Hey, you guys.

I know I've been quiet on here lately, but I'm breaking the silence.

A few nights ago, my gorgeous fiance popped off and got into a HUGE argument with Angie, who just left with Darell and the dogs this morning. He did threaten something REALLY bad, but she also said something unthinkable. It was all I could do to console him and prevent him from packing that night.

The following day, he told me he hadn't gotten much sleep and so me, mom, Darell, and Angie (I wasn't happy about it) drove up to the mountains and picked out a Yule/Christmas tree. Noah, my fiance, got mad. HE wanted to be the one to go with me and mom to pick out the tree, same as I wanted. On the way back, we stopped at a Subway for the second time that day, and I sent a flirty little picture to him in the bathroom, only to have my stomach fall out of me and get launched into a panic attack when I got back outside. It was then that mom and Angie informed me that, whether I liked it or not, Noah would have to leave for a few days. Just until Wednesday, they said. I protested, threw up, protested some more, and I couldn't stop shaking. Everything had been fine. I was so confused. Mom confiscated my phone and wouldn't let me talk to him the entire way home.

She said she was gonna call Noah's mother to come and get him and not to say anything to him about the situation until then. As soon as we got home, the first thing I did was kiss him. Well, it was moreso a mini makeout sesh. The warmth and softness of his lips almost made me cry, because I knew what was about to happen. I think the bullshit of the situation, as well as several other things, is that... HE WAS CALM!! He had been calm and rational and loving ever since he cooled off the night before. The look on his face when I kissed him though... pure bliss.

He took me into our bedroom with him to cuddle before he took a nap. Gods, I wish I could lay on his chest again, especially right now. I'm crying almost hysterically again even writing this. He asked me what was said in the car and I told him some of it, but I couldn't bring myself to say what was about to happen. I thought I could still prevent it, talk mom out of it.

I kissed him two more times and then dipped out into the garage, pouring a glass of wine and opening another bottle. I hurried outside when I saw no one was in the garage, and to my shock and horror, found that I was too late. Mom had already called his mom. Angie got in my face screaming at me to stop being so selfish and to think about somebody else for once. She told me to get in the car while Darell went in the garage and for the next hour or so, Angie proceeded to show mom screenshots and videos of something Noah had done with Michelle and apparently Leslie, who he's currently staying with, which is breaking my heart even more. Leslie is his ex-fiancee.

When his mom and grandmother got here, his grandmother was PISSED, asking to see the videos. Mom went inside, woke Noah up from his nap, and the shit hit the fan. The next thing I know, everyone's coming out of the garage screaming, especially at Angie. His grandmother called her a 2-bit tramp even and Angie proceeded to tell his mother to swing on her, after she told Ange to get out of the car, where I was being held hostage basically. She kept locking the doors so I couldn't get out. The whole time, Noah was telling her "Let me talk to my wife."

Before he got in his mother's car, he told me through the cracked window "Baby girl, I love you more than everything. I always will, but I've served my time here," and apparently told Angie that he'd have his time with her, too. Seeing as how he'd still be home with me right now if she hadn't showed mom the videos and said he needed to leave, I can see why he's pissed off at her.

After about the 15th time of me pleading for her to let me out, she screamed at me "GET OUT OF THE CAR, THEN!!!" and I literally ran after habib's mom's car as she and my other half drove away. It looked like a scene from a movie.

He called Darell afterwards and told him that there was Scotch in the pantry and a TCH vape pen beside our bed if I needed to calm down. I used up more tissues that night than a 12-year-old boy and I pretty much have been doing the same ever since. It's been especially hard with mom and Angie having severely restricted my access to my laptop and phone, but I finally have them back. Mom wants me to move on, but I just can't.

With Noah's mother supposedly coming to pick up some of his stuff today, I literally can't even. My heart isn't broken. It's SHATTERED. I can't stop crying at random, I keep having squeezing/pulling chest pains, I'm having fever dreams, and all I want to do basically is write and sleep, so I can kiss him and be held by him in astral. This is so fucking hard on me. The only thing I actually have to be grateful for right now is the fact that he's still calling me "baby girl" and telling me he's not going anywhere. I keep having panic attacks. Nothing is making me happy except talking to him. Even the wine has no taste, and it's doing very little to ease the pain. Can everyone reading this PLEASE put energy into him straightening up and proving himself (and how much he loves me) to mom, so she'll let him move back in with us? Please? I know love is blind, and quite possibly stupid, but we're still soul mates. I still believe in us. Please?

I'll update in a few days probably. Keep a lookout.

Also, this all started on the night of the 18th and by 10:45PM on the 19th, I had to endure the pain of seeing my other half carted away in a white Toyota. It hasn't even been 6 full days without him and I already can't function. THIS is what Hell feels like.