The old couch was 30 years old, sagged badly, and the once square cushions on the back were now round balls. It was also severely coffee-stained from hubby constantly nodding off with a coffee cup in his hands. According to him, spilling the cup was arthritis in his fingers, not his nodding off with his eyes closed while watching television.

Finding out we were to have company staying with us allowed me to convince him we needed a new couch. Having them sit on this couch, I argued, they are liable to sink in so low; that they will disappear forever.

He agreed, and we picked up and delivered a $1999.00 navy blue couch. Our company sat comfortably on the new couch while we sat on the older loveseat.

On their departure, it was then that the octopus made its way onto the new couch.

Knowing that he would more likely than not spill coffee on my new couch, I covered it entirely with a comforter by tucking it tightly in the back and on the pillows. However, 3 times in one day, I found the couch uncovered and my protective cover entirely off. For a week, I fixed the cover 3 times or more a day.

Watching my husband sit on the couch, I discovered why the comforter kept slipping. Hubby, it appears suddenly, is all arms, like an octopus. Sitting down, he sprawls out with his arms around the back cushions pulling the covering down.

Every time I adjust the cover, I make sure that the yellow toss pillow with a pinpoint stain is showing, so he will get the message to be careful.

I became a mad woman trying to protect my valued property. I am a woman possessed!

He heads to the couch with a dish of meatballs and spaghetti. I block him off in the doorway, not allowing him to enter. When he finishes eating chicken drumsticks, I wonder if he washed his hands.

When he slouches down with his head on the back cushions, I wonder if he washed his hair recently or used hair tonic, although he never used it before.

Every time he brings in a cup of coffee to sit on the couch, I watch him like a hawk to make sure he does not nod off.

Sitting on the loveseat, the cat and I stare at him, watching every move the octopus makes.
Spending $48.00, I buy a new couch cover. It is made specifically to protect the couch by using elastic straps to wrap around the back of the sofa to hold the covering in place.

The octopus managed to mangle that covering as he pulled it off and the cushions down at the top of the cover.

He never laid down on the old couch, but maybe it was because of the mishappened cushions or the fact that his head would be lower than his feet.
Now he stretches out comfortably with his feet up. At least, he takes off his shoes.

I finally decided to try just to cover only the seat of my couch with a comforter. Like everything I tried, it ended up not protecting the cushions.

In the three months we have had the couch, and despite my policing, he has spilled the coffee four times; luckily, none have hit the couch. One time the coffee landed on my lap while we sat on the loveseat, and the other times on the brand-new rug, but that is a rant for another time.

Well, today he made the attempt to protect the couch, so at least now I feel better .