Humor Non-Fiction posted June 10, 2022


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A Look at mail humor

My Real Mail Box

by Terry Broxson


Let me explain about Elvis. I was searching for a picture of mail to go with this story. Maybe a postman or a mailbox, just something that depicts mail. But Elvis shows up with an envelope and the name of one of his great songs. I thought the King was sending me a sign.

I would like to write "Return to Sender" on some of the mail I get. But I don't think that works anymore. The Post Office believes we should be grateful they brought it. We can forget about returning it.

There is very little real mail anymore. Of course, there are Christmas cards and announcement cards when someone thinks they need a gift or cash.

WE ARE PLEASED TO ANNOUNCE OUR BABY GIRL IS GETTING MARRIED. AND MORE GOOD NEWS, THREE WEEKS AFTER THE WEDDING OUR BABY GIRL IS HAVING A BABY GIRL OF HER OWN. Please visit the wedding registry website and then check out the baby shower registry.  

I also have good news for the sender of the announcement. I am an old single guy living in a condo community for over fifty-five folks. I get a lot of coupons in my mail every week. So, I cut out $274 worth of coupons and send them to the soon-to-be-happily-wedded couple and another $98 in coupons for their blessed event. I know that is generous, but that is just the kind of guy I am.

I get these envelopes that look like someone might have addressed them by hand. The first one I open says, "Free Hearing Test for the First Fifty Callers." It is written in some light blue ink. But I know it is not genuine ink. I called the number on the letter immediately.

The operator said, "Congratulations, you are one of the first fifty callers, and you get a free hearing test!" I replied, "Thank you very much for the free hearing test. I heard you just fine!"   

The next envelope with light blue ink invites me to "A Free Luncheon Seminar on the Benefits of Cremation." I am wondering, what in the heck are they serving for lunch? What goes good with cremation? Does one pair the main course with wine? And, do I get a doggy bag?


I thought about the cremation benefit offer for a day or two, but finally, I threw the invitation in the recycle bin. I concluded that the benefits might be too tempting for an old coot to contemplate. But the real kicker was that at my age, when I go to the doctor, I have to answer some Medicare questions like, "Have you ever thought about harming yourself?"

 I did not want to say, "Does learning the benefits of cremation count?"  

 



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June
2022
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Artwork by avmurray at FanArtReview.com

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