| Satire Fiction posted June 10, 2022 |
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trying for me
The Valkyrie
by Iza Deleanu
"Help, help!" I am a demoiselle in distress. "Damn it! It's not working! I don't get it.... How the hell some demoiselles just flutter their butterfly fake eyelashes and immediately get the attention of the "prince". When I am trying nothing happens? Hm! It must be my lack of fake stuff, I am a freaky Amazon baby, a real Valkyrie! My body is made of stone. You touched me, and you are dead."
The demoiselle with the butterfly extensions:" See, that is your mistake. If you show that you are strong and have some brains, they get intimidated and don't stick around. You need to learn how to fish!"
"Fish, my foot! I don't have the patience for that. Now, swimming with the fishes, that I can do..."
"Listen to me, Stonie, if you want a guy, you need to lead the bite. Remember Snow White, Cinderella, the Beauty and even Fiona, they all had a thing in common. They played the weak part. You know that they were strong, otherwise how could've they have survived their stepmoms! They wanted a better life and some love, so when the time came, they just played my card: the demoiselle in distress!"
"Okay, Fakie, show me your moves. I will try to follow suit!"
Fakie started walking around moving her "beauties", and then pretend to fall. I rushed to the rescue. She started to laugh: "See, even you can't resist my pretend fall. See, that is how you get their attention. Now, you try it."
I started walking like her, but because I knew I am not good at that, after the first steps, my legs just did me a favor and brought me faster down to Earth. I landed on my royal butt in a chorus of "blessings." "What it's wrong with me? Was I blessed with two left legs? Fakie, do you have anything else in your sleeve?"
"Nope! Man, you are a bad case of anti-feminism! You are right. You are the man in this picture. You don't need to be rescued, because you are rescuing yourself, and you don't need anybody to help you out! Mmm, my type! I think I am falling for you."
What? Stay away! I love cats and the prince that is intimidated by my strength. Huh? I think I don't like your tricks, Fakie. I am good as I am, and if there is somebody who sees past my Valkyrie face, will hit a golden mine. "
"Now I feel better."
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"Help, help!" I am a demoiselle in distress. "Damn it! It's not working! I don't get it.... How the hell some demoiselles just flutter their butterfly fake eyelashes and immediately get the attention of the "prince". When I am trying nothing happens? Hm! It must be my lack of fake stuff, I am a freaky Amazon baby, a real Valkyrie! My body is made of stone. You touched me, and you are dead."
The demoiselle with the butterfly extensions:" See, that is your mistake. If you show that you are strong and have some brains, they get intimidated and don't stick around. You need to learn how to fish!"
"Fish, my foot! I don't have the patience for that. Now, swimming with the fishes, that I can do..."
"Listen to me, Stonie, if you want a guy, you need to lead the bite. Remember Snow White, Cinderella, the Beauty and even Fiona, they all had a thing in common. They played the weak part. You know that they were strong, otherwise how could've they have survived their stepmoms! They wanted a better life and some love, so when the time came, they just played my card: the demoiselle in distress!"
"Okay, Fakie, show me your moves. I will try to follow suit!"
Fakie started walking around moving her "beauties", and then pretend to fall. I rushed to the rescue. She started to laugh: "See, even you can't resist my pretend fall. See, that is how you get their attention. Now, you try it."
I started walking like her, but because I knew I am not good at that, after the first steps, my legs just did me a favor and brought me faster down to Earth. I landed on my royal butt in a chorus of "blessings." "What it's wrong with me? Was I blessed with two left legs? Fakie, do you have anything else in your sleeve?"
"Nope! Man, you are a bad case of anti-feminism! You are right. You are the man in this picture. You don't need to be rescued, because you are rescuing yourself, and you don't need anybody to help you out! Mmm, my type! I think I am falling for you."
What? Stay away! I love cats and the prince that is intimidated by my strength. Huh? I think I don't like your tricks, Fakie. I am good as I am, and if there is somebody who sees past my Valkyrie face, will hit a golden mine. "
"Now I feel better."
The demoiselle with the butterfly extensions:" See, that is your mistake. If you show that you are strong and have some brains, they get intimidated and don't stick around. You need to learn how to fish!"
"Fish, my foot! I don't have the patience for that. Now, swimming with the fishes, that I can do..."
"Listen to me, Stonie, if you want a guy, you need to lead the bite. Remember Snow White, Cinderella, the Beauty and even Fiona, they all had a thing in common. They played the weak part. You know that they were strong, otherwise how could've they have survived their stepmoms! They wanted a better life and some love, so when the time came, they just played my card: the demoiselle in distress!"
"Okay, Fakie, show me your moves. I will try to follow suit!"
Fakie started walking around moving her "beauties", and then pretend to fall. I rushed to the rescue. She started to laugh: "See, even you can't resist my pretend fall. See, that is how you get their attention. Now, you try it."
I started walking like her, but because I knew I am not good at that, after the first steps, my legs just did me a favor and brought me faster down to Earth. I landed on my royal butt in a chorus of "blessings." "What it's wrong with me? Was I blessed with two left legs? Fakie, do you have anything else in your sleeve?"
"Nope! Man, you are a bad case of anti-feminism! You are right. You are the man in this picture. You don't need to be rescued, because you are rescuing yourself, and you don't need anybody to help you out! Mmm, my type! I think I am falling for you."
What? Stay away! I love cats and the prince that is intimidated by my strength. Huh? I think I don't like your tricks, Fakie. I am good as I am, and if there is somebody who sees past my Valkyrie face, will hit a golden mine. "
"Now I feel better."
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