| Self Improvement Non-Fiction posted November 11, 2022 | Chapters: |
...24 25 -26- 27... 
|
  |
A Re-Write.
A chapter in the book A Fathers Grieving Heartache.
Re-Slipping On My Heartstrings
by Ricky1024
| Background Follows with Another Amazing and Incredible Journey Entitled, "Happy Father's Day to Me" |
"Re-Slipping On My Heartstrings"
(For Jay Squires)
Written on November 13th, 2022
By Doctor Ricky1024
Copyright © Fanstory
'All Rights Reserved'
God I seem to.
To Be or Not to Be?
Again just always.
Always and Forever.
Yes, slipping!
And God, it's simple?
And, God it's quite plain!
Quite plain but Insane!
Slipping on My Heartstrings again!
...
Yes, again and again!
For Eye so lost my...
"Buddy Friend."
And God, do as I may?
Yes, and do as I must?
Where went out Trust?
...
Ashes to Ashes...
Dust to Dust?
Do as I can God.
Then why My God?
Tis this now my only job?
To moan Endlessly?
Then tis this why?
Tears always in my Eyes?
Why does it keeps happening?
Continuously to me?
God, can't You too not See?
Together Blind as we can Be?
Its Over and Over again for me!
...
God, You know I lost my Only Son.
My Only Jay on that Sad, Bad, of Day!
That's why this is so hard!
Hard again for me to Pray!
I cursed Your Son Endlessly
Endlessly but not because of Jay!
Because each and every day I Awake?
Each mourning that I still breathe?
That damned mourning?
Each morning won't leave me!
Alone to die in my Misery!!
...
So, and Yes.
I so lost my only friend.
And God?
God there can't be an End?
End of Me?
And there is no use complaining.
And, I know in this Broken Heart.
That it will Never End.
...
Yes!
How I am just Slipping!
Yes!
Always ever Slipping!
On My Heartstrings Again.
And God, as I keep on Slipping?
And God, as I keep on Tripping?
Slipping and Tripping Again and Again!
Tis this now my End?
No more time?
To make Amends?
...
And, I'm not kidding!
Should I say another series?
Series of Prayers?
Prayers of Amens?
Again?
...
Yes but now what's the Use?
There can't be no Excuse?
This is just constant and Horrifying Abuse!
Yes, It's just Depression!
All Regressing!
Constant Misery!
Haunting Ecstasy!
And Never Ending Pains!
Running constantly down!
My cheeks from the eyes.
Shot directly!
A Barrage of Satanic Heroin!
Heroin into my veins!
Addiction remains!
"Eyes of My Window Pains!"
Pangs and Panes clearly!
Ever near me!
Just washing over me!
Tidal Wave!
Please turn the Page?
Stop this Rage?
God, is this the way it's supposed to always be?
...
Maybe if on this Horrid of my Quest?
Perhaps as I suffer You'll Buffer?
And, end this Endless Quest?
I do now promise to do my very, very, Best?
No longer Naughty but Nice?
Can You please?
Break this Tomb of Ice?
...
And, when or if I awaken again?
I'll finally be welcome?
Yes, to that Special place?
If I may insist?
*Special Place of Bliss?"
With my **Buddy Friend?
(For Jay Squires)
Written on November 13th, 2022
By Doctor Ricky1024
Copyright © Fanstory
'All Rights Reserved'
God I seem to.
To Be or Not to Be?
Again just always.
Always and Forever.
Yes, slipping!
And God, it's simple?
And, God it's quite plain!
Quite plain but Insane!
Slipping on My Heartstrings again!
...
Yes, again and again!
For Eye so lost my...
"Buddy Friend."
And God, do as I may?
Yes, and do as I must?
Where went out Trust?
...
Ashes to Ashes...
Dust to Dust?
Do as I can God.
Then why My God?
Tis this now my only job?
To moan Endlessly?
Then tis this why?
Tears always in my Eyes?
Why does it keeps happening?
Continuously to me?
God, can't You too not See?
Together Blind as we can Be?
Its Over and Over again for me!
...
God, You know I lost my Only Son.
My Only Jay on that Sad, Bad, of Day!
That's why this is so hard!
Hard again for me to Pray!
I cursed Your Son Endlessly
Endlessly but not because of Jay!
Because each and every day I Awake?
Each mourning that I still breathe?
That damned mourning?
Each morning won't leave me!
Alone to die in my Misery!!
...
So, and Yes.
I so lost my only friend.
And God?
God there can't be an End?
End of Me?
And there is no use complaining.
And, I know in this Broken Heart.
That it will Never End.
...
Yes!
How I am just Slipping!
Yes!
Always ever Slipping!
On My Heartstrings Again.
And God, as I keep on Slipping?
And God, as I keep on Tripping?
Slipping and Tripping Again and Again!
Tis this now my End?
No more time?
To make Amends?
...
And, I'm not kidding!
Should I say another series?
Series of Prayers?
Prayers of Amens?
Again?
...
Yes but now what's the Use?
There can't be no Excuse?
This is just constant and Horrifying Abuse!
Yes, It's just Depression!
All Regressing!
Constant Misery!
Haunting Ecstasy!
And Never Ending Pains!
Running constantly down!
My cheeks from the eyes.
Shot directly!
A Barrage of Satanic Heroin!
Heroin into my veins!
Addiction remains!
"Eyes of My Window Pains!"
Pangs and Panes clearly!
Ever near me!
Just washing over me!
Tidal Wave!
Please turn the Page?
Stop this Rage?
God, is this the way it's supposed to always be?
...
Maybe if on this Horrid of my Quest?
Perhaps as I suffer You'll Buffer?
And, end this Endless Quest?
I do now promise to do my very, very, Best?
No longer Naughty but Nice?
Can You please?
Break this Tomb of Ice?
...
And, when or if I awaken again?
I'll finally be welcome?
Yes, to that Special place?
If I may insist?
*Special Place of Bliss?"
With my **Buddy Friend?
*Special Place of Bliss:
1. HEAVEN
2. VALHALLA
3. CELESTIAL KINGDOM
...
Note: In order to achieve his entrance.
We must first follow.
And, live By God's Word.
Not just each and every Sabbath Sunday.
But each and every day.
...
**Buddy Friend"
(A Message from my Son Jason)
Written on April 14th, 2003
By Richard Edward Smrkovsky
and Jason Richard Smrkovsky
...
I'm not here right now...
Yes, but I'm not far?
I'm in a place....
A Special place.
Not far as a Star?
...
Now you'll feel this place.
Just take but a moment...
Yes, you'll see!
And then and only then...
You will now know.
Just
Where
I'll
Be?
...
Note: One week later.
I would receive a letter in the mail.
(the first of six letters to come) Yes, from two men who received my son Jason's organ's.
...
Chaz from Philadelphia Pennsylvania.
Yes, wrote first but not of his pain but mine.
Losing my Eighteen Year old son.
Note: as of April 1st 2022.
19 years now.
Three out of four human beings.
(including one young woman)
Yes, now in her early twenties.
Are still alive!
And off of all Anti-rejection medication.
And, as my Only Son's Heart, along with my Only Son's lungs.
Yes, are still doing their job!
Because of God!
And, within that man chest.
That Unselfish and Incredible man!
Simply named Chaz from Philadelphia.
..
Note: In all the Heart Poetry that I've now written in my four books.
here at Fanstory.
I've learned that the Human Heart is not just a simple pump.
Yes, that circulates millions of gallons of blood through-out our system in a Lifetime.
It's also the core of our Emotions! The Center of US all!
And, we must never forget those whom have given!
Yes, given such a Rare and Beautiful Opportunity of Life!
...
Yes, and to learn more?
About this Amazing process of 'Organ-Tissue Donations?
Simply contact my dearest friend.
Lara S. Moretti the L.S.W. with
"The Gift of Life!"
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania at
1-800-DONORS-1.
"And, the Beat Goes On!"
Special thanks goes out first, as always, to Heavenly Father and His Son Jesus.
Fanstory and Tom the Administrator.
Fan Art Review, this talented Artist, 'pfemd '
And, their Incredible and Amazing Picture Entitled,
"Layers of the Heart"
Pays
one point
and 2 member cents. 1. HEAVEN
2. VALHALLA
3. CELESTIAL KINGDOM
...
Note: In order to achieve his entrance.
We must first follow.
And, live By God's Word.
Not just each and every Sabbath Sunday.
But each and every day.
...
**Buddy Friend"
(A Message from my Son Jason)
Written on April 14th, 2003
By Richard Edward Smrkovsky
and Jason Richard Smrkovsky
...
I'm not here right now...
Yes, but I'm not far?
I'm in a place....
A Special place.
Not far as a Star?
...
Now you'll feel this place.
Just take but a moment...
Yes, you'll see!
And then and only then...
You will now know.
Just
Where
I'll
Be?
...
Note: One week later.
I would receive a letter in the mail.
(the first of six letters to come) Yes, from two men who received my son Jason's organ's.
...
Chaz from Philadelphia Pennsylvania.
Yes, wrote first but not of his pain but mine.
Losing my Eighteen Year old son.
Note: as of April 1st 2022.
19 years now.
Three out of four human beings.
(including one young woman)
Yes, now in her early twenties.
Are still alive!
And off of all Anti-rejection medication.
And, as my Only Son's Heart, along with my Only Son's lungs.
Yes, are still doing their job!
Because of God!
And, within that man chest.
That Unselfish and Incredible man!
Simply named Chaz from Philadelphia.
..
Note: In all the Heart Poetry that I've now written in my four books.
here at Fanstory.
I've learned that the Human Heart is not just a simple pump.
Yes, that circulates millions of gallons of blood through-out our system in a Lifetime.
It's also the core of our Emotions! The Center of US all!
And, we must never forget those whom have given!
Yes, given such a Rare and Beautiful Opportunity of Life!
...
Yes, and to learn more?
About this Amazing process of 'Organ-Tissue Donations?
Simply contact my dearest friend.
Lara S. Moretti the L.S.W. with
"The Gift of Life!"
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania at
1-800-DONORS-1.
"And, the Beat Goes On!"
Special thanks goes out first, as always, to Heavenly Father and His Son Jesus.
Fanstory and Tom the Administrator.
Fan Art Review, this talented Artist, 'pfemd '
And, their Incredible and Amazing Picture Entitled,
"Layers of the Heart"
Artwork by pfemd at FanArtReview.com
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