| Satire Fiction posted March 5, 2023 |
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Satire for rude behavior
A Few words about D***S
by Terry Broxson
The author has placed a warning on this post for language.
Now that you have seen the posted language warning. Let me make it clear; this essay is about dicks.
I am not sure how or even why I got into this. I am retired from active writing. If I could have been Tom Brady, aka The GOAT, I could unretire. But alas, my writing career was precisely like my football career. Never made a nickel. I got beat up more times than I care to remember, but I did score a few points.
Today in the grocery store, wearing my mask as usual. A fella asked me, "Are you still afraid of getting covid?" It was a snooty tone.
"Not exactly. Given these prices, I want to keep my options open in case I need to rob the place."
As I continued to push my cart along with a $14 bag of cereal, four apples ($10), one onion ($1.79), and I am thinking, "What a dick!"
Which raises the question; exactly who and what are dicks?
My explanation, like my brain, is pretty simple. Dicks are people that annoy us with their behavior. They are rude. Sometimes it is with their words—other times, with their actions.
You know the type. They park in a handicapped place—"For just a minute." People with twenty-two items standing in the lane marked in big letters, ten or less.
Those folks who make snippy remarks about your bad hair day, or lack thereof, or maybe your choice of food, clothing, friends, dog, cat, significant other, children, your Prius, or your whatever!
As a writer, perhaps someone gave you a bad review, criticized your punctuation, tense changes, or grammar, or some reviewer says, "Just wasn't my cup of tea." To be clear, it is not the message but the condescending delivery.
Total dicks.
But how do we deal with them? We need to distinguish what separates dicks from others who might have good intentions. How do we do that?
I think the answer is to exercise our greatest power. I had never thought about my greatest power before I heard attorney John Meadors give the rebuttal for the prosecution in the Alex Murdaugh trial. He referenced a book by J. Martin Kohe, Your Greatest Power. It is the power to choose.
So, we, the people, get to decide who is a dick and who is not. There is one thing we need to agree on. Men can be dicks. But women dicks will have to be known as dickless.
He is a dick. She is a dickless. I know some of you will think this is a sexist label. Honestly, I have considered the issue for hours and don't see any way around it.
In fairness, if a fellow is labeled a dick. We need to allow him to have some say in the matter. I think he should be able to select his personal amount of dicklyness (rudeness).
Let's look to Amazon for some guidance on this. A box drops down.
Size:
XSmall
Small
Medium
Large
XLarge
XXLarge
Two things we know about dicks: there are different sizes, and size matters.
Now, I feel better.
Write A Rant contest entry
Now that you have seen the posted language warning. Let me make it clear; this essay is about dicks.
I am not sure how or even why I got into this. I am retired from active writing. If I could have been Tom Brady, aka The GOAT, I could unretire. But alas, my writing career was precisely like my football career. Never made a nickel. I got beat up more times than I care to remember, but I did score a few points.
Today in the grocery store, wearing my mask as usual. A fella asked me, "Are you still afraid of getting covid?" It was a snooty tone.
"Not exactly. Given these prices, I want to keep my options open in case I need to rob the place."
As I continued to push my cart along with a $14 bag of cereal, four apples ($10), one onion ($1.79), and I am thinking, "What a dick!"
Which raises the question; exactly who and what are dicks?
My explanation, like my brain, is pretty simple. Dicks are people that annoy us with their behavior. They are rude. Sometimes it is with their words—other times, with their actions.
You know the type. They park in a handicapped place—"For just a minute." People with twenty-two items standing in the lane marked in big letters, ten or less.
Those folks who make snippy remarks about your bad hair day, or lack thereof, or maybe your choice of food, clothing, friends, dog, cat, significant other, children, your Prius, or your whatever!
As a writer, perhaps someone gave you a bad review, criticized your punctuation, tense changes, or grammar, or some reviewer says, "Just wasn't my cup of tea." To be clear, it is not the message but the condescending delivery.
Total dicks.
But how do we deal with them? We need to distinguish what separates dicks from others who might have good intentions. How do we do that?
I think the answer is to exercise our greatest power. I had never thought about my greatest power before I heard attorney John Meadors give the rebuttal for the prosecution in the Alex Murdaugh trial. He referenced a book by J. Martin Kohe, Your Greatest Power. It is the power to choose.
So, we, the people, get to decide who is a dick and who is not. There is one thing we need to agree on. Men can be dicks. But women dicks will have to be known as dickless.
He is a dick. She is a dickless. I know some of you will think this is a sexist label. Honestly, I have considered the issue for hours and don't see any way around it.
In fairness, if a fellow is labeled a dick. We need to allow him to have some say in the matter. I think he should be able to select his personal amount of dicklyness (rudeness).
Let's look to Amazon for some guidance on this. A box drops down.
Size:
XSmall
Small
Medium
Large
XLarge
XXLarge
Two things we know about dicks: there are different sizes, and size matters.
Now, I feel better.
 Recognized |
|
For our international members or others who may not follow sports or news:
Tom Brady, 45, is now a retired American football player who is considered the Greatest Of All Time (GOAT) quarterback. Last year he retired and then unretired.
Alex Maurdaugh is formerly a prominent South Carolina lawyer convicted for killing his wife and 22-year-old son.
Pays
one point
and 2 member cents. Tom Brady, 45, is now a retired American football player who is considered the Greatest Of All Time (GOAT) quarterback. Last year he retired and then unretired.
Alex Maurdaugh is formerly a prominent South Carolina lawyer convicted for killing his wife and 22-year-old son.
Artwork by supergold at FanArtReview.com
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