Stella

Estelle Adelaide Thomas was sad. Not because her husband had been killed, driving under the influence, leaving her with four children and no insurance. No, she had mourned him and cursed him and finally put that whole sad saga to rest.

It was her grown children, her girls, who had slowly absented themselves from her. She hadn't heard from any of them in months, not even on her birthday, and that hurt. Hell, if she ever forgot one of theirs, they'd claim child abuse. She often muttered to herself, "I could be lying dead in a ditch and they wouldn't know it."

She knew it was pointless to feel sorry for herself, not that it wasn't warranted, but she didn't think she deserved such treatment. She'd been a good mother; working two jobs to ensure that they had the things they needed. It had been hard being a single parent. Now, that they were adults, she'd hoped they could do an occasional something together, at least visit by phone, but they were "just too busy." Righteous indignation kept creeping into her emotions, but mainly it was sadness. They were still her kids and she loved them, but if this was the way it was going to be, then...


Ru

Eva Marie Antonia Soledad Ruiz, had been dubbed "Ru" by her first grade friends and it followed her into adulthood, to her mother's disgust. She, of course, called her Eva Marie. "Imagine calling someone who has such a beautiful name, something that sounds like half a rooster," Mama said, "or worse, a French sauce, never mind the spelling!"

But that was long ago. Today, Ru is frustrated to the point of screaming. She bangs her head on the kitchen door frame. "Ow! Damn, that hurt!" Then, she yells, "You, you Billy goat! You, too, chicas!" She yells at her ex-husband and her daughter and granddaughter. "What are you doing?! Breaking up this family? You are killing me!" They do not answer, as they are not there. But they hear her. Oh, you bet, they hear her.

Ru's family, if you can call it that, can't seem to get along no matter how she tried to keep them together, and she's given up. Her ex-husband, Rico, wiped out their entire savings betting on everything from football to horses, even golf tournaments. What did the man know about golf? Thus, their divorce.

Most Hispanic couples loved each other and their children. There was respect or else. But not Ru's. Her divorced daughter and teen granddaughter had been fighting for years. When things still didn't get better, she'd said, "If a happy family is not something you can be a part of, then I'm leaving. I mean it." She'd threatened a lot, but never got around to leaving. But that was then. Now was ... different.
~ ~ ~

"I've been thinking; this business about... you know, it is a sin, and..."

"Ru, I know it's a sin, but so is living a lie. Or it oughta be. We have given our all. There's nothing left. I thought you were as sad and fed up as I am."

"I know; and I am, but we're still their parents and... adults and it's kind of... "

"What? Kind of what?"

Ru sighed. "Wimpy! It's the easy way out. It's... kind of chicken."

"Chicken! Wimpy! Are you crazy? It takes guts. It takes courage! Do you want to spend the rest of your life being ignored, with your girls constantly at each other's throats? And treating you as if you don't exist?"

An uneasy quiet settled between them until they reached the restaurant.

Seated on the patio, each with shrimp salads, Stella, was enjoying every bite. She looked over at Ru who wasn't eating. "Ummm, this is good. Why aren't you...?"

Ru shook her head.

"Oh, Ru, let's enjoy lunch. Okay?"

Silence.

"We decided, Ru. What's wrong, now?"

"Well, you've been laughing and ... enjoying stuff like the shrimp salad, like you
always do, which doesn't sound like you're so sure. You backing out?"

"NO! Are you?"

I...just...well, you know...it's just so... final."

"Yeah, but we've talked about it 'til we're blue in the face. We said, no turning back."

"I know. It's just..."

"What am I saying! Of course, there's turning back. You don't have to do this. I don't
need company!"

"Oh, Stella, you do and you know it. I told you I'm just as fed up and sad as you are, and
we'll do it together."

"Well, I don't remember your saying that...which is one reason I'm ready. I'm not remembering things like I used to. Somebody will say something to me and as soon as it's out of their mouth, it's gone from my memory.

"That's because either you're not interested, or you're thinking of something else. You're
not that old to be forgetting. Anyway, it's not true. You sure as hell remembered that I snitched your red sweater."

Stella, threw back her head and guffawed. "I thought you'd forgotten about that. He he he."

Ru put her fork down. "See? You're all perky, laughing and...you're not ready, I can
tell."

"Dammit, Rue. I can't be sad and mopey all the time, but that doesn't mean I've changed my mind. Tell you what. Now's as good a time as any to check out whose garage is the most leak proof. Finish up and let's go."

Ru flopped her napkin on the table. "Might as well. I'm not hungry anyway." She flagged their waitress.

Walking to the car, Stella broke the silence. "Tell you what. Let's check my garage first,
then when I take you home, we'll check yours."

Ru sighed. "Yeah. I guess. Sure. Mine's so full of stuff, though, I don't know how we're
going to check it. A bunch of Rico's stuff, and the kids."

"Nothing of yours, of course," Stella said, grinning.

Ru grinned, too. "Course not."

~ ~ ~

Stella pushed the remote on her car's visor and the garage door slowly rose, revealing a lifetime of things she didn't know what else to do with. "I don't think there's a chance in hell of air getting in or out of here, there's so much stuff."

Ru peered around. "Yeah, but there's no telling what's behind it. Could be a hole or a vent, for all we know."

Stella thought a minute. "If there's a vent, we can see it from the outside." They walked back out and around the side and sure enough, there was the vent, down low in the brick wall. "We can stuff a rag in there. No problem."

Back in the garage, they checked the door on the back wall and the pull-down attic steps; both shut tight. Stella looked at Ru. "You want to check yours out, that way we have a choice?"

"I don't know. Mine's messier than yours..."

Stella laughed. "Don't see how."

"There you go again, laughing."

"You want me to cry?"

"No. Let's go."

Ru and Stella stood, transfixed by Ru's garage. It was a mess, all right. Piles on top of piles. Boxes of sports equipment, boxes of seasonal wreaths for the front door, boxes of books to be donated to the library, boxes of boxes, all sizes. When anyone commented on the number of empty boxes, Ru's standard reply was, "I always need boxes. To mail things in. Why should I buy them when I have them?"

"Hey, look at this!" Stella said, a keyboard! What's it doing out here? It'll get ruined. Surely there's room for it somewhere in your house. You know," she said, looking around at an old sofa and chair, comforting, homey things, "I like this. I think this is where I'd like to spend my final minutes. It's cozy."

Ru laughed in spite of herself. She shook her head. "Stell, you take the cake. Cozy. I guess cozy is as good a reason as any. And if we need help getting in the mood, you can play some sad songs on the keyboard."

"The only thing I can play is chop sticks," Stella said.

"Well, maybe if you play it slow and haunting..."

"Haunting. Right. Just the ticket. No, I want beautiful music, peaceful and ...transferable."

"Trans ...you mean ... from this world to...?"

"Yep. Something beautiful and we'll just fade into the .... Blue."

"Well, you better program your cell phone, and don't forget your charger."

"I'm going home and write a good-bye letter to my girls," Stella said. "Might as well get that over with...don't look so panicked. I'm not going to mail it yet."

Stella sat at her desk, wondering how things had gotten to this point. Finally ...
Girls,
This may be a cliche, but never the less, when you get this, I will be gone.
I have been extremely sad for a good while. I have tried to get in touch with you all but you don't answer your phones, and if you read my texts, you haven't bothered to answer.

It's been months and it's not only hurtful, but very rude. I know you're busy, but I have definitely been left out of your lives. Why is that? When I turned 55, and nobody remembered my birthday, I finally realized I'd been discarded like an old rag.

I have only one request. After I'm gone, please DO NOT SAY the word, "passed" when referring to me. I did not pass. I died. Passed sounds like someone either passed by or passed gas. And it's politically correct, which drives me crazy. Besides, what's wrong with "died?" Does it sound too final? Well, it is, but it's not cruel, or harsh. "Passed" sounds like a person's too skittish to say, "died." Well don't be. Say it. Thank you.

I love you, and wish you much happiness Take care of each other.
Mom

~ ~ ~

"I know what let's do," Stella said, to get Ru out of her funk. Let's get our hair and nails done and go look for our funeral outfits. We want to look our best, you know."

Ru sighed. "For one thing, we're not having a funeral, so I guess they're our dying outfits. For another, if I do this, I don't think I'll give a fig what I look like. Two middle-aged asphyxiated women aren't going to look so hot no matter what we have on."

"Oh, come on, Ru, let's at least have one last fun fling. We'll get all prettied up, go out to dinner, enjoy ourselves before...."

"Enjoy ourselves?

"Why not?"

At the beauty parlor ~

As they were getting their nails done, Stella said, "You know, we shoulda looked for our outfits first. I wasn't thinkin.' Then we could've done our nails to go with them. Now, we gotta find outfits to go with our nails."

Ru chuckled. "Stell, you beat all. We can always paint another color over these, if we need to, or take it off and start over."

"Right. Good thinkin'. Your hair looks great, by the way, AND, you laughed."

"Barely. Yours does, too, and I'm ready to get our outfits so we can go eat. I'm hungry."

~ ~ ~

"Ooo, look at this dress. Isn't it terrific?" Ru said.

Stella looked at it and said, "You know, that's really more my color than yours ... don't you think?"

"No, I do not. Now don't you start that, Estelle Adelaide. I saw it first and I'm gonna go try it on."

"Well, it's not your color. It'll make your skin look sallow."

"You're not going to ruin it for me, Stell. Go find yourself, something."

Stella found something in a rich coral that went with her hair (and nails) so she was happy.

Later, after a rather unsatisfying dinner, they went to Stella's and sat out on her patio. Watching the sunset, which was a beautiful reddish orange, "Stella said, "Look at that. It goes with my dress." She laughed, holding up her nails against the sunset, "and my nails!"

Ru sighed. "Stell, I'm tired of putting this thing off. If we're going to do it, let's just do it. Let's get your cooler and put some wine in it, get our music."

"Right. I'll get the cooler. You get the wine and then get in the car and start it. The hose is in the tail pipe and I'll put the other end's in the ..."

"Don't tell me where the other end is! Just get in, and we'll have a good heart to heart and tell our secrets and ..."

Stella gets in and closes her door. "Secrets? Let's just talk about whatever we want."

"Oh, all right. Put on your music and I'll pour the wine."

The music has a Latin beat. As Ru pours Stella's glass, she sways to the music, briefly closing her eyes; the bottle tilts, and red wine splashes out of the glass, all over Stella's dress.

"My dying dress!" Stella yelps. "Ruined! When they find me, they'll think I was a sloppy drunk." She bursts into tears.

Ru tries to apologize, but Stella just howls louder. Ru suddenly opens the door, gets out, and goes back in the house. Shaking with indignation, and fear at what they were trying to do, she has a meltdown, screaming, loud and long.

Stella sits there, wondering if she should go on and finish the job. Finally, deciding against it, she turns the motor off. Drinking the little bit of wine that had miraculously made it into her glass, she listens to the scream and says, "She should've done that a long time ago," and gets out of the car.

Ru was perched, unsteadily, on the kitchen stool, with the empty bottle dangling from her hand, and a grin on her face. "Guess what? I juss had a great idea!"

Stella's feelings of sadness and futility, changed, looking at Ru, and her ridiculous grin. Suddenly she gave her friend a big bear hug, almost toppling her from her perch.

"Wanta hear it?" Ru said. "Gonna tell you anyway. How 'bout instead of doin' ourshelves in, because to tell you the truth I'm not...not .. ready," Ru made a face, "we take a vacation! Raid our savings and go somewhere. Acapulco? Hawaii? The Bahamas?"

Stella felt a huge weight lift off her shoulders. "Brilliant!" she said, suddenly excited. "You decide. Oooohhh, I can hardly wait."

Both gals opened the letters they'd written to their kids, scratched out the dying part, saying instead, they'd decided to travel. Adios, chicas, love, Mom

~ ~ ~

Stretched out in beach chairs, the gals were looking at flyers. "Swim with the Manta Rays," Stella read. "Wow! Look at that!" She showed Ru. "Let's try it."

Ru looked like she been asked to play with killer bees. "You're crazy! I didn't come here to be scared. I came here to soak up the sun and relax...maybe go dancin' if we can find some cute guys to dance with."

"Well, you find us some dance partners and I'm going to swim with the rays. See you later, gator."

"Oh, for heaven's sake, wait a minute. Aren't they, I mean, couldn't they be dangerous?"

"Nope. People swim with them all the time. They're used to people."

"Okay, but I want somebody to take a picture of me swimming with the creature so I can send it to the girls. Maybe they'll be impressed."

"Great idea! I'm sure our guide will do it. Let's go sign up."

~ ~ ~

Back in the USA, the daughters received videos from their mothers and were astounded that they would do such a brave and scary thing, especially at their ages! They texted them and said they thought it was super cool, and they couldn't wait to hear all about it. They apologized, profusely, for their non-communication and said they'd have a "mom celebration" when they got back.

Stella and Ru felt pretty proud of themselves. That experience had definitely given them a new lease on life! They decided they would start saving their money for another trip next year, just the two of them, and do something else daring.

Yessir! They were going to live! And enjoy every minute of it!