"Medicine for My Soul" (A)
Written on October 14th, 2022
By Doctor Ricky 1024
Copyright © Fanstory
'All Rights Reserved'

171,263 hours and 30 minutes hath now come to pass.
And, it still feels like yesterday!
Now how long God?
Does this have to last?
I can still see his smile among the long ago.
And, I can still hear his beautiful music as it flows.
(Don't you know?)
...
171,263 hours and 30 minutes hath now come to pass.
Yes, and the tears?
Tears of wetness coats my pillow case.
Yes, shall always and continuously last.
And, that's quite okay with me.
Yes, for I can still feel it inside.
Yes, and it's a driving Force!
You see?
And, now as I pray...
...
Dear Lord God above.
Yes, on this October 14th, 2022 day.
Thank You for giving me the strength to carry on.
Thank You for saving my son's life!
Yes, and giving his heart that second chance in the helicopter.
Yes, on that fateful night.
Thank you for making me now strong enough not to hate but to fight!
...
And, to accept how horrible the event was and allowing me to navigate through the stormy waters.
Note: Also along with saving my youngest baby daughter!
And, thank You God!
Yes, for teaching me that there is Life after Death!
And finally, Eye also thank You!
Yes for giving me back my very last breath.
And allow me this disclosure on my Quest.
Amen.

****

"Triple Suicide Dance!" (B)
(A Rewrite and True Life Story)
Written on October 14th, 2022
By Doctor Ricky and Satan

'This is 9-11 can I help you?'
'And, what is the problem?'
...
How much does it take?
And, how much can a man take?
How much can I take?
Yes, when now all I want to do is die?
How much does it take?
And, how much can a man take?
Yes, when he can no longer be or forgive himself?
And, can never stop the flow in tears?
"Of the Cry?"
How much does it take?
And, how much can a man take?
How much?
Well, I will tell you my friend.
And, it all started early.
That December 1st, 2006 morning.
As, I write this down with the blood.
Yes, of my, very own, pen.
Amen?
...
And, it's funny how much and then how we can?
Impload then Explode and lose our F****** minds!
But you now see?
The one thing that keeps us bound?
And, makes us one of a kind?
Note: WARNING!
GRAPHIC!
Perhaps you have once come to a point?
Yes, and got to the low point in your lousy life?
First lost your only son, or perhaps your daughter, and then eventually you're husband or wife?
And, you felt like the darkness was grasping and strangling your now Broken Heart!
Ripping your being completely apart!
...
Now you need closure but what do you do?
The rope is hanging and waiting for you!
Or do you take "The Nestea Plunge?"
And, end it within seconds or perhaps a gun?
Yes, just a quick shotgun blast to the brain?
But we know in our hearts that suicide is not proper or there's any gain?
Yes, or maybe you want to just go to sleep?
And, bleed to death when you slice your veins but as for me?
You see that will never do!
Amen.
...
For I slept with my new girlfriend!
"Miss Butcher Knife!"
But as a coward that too would not do!
But on that Fateless day?
"Enough was Enough!"
I do say.
And, I finally found the strength and finally got real tough!
A 7-in serrated steak knife await my date with Fate!
...
'Now Ricky this is your new friend Satan.'
'Yes, and I know that you have been hating!'
Yes, as I plunged it all the way in and I know it's considered a sin.
As I now watched my Guinea white Tee
Yes, turn Crimson red!
But that would not do!
As Eye was still breathing!
...
So, without a second of hesitation.
(when I realized that I wasn't dead) Instead a second time?
I plunged it in to the red!
And, I went into my room for the next twenty minutes waiting for the Dead?
Yes, into the suicide dance and told my only son.
'I'm coming.'
...
God, I don't need another chance.
But you see?
And, unfortunately for me.
And, at that moment in time.
Yes, as I write these words...
Individual sentences of rhyme.
...
'Now Ricky I'm so ashamed of you!'
Stated Satan.
So, again I picked up that knife you see?
And, this time it was easy!
Yes, as 1, 2, 3!
...
So, I figure the side of the neck?
Yes, what the heck!
And, if I nicked the juggler it'll be the End?
But you see my Fanstory friend.
I could never juggle but I sure as HELL?
Can write!
...
So deeply now...
And, three times as much as I could.
If only I should but I knew that I would!
Take the Nestea Plunge!
But this time?
...
WARNING!
GRAPHIC!!
So now no little tripling trail of My Blood!
'Ricky you F****** and dumb bitch!'
The Knife!'
Demanded Satan.
...
So, again did I take the floor!
But on the couch?
Yes, it was covered with not only my blood but my Gore!
...
See?
So into the room again for the next twenty minutes again.
So now perhaps it would be no more?
...
But now forty minutes into the hour-long dance.
Yes!
God was giving me another chance!
...
So, how do you kill oneself when the pain is immense?
Yes, when it's so intense!
Yes that you can no longer cry!
Yes, and the only thought in your mind is one word die!!!
...
Oh yes!
This will be my latest Quest for people take the pills!
And that's the way!
I had a bottle of Depakote waiting for me that day!
Yes but even though I took each and every one.
Yes but I know it is wrong and I know it's not fun.
Yes but Depakote is used for depression and seizures and you cannot overdose!
But my new Host?
...
Yes, and it's funny how Fate and Destiny will appear?
And yes!
Now it wouldn't be Santa and eight reindeer!
As the phone rang and let me make this certainly perfectly clear!
And, what did I hear?
Yes, it was my ex Nancy the Wicked Witch of the East and the West!
I've been F****** HEXED!!!
...
And the night before when she and me?
Yes, we broke up and she did not like my tone of voice.
She was coming over now?
As Eye had a thought...
'Your seriously interrupting my misery!'
...
'Hello this is 911 and what is your problem?'
Well the problem mame is me!'
'I don't no longer want to be!'
Believe it or not?
And, this would be my final thought?
...
So, I took the steak knife and shoved it in deep leaving a trail of Bloody Misery!
So blatant, so steep and Deep!
...
A Stafford officer arrived within a few minutes.
And, came in to my living room.
Registered and observed the scene.
And saw the blood and the knife.
(if you know what I mean?)
And, then asked me.
'Who had did this to you?'
...
Now you have to realize my state of mind that day.
Yes, and I thought this was kind of funny now but no Santa and Sleigh!
Yes, with the words that he did say.
So I simply replied.
'I did this to me!'
...
This was when things really started getting, "Fast and Furious!"
And a little bit more serious!
As they had called for canine backup and now there was a German Shepherd searching my attic and under my house in around my premises for the perpetrator!
Me!
The next thing that happened was A van pulled up with Ocean County violent crime scene as they taped off my house!
I'm glad they didn't say to me next who did this Mickey Mouse?
...
And then the paramedics arrived two young men came into my living room. Now as I write these two words with my pen.
Yes, and less than 10 ft away on my couch.
Yes, this is what the one man did say!
'Who did this to you?'
...
They then asked me if I could stand.
I was controlling my heartbeat.
(And my blood pressure was quite okay)
Now perhaps, I was having a little more fun that day?
But as I stood up with these words.
( I now say.)
The second more deeper wound?
I'd hit the heart valve and had been bleeding internally for quite a while.
So that exit wound was ready to blast.
And the one young man but not with a smile.
But right into his face!
As the blood would fly!
...
Now I was embarrassed, embarrassed indeed.
Because now my pain was being shed with my greed.
The wrong way and taken from me.
...
So, I apologized as they came to take me away not with Santa, nor was his sleigh.
...
Somebody was able to get in touch with one of my children.
Yes, and explain what had been going on.
I had a less than 5% chance of survival
For the up and coming storm?
...
But you see?
Yes there's something going on in Me? And, no matter how much I tried.
And, no matter how much I cried.
And, no matter how much did I curse Jesus Christ.
And, I know that's naughty and not nice.
And, no matter how much?
I could not die!
...
I remember as they prepared me to be operated upon.
The surgeon observed the second wound in my chest.
And as he probed with his index finger?
That was when the pain came back and I thought what the heck!
...
Well, then I heard them words for the third and final time!
'Who did this to you?
(In rhyme)'
And I simply replied...
"F****** Satan!'
The End?