"Who sent you?"

I tripped him as I pushed, shoving his off-balance form against the wall of the alley behind The Dragon's Tail. His head bounced from the brick with an audible donk and breath burst between his lips. What had been a cocky, baffled expression turned to pain and anger. He opened his mouth to speak and I leaned forward, smashing his lips with my forehead. Anger was flopping around inside me like my stomach wanted to escape. While he sputtered blood, I drew a dirk and held it up in front of his face.

"You know what I want to do with this?" I widened my eyes at him so he'd know how serious I was, or at least so he'd think I was insane (entirely possible). "I'll give you a clue. It's not much effort on my part, but your part will notice the difference."

He shrugged, trying to get away with a confused grimace, so I head-butted him again.

"Don't test me, Smiff. Just lay it out. Tell us what's been going on."

"Spesh ... speshal constable," he murmured.

This time I placed a knee somewhere he really didn't want it. "Nope. I spoke to Mastik. He never assigned us a liaison." My voice sounded more like a growl. "That assassin knew who you were, didn't he? You were his liaison. That's why you left in such a hurry."

I glanced behind me to see Terence, Lindon and Harry watching, arms all crossed. "What, not going to tell me I should stop? Not going to suggest I'm too angry to see things rationally?"

Harry smiled without a trace of humour. "Nay, lass. Ye go right aheed."

I looked back at Smiff, whose bleeding face looked defeated. "I should have been more suspicious from the start. You managed to be elsewhere every time we came near the watch and you steered our investigation without seeming to. My only question is why - if you were just going to kill me?"

His eyes opened wider than a hobbit's in a pie shop. "I never wanted you dead. You ain't just a fit bird who's good in a barny. I ak-chally like you. I even like this lot." He gestured behind me.

"Careful, Smiff." I waggled my blade in his face again. "My knife wants to play and you're still not answering my questions."

"Alright, alright." He held his hands up in submission. "I'll come clean. Bass paid me to lead you on. You figured out this is all the Bass boys, right?"

"It might have helped if we'd known from the start, old chap," piped up Lindon.

Smiff shrugged and ran a hand roughly through his hair. "My job was makin' sure you was where they wanted you at the right times. When the guy took a shot at you, I was meant to save you. You know - gaining trust and all that. He came closer to getting you than I fought. Fing is," he sniffed and a tear trickled down his face. "Fing is, when I saw that bastard pulling the trigger, I realised sumfink. I realised I really didn't want you dead. Then, after we spoke to the union blokes, I knew I was part of a team. A bunch of folks who look out for one anuvver - that's sumfink I never had. That's more to me than a bloody pay packet."

I crossed my arms. "I might believe you if it wasn't for that ambush in the alley." A tug of fear plucked at my stomach. Those weren't going to be the types of memories to fade quickly. "I don't know if I can forgive that."

"It wasn't me, luv!" The tears looked genuine but I couldn't trust him. "Why you fink I steered you to make uvver enquiries? I knew they wanted you near Belly Row, with the survey wizards. I fought I'd managed to get you clear of it. For what it's worf, I don't fink they wanna kill you. Uvverwise, they'da just let the guy shoot you."

I blinked. "That would explain why they came at me with rubber-wrapped koshes and not swords."

Smiff sniffed. "I want to join you guys. I can help with jobs."

I laughed in astonishment. "The only place you're going is back to Mastik so he can stick you in a cell until you rot." I turned to the Companions. "All we need to do is figure out how to confront the Bass brothers without getting thoroughly murdered on our way into their place. Uncle Don might help - anything to undermine the competition - and Mastik will play a part."

"Use Dennis," said Lindon. "If you turn up the sassy, he'll help you out. Not to mention, he's invested - the union got played here, as much as anyone else."

"Let me 'elp." Smiff's voice was small, but it cut through the rest of us with determination. "Give me a distraction, and I'll go in and kick them buggers into submission. They fink I don't know, but I got knowledge o' their base of operations."

"You're not planning to break in through the poop chute, are you?" I said wryly. "Because I did that once, and once was enough."

He scowled. "No. Why would anyone do that?"

"It's a long story, but that's not the point."

"Listen, luv." He wiped his eyes and stood up straight. "I got a way in and plenty to prove. Let me open the doors for you and present them bastards on a platter. And hey," he shrugged. "If I get killed, that's one more problem out your hair." His eyes were deadly serious. "Come on, you got nothing to lose. I bloody bonded with you lot, alright? Let me prove I'm one o' the boys."

I turned back to my comrades. A dwarf, an elf, a barbarian and a thief - what a nutty bunch we were. "What do you think?"

There was a general shrug. "Let's fish," said Lindon.

Something thudded in my head like a nearby building had collapsed. The others all sucked in breaths and closed their eyes like they'd just walked in on their grandparents playing spanky-spank in leather chaps and a harness. All except Lindon, that is, whose eyes were scrunched up like buttonholes.

"No," he whispered. "Please not..."

"Urgh," I mumbled in response, realising the sensation was a mental clearing of the throat.

Magic threat. Need help. Come with GIMP.

I turned to look along the alley, and saw the unmistakable shape of a gnome standing there.

Come. Join Gnome Train.

"Oh, for f-"