Ok, you guys, so some of you probably read my last post... my heart just keeps breaking even more, despite not knowing how that's possible.

 

... Not only did mom give Noah's mother HALF of his things back, including some of mine (i.e. the collar and leash we picked out together at Adam and Eve: you're welcome for that visual), but ALL of his weapons except for his gunpowder. The depression in his voice and eyes when we talked on video last night... it was horrible. I'm desperately hoping he doesn't think I'm giving up on him or that there's no chance of him coming home. I want him home, with ME, more than anything. And that's the other thing.

 

... Leslie's pregnant. She's about 10 weeks in, but they've only been boinking each other for a month! And she's telling him it's his kid! Like... nooooo. This BITCH is manipulating him in every conceivable way. No pun intended. She's encouraging him to work things out with me, telling him she still loves him and wants a family with him, telling him that, even though she doesn't want to share him, she wants him to be happy (I'm sadly in the same damn boat on basically all counts). It's like... I feel like my life is being propelled forward by other people! And no matter what I do to get things back on track, things seem to keep getting worse and I feel almost powerless to stop it. I'm seriously ready to turn this into magical warfare. I am a Norse Pagan and an eclectic Wiccan, on top of being a VERY powerful witch. We are real, and we are still here .

 

I just want my baby back in OUR bed, his lips pressed against mine, his warm embrace that feels like it'll never end... that's what love feels like. But I'm learning that love also hurts. It's just not supposed to hurt this much. Hannah, Tim's fiance (Noah's brother), just won't talk to me basically. Her best friend/ex Nikki just slit her own throat, I haven't had sex in weeks, and I think I'm losing my mind. The kitty is angry. Hehehehe. Everything just feels SO fucked up and I feel like my entire world is being ripped away from me.

 

I know he's made mistakes, big ones, huge. But I still want him and love him more than anything. I'll update in a few days probably. Please send me positive energy, guys. I'm going through a REALLY rough time right now. I know Noah can change and prove himself to mom. Please? Put energy into that too.