I sat on my deck staring out at the lake

drinking Jack Daniel’s whiskey with my Salisbury steak

hamburger hiding in gravy does not a steak make

the Tennessee fire water so easy to take

it didn’t take long before my mind started to bake

one more swig of my drink that bit with a bite

building my courage to dial up a lady of the night

high-heel stilettos and fish net nylons such a delightful sight

one aromatic whiff of my scent and she fled with a fright

tempted to give chase but not wanting a fight

a sniff of my pits revealed that I was skunky

it certainly didn’t help that I am quite chunky

regrettably and unavoidably my job as a grease monkey

had made me smell quite ripe and a little bit funky

she must have thought that I was a skanky rank junkie

more shots of that fiery whiskey and my anger began to bubble

taking off my clothes I revealed more than just my chin stubble

revealing the flabbiness of my arms, belly and booty pubble

I poured the Salisbury gravy over my body and sucked down a double

it was time for a little midnight prime slime time trouble

I ran down the street screaming bigfoot lives in my loudest hail

the brown gravy covering my body all the way down to my tail

my booze clouded mind making my feet sail

once the police arrived I found myself in need of bail

happy grinning neighbors clapping as I was hauled off to jail