just being near
makes my heart ache
sharing the same space

the secret hope
that I will run into you
so I can wrap my arms around you
so you can feel me and remember
that I am here
waiting for you.

although you told me not to.

but how could I not stand still
urging time to move around me?
so that you will come back to me.

the thought of you
fills me with longing
how can a heart be so full
but empty?
a void that consumes
everything
it touches
it will soon
swallow me whole
then I will not be
near anyone
or anything

just a space
between
an absence
existing but not alive.

this grief weighs me down
my legs shake with exhaustion
my arms numb to the pain
I carry you
with me

I am crushed.
I am broken.

"I will come back to you,
but do not wait"

a poison laced my honey
that YOU promised
would be so sweet

I like sweet things.

how can something
I never see
be the only image in my mind?
how can something
I cannot taste
be so sweet?

you have become a memory
I clutch to at night
alone
with tired eyes and a heavy heart

I smile in my sleep
dreaming of you
waking how we used to
no space between us
breathing as one
alive with sensation.

sweet honey, you say?
how could I deny
a taste so sweet?

I tell myself
just give it time
be patient.

but is this too much to endure?

malnourished
I wait.

A shell of what was
hardened and hollow
the pressure to break
to make it all go away.

are you even real?
are you even there?
have I been loving an illusion?
of what was?
a delusion?
of what I thought
would be?

just out of reach.

my finger tips calloused
my muscles strained to the tips of my toes
I reach
only
for you.

do you think of me?
do I haunt your dreams?
captivating
your desire?
gasping for air?
or do you lay peacefully
on clouds of solitude
breathing easy
as you drift off to sleep?

I fear you find yourself
and forget about me.

am I real?
am I even here?
or am I the illusion?
how could a me
need so much
of a you?

"I will come back to you"
"It won't be a long laborious task"

but it is for me.

I'm tired.
I'm drained.

The ground quakes
beneath me
I lose my balance
falling
again
and again
I try to stand
searching for solid ground
a firm foundation
digging my heels in
grasping with my toes

I am learning
to stand alone.

have you forgotten me?
on your solid ground?
rigid formation
one foot in front of the other.

"the journey wont be long."

Then why are you still walking!?

walking away
from ME
only to find your way
back to me.