

For weeks I’d been trying to come up with a fitting title for my collection of short stories I wanted to publish on Amazon. I sought out the common theme that would run like an electrical wire through each individual story—a filament that would light up the entire collection. Poe had his in his short stories. William Somerset Maugham had his. So did the sad, driven, Virginia Woolf, and one of my modern short story favorites, Alice Munro—she had that glowing common theme running through all her short story collections.

So, I scoured each of my stories searching for that kinship—thought I’d felt the shock of a live wire in one and then another. But after I finished a deep dive through all of them, I was disappointed at not discovering even the distant glimmer of a glowing commonality.

But that was okay, I rationalized. What I did discover was that each story stood up strong and fresh after a re-reading. And I’d re-read each one countless times. After all, I knew what was coming around each corner, and yet somehow I was surprised anew. Taken as a whole, I felt I was a better person, as a writer, for having gotten them out of me and onto the page. As a reader, I felt renewed with each reading. And that ain’t a bad payoff.

I suppose I should confess, at this moment … I truly believe I had been a passive medium for most of these stories … and with the word-for-word material having been poured into my mind from another dimension. I felt outright plagiaristic for taking ownership of some of the stories. After all, someone from the other side was getting quite a kick watching my ego stretch. But how else can I say it? I had been writing outside and above my abilities with every one of these books.

Anyway … getting on with the bomb idea I had. (And you kids! Don’t you know that bombs do not always serve the purpose for which they were intended? They obliterate everything nearby. The bad—but also the good.

So … the bomb idea. Okay. When was it, eleven years ago? More like thirteen. I can’t believe it was that long ago. It may sound hackneyed, but I do remember—as though it were yesterday—the writing processes for each book in that collection—as well as the title I'd chosen for the collection. Anyway, this is what happened:

Back in 1965, Hollywood delivered a blockbuster of a movie (largely forgotten today) called The Greatest Story Ever Told.  It told the story of Jesus of Nazareth, from birth to ascension, and it was the content of that movie that buffered the faith of this twenty-few year-old for the next several days, until mundane life took over. But it was a powerful movie.

As you might guess, the title stayed with me longer than the movie lasted.

I played around with that title while I ratcheted my brain to find that elusive theme that would link all the short stories together in my collection. While I can’t recall the particulars of it, I probably chastised myself more than once about being so pretentious as to put my book in the same sentence with the allusion to the Bible in The Greatest Story Ever Told.

Obviously, my self-chastisement didn’t last.

My first concession to putting my collection up alongside that lofty sentence which, again, referred to nothing less than the Bible, was to make changes in the title of the book.

The first thing I did was to insert “short” between Greatest and Story. And since it wasn’t going to be one story, but nine of them, I X’d out the Y in Story and slipped ies into brackets afterward. Then, urged on by a second onrush of chastisement, I didn’t want to imply that my stories were the greatest ever told. So, between Stories and Ever Told I inserted I have.

My personal magnum opus became: The Greatest Short Stories I Have Ever Told. Pretty slick. Though one thing remained to be done.

I thought it was complete for lo these 12 years until it dawned on me just recently that I didn’t technically tell these stories. I wrote them.

So I decided after more than a decade to spruce up the title and make that last change in it from "told" to "written". I shot a request off to Fiverr.com, and for $10 she (Les is her name) came back with the cover you see. I tipped her $5 for it.

Now, here’s the trouble with book titles, in general ... mine in particular. Despite my original guilt and angst over the fear that some reader might think I had the audacity to compare my written word to the Bible’s, what I didn’t count on was that most people today wouldn’t even connect my title with the original movie's, “The Greatest Story Ever Told”—let alone with the Bible. Arguably, the book, written by Fulton Oursler, in 1949 would have quietly slipped into the mists of obscurity if it weren’t for the aforementioned blockbuster movie, made in 1965.

And yet …

Ask the typical man or woman on the street today what “The Greatest Story Ever Told” was about, and their stares would be shooting blanks back at you.

Ask them, instead, about what “The Greatest Short Stories I Have Ever Written” is about and they’ll probably say … “Haven’t read it, but it’s probably written by someone who’s being unapologetically braggadocious!”

And that, Brothers and Sisters of the best website for writers in the world, is the best reason I can give to urge you to consider all angles of your book title before publishing. As with the best advice the successful carpenter can offer: Measure twice, cut once, in a similar way, you should listen to the inner voice of the successful writer in you, and … Scrutinize twice, publish once!

Obviously, I didn’t.

And, now … here it is: here is the link for your free novelette, “The Uneven Zen of Time”: https://tinyurl.com/y2txtza7 (You may have to paste it onto your browser.) And PLEASE … PLEASE wait until a minute after midnight PDT (Los Angeles, CA Time) before getting your copy. Otherwise it will cost you $2.99—and that’s not free! Afterward, read enough of it to feel comfortable with your recommendation, and then … like Liza Minnelli's song, below, start spreading the news. Let the buzzzzz begin! Free, people! FreeEEEE!

Love you all!

And listen—Bro and Sis—if you don’t do this, I’m TELLIN’ MOM!!

Jay