| General Fiction posted July 26, 2022 | Chapters: |
...11 12 -13- 14... 
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a one-scene script
A chapter in the book Random Rhyme and Petty Prose
Five Pies
by Bill Schott
Characters:
Announcer
Pippy Pounder
Cherry Filling
Barb Ru
Tammy Tart
Christiana Crust
The scene opens at a pie eating contest. Five women sit at a long table facing downstage. On the table in front of each woman is a puffed-up cream pie.
Announcer: Welcome everyone to the fifteenth annual pie eating contest. One of these five young women will be the next Ms. Munch-a-lunch, and represent the county at the state fair.
Pippy Pounder: That will be me, Mr. Announcer.
Announcer: Mr. Pacetree.
Pippy Pounder: Nope. My name is Pippy.
Announcer: I meant that I was Mr. Pacetree.
Pippy Pounder: I meant it when I said my name is Pippy.
Cherry Filling: You should stop talking, Pippy. You sound dumbee.
Barb Ru: You mean she sounds dumb. There's no 'B' sound. It's silent.
Cherry Filling: The letter 'B' is silent? How come when we sing the alphabet song, we say bee?
Tammy Tart: Would my brother Bob be called 'ah'?
Barb Ru: No, no, no. The B is silent in that particular word; like plumber or comb.
Christiana Crust: There's a B in plumber? Where's it at?
Pippy Pounder: What does it matter? It's silent.
Cherry Filling: You need to spell it right. The B has to be where it's supposed to be in the word.
Announcer: Pie eaters -- prepare to eat.
Pippy Pounder: Ready, Freddy.
Announcer: Mr. Pacetree.
Pippy Pounder: Nope. Still Pippy.
Cherry Filling: Ready.
Barb Ru: Ready.
Tammy Tart: Bready
Christiana Crust: Why'd you say Bready?
Tammy Tart: The B isn't silent.
Announcer: Get set -- EAT !!
All five competitors jam their faces into the pie in front of them. There are slurping sounds, moaning, vaccuuming, and huge swallowing noises. Suddenly, Pippy Pounder pops. Pie pieces and parts of Pippy are pasted all over the place.
Cherry Filling: I think I'm going to be -- Bleeeaaacccc !! (undigested pie is spewed across the length of the table hitting everyone)
Barb Ru: I now have pie on my insides and outside.
Tammy Tart: That's not just pie. There is a lot of Pippy there too.
Christiana Crust: I'm still hungry.
Announcer: Pippy Pounder is disqualified.
Cherry Filling: So, who is the -- Bleeeaaacccc !!
Barb Ru: Thanks, I was not completely covered in pie puke and Pippy parts. You have completed me.
Tammy Tart: Who won, Mr. Pacetree?
Announcer: Christiana Crust is the winner.
Christiana Crust: What do I win?
Announcer: I really should call someone about Pippy.
Cherry Filling gurgles through the hands over her mouth as the sound of motoring flatulance is heard and she bounces on her seat.
Barb Ru: What's for dessert?
Tammy Tart: I wonder why Pippy popped.
Christiana Crust: Probably improper pie preparation.
All: Poor Pippy.
The End
Characters:
Announcer
Pippy Pounder
Cherry Filling
Barb Ru
Tammy Tart
Christiana Crust
The scene opens at a pie eating contest. Five women sit at a long table facing downstage. On the table in front of each woman is a puffed-up cream pie.
Announcer: Welcome everyone to the fifteenth annual pie eating contest. One of these five young women will be the next Ms. Munch-a-lunch, and represent the county at the state fair.
Pippy Pounder: That will be me, Mr. Announcer.
Announcer: Mr. Pacetree.
Pippy Pounder: Nope. My name is Pippy.
Announcer: I meant that I was Mr. Pacetree.
Pippy Pounder: I meant it when I said my name is Pippy.
Cherry Filling: You should stop talking, Pippy. You sound dumbee.
Barb Ru: You mean she sounds dumb. There's no 'B' sound. It's silent.
Cherry Filling: The letter 'B' is silent? How come when we sing the alphabet song, we say bee?
Tammy Tart: Would my brother Bob be called 'ah'?
Barb Ru: No, no, no. The B is silent in that particular word; like plumber or comb.
Christiana Crust: There's a B in plumber? Where's it at?
Pippy Pounder: What does it matter? It's silent.
Cherry Filling: You need to spell it right. The B has to be where it's supposed to be in the word.
Announcer: Pie eaters -- prepare to eat.
Pippy Pounder: Ready, Freddy.
Announcer: Mr. Pacetree.
Pippy Pounder: Nope. Still Pippy.
Cherry Filling: Ready.
Barb Ru: Ready.
Tammy Tart: Bready
Christiana Crust: Why'd you say Bready?
Tammy Tart: The B isn't silent.
Announcer: Get set -- EAT !!
All five competitors jam their faces into the pie in front of them. There are slurping sounds, moaning, vaccuuming, and huge swallowing noises. Suddenly, Pippy Pounder pops. Pie pieces and parts of Pippy are pasted all over the place.
Cherry Filling: I think I'm going to be -- Bleeeaaacccc !! (undigested pie is spewed across the length of the table hitting everyone)
Barb Ru: I now have pie on my insides and outside.
Tammy Tart: That's not just pie. There is a lot of Pippy there too.
Christiana Crust: I'm still hungry.
Announcer: Pippy Pounder is disqualified.
Cherry Filling: So, who is the -- Bleeeaaacccc !!
Barb Ru: Thanks, I was not completely covered in pie puke and Pippy parts. You have completed me.
Tammy Tart: Who won, Mr. Pacetree?
Announcer: Christiana Crust is the winner.
Christiana Crust: What do I win?
Announcer: I really should call someone about Pippy.
Cherry Filling gurgles through the hands over her mouth as the sound of motoring flatulance is heard and she bounces on her seat.
Barb Ru: What's for dessert?
Tammy Tart: I wonder why Pippy popped.
Christiana Crust: Probably improper pie preparation.
All: Poor Pippy.
The End
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