So here's how it is. The gnomes took us back to Pennylast and made sure my debts were paid. As a bonus, they even settled my account with Benchmark. I didn't actually get to see any of this - I was deposited at the local apothecary to have my burns and stab wound treated - but I did get sealed letters confirming I was now in the black. It turns out, being burned by a dragon's fire and surviving is a pretty handy scenario (hey, maybe one day, you'll find out how it happened). Other than some nasty welts on my neck and, not to put too fine a point on it, my arse, the venture only cost me a haircut and a gobbit.

That last bit hurt more than expected.

"Te tha midget," said Harry, holding his tankard aloft. We all banged our drinks together and took a chug. "And it's nee often a Dwarf gets te say tha'."

"I feel a bit lacking," said Lindon.

I glanced down at the table, raising my eyebrows cheekily, knowing that wasn't what he meant. He threw me a half smile. When Lindon passes on an opportunity for a willy joke, you know he's in a sombre mood. I suspected he was still recovering from having a leaf-wrapped poo thrown in his face.

"Good fight." Terence was nursing an empty tankard - one gulp, the show off.

I let the Dragon's Tail atmosphere wash over us for a little while but soon felt dirty. As an anonymous meeting place, it served a good purpose, but as a venue for quiet reflection, it was about as much use as ...

"Spicy parsnips!" A plate crashed down into the middle of our table. Above it, Olaf's big face wore an expression I could only describe as worried. "You four look like you need some spicing up - desperately."

I smiled. "Thanks, Olaf. Hey, we encountered a namesake of yours running a Jolly Jester on the North Road."

The inn keep's face darkened. "That filthy bugger! He's the runt of the family." His smile emerged once again. "I bet my parsnips are better than his creaky gobdough, though."

"That, they are," I said, chuckling. "Here, how come you're being so nice? Last time you saw us, a riot kicked off."

The big man shrugged. "A bunch of gnomes paid me a visit. Couldn't get a straight sentence out of any of them, but it seems they searched your memories, and sought to settle all your debts. That included my muggins self, right here, as in me."

"They searched my memories?" My life played out like a flip book of weirdness and cringe-worthy scenes behind my eyes. "No wonder the poor buggers didn't stick around to say goodbye!"

With a salute, Olaf tottered off merrily.

"Ach, it all seems a little convenient," moaned Harry. "Like these gnomes stepped in at just tha right moment ta solve our woes."

I nodded and took a long slug of ale. "In my experience, nothing's that convenient. This is going to come back and bite us. I don't think we've seen the last of our gnome comrades. The mercs we fought clearly believed the gnomes had something they needed, and we know it wasn't Hexapussy. Not to mention, if they can summon a magic gnome train and its silver-haired driver whenever they want, there's no way they'd be caught easily unless something stronger than their magic was messing with them. Were the mercs just killing them for fun? No." I shook my head. "This whole thing's fishier than a mermaid's unmentionables."

Lindon's face screwed up in thought. "Do mermaids even have bits and pieces? I mean, they're great on the top half - I can vouch for that - but I've never seen the rest, even in drawings."

"O' course they dee," piped in Harry. "Where d'ye think wee babby mermaids come from?"

Terence held up a parsnip and wiggled it demonstratively.

"I've never seen pictures of baby mermaids either." Lindon picked up his own parsnip and fenced Terence with it.

"Okay, I think I have it," I said. "The mermaid coughs up an egg and she's like, 'oy, mate - you've had your fun with me, now you got to carry the kid.' So the guy, he does the necessary with the egg, then swallows it or puts it - you know - elsewhere within himself. Then it's him who gets to carry the results of his salty misadventures around until it's time to plop out a half-fish tot. It'd certainly explain the shape of some of the fellas frequenting this place."

I laughed as I finished but the table had gone deadly silent. A look around my merry crew revealed three horrified expressions. "What?"

Terence's face looked like he'd swallowed an angry goblin.

"Bloody disgustin' idea," said Harry.

Lindon was turning a funny colour. "So that's what she threw at me - I thought she just wanted me to leave!"

Harry exploded into laughter and I couldn't help joining in - partly at Lindon and partly at how Harry managed to laugh with an accent. Even Terence was chuckling - a rare sight indeed. For a few minutes, we drank and giggled and the years fell away. This was the old feeling - the crew, together and jolly, adventures on our minds.

"Come on, Roz." Lindon was looking at me intently. "I know you have something to ask us. No more procrastinating."

I sighed, feeling my shoulders slump. "It feels like I got everything I wanted out of this," I said eventually. "My problems are resolved - well, the money ones, anyway. Now it's all coming to an end and I've got nothing to keep you here."

"Sod that!" Shouted Harry. "Ye don't get te dump us tha' easy, lass."

Lindon smiled. "Damned right. This wasn't a 'one last adventure' kind of deal for me. This was a new beginning. Find us some more work, Roz - like the old days. If there are jobs to be done, we'll do them with you."

We all turned to look at Terence. The giant barbarian's face split into a huge grin and he held up a fresh tankard. "Companions!" he roared.

"Companions!" Our tankards clinked, our bond was re-forged, and a thousand new realities shrugged in unison and opened their doors.


*****


"You let her wriggle out of it." The voice was deeper than an ocean sinkhole, shuddering through the air with an undercurrent of fury. Bariston Bass felt that voice turning his insides to mush but he couldn't let it show.

He coughed to dispel the pressure in his throat. "She will pay, Father. I promise you. She'll pay for Billy's death and all the trouble she caused."

"I don't know if I can trust you to try again. You had every advantage - we had her in a position she could not deny. Even within the law, we had what we needed to compel her. And still, she eluded you."

"It was the gnomes, Father. We couldn't have predicted them. I will make them pay."

"And her escape from Pennylast the first time, in the unidentified wagon?"

Bariston took a deep breath. "That was the merchants. They-"

A laugh cut him off. "They will pay, is that what you were about to say, Son? Are they all going to pay - are you so determined?"

"Yes," he said, bunching his fists so hard, blood began to trickle.. "All of them. Everyone is going to pay."


THE END (ISH)