| General Fiction posted April 24, 2022 |
  |
finding the meaning
Inhumane
by giraffmang
Jasper Maroonthroat sat at the kitchen table, listening to the pitter-patter of raindrops on the window, as his internet connection struggled to connect to his favourite writing website. Another bout of glorious thunder and the little spinning hourglass disappeared from the screen. Success!
“Right, let’s see what we’ve got,” Jasper muttered as he moused the cursor over the ‘replies’ button.
He’d spent the previous day slaving away over the keyboard reviewing prose on the website. He always liked to give detailed, and thorough critiques, although they weren’t always appreciated.
He scrolled through the usual two word replies to reviews and sighed. Twenty minutes spent on some reviews, and he got back was a measly “Thank you.” Then one reply made his fingers immobile… a lengthier reply. Things were looking up… or so he thought.
Jasper was used to folk not appreciating the fact that he reviewed and rated using the actual system the site had in place. People didn’t seem to like not having smoke blown up their botties but at least he kept his integrity. But this reply… this was something else.
Remembering the piece of fiction in question, Jasper sighed once again. It had been a competition piece and had been quite poorly executed. He’d done his best to point out where it could be improved and gave it a generous four-star rating after much consideration.
Jasper stared at the screen, eyes full of incredulity and bottom lip quivering. He read the words out loud, “I don’t like your inhumane review.”
Somewhat taken aback, Jasper was unsure of whether to laugh, cry, or blow a fuse!
He opted for the latter. “INHUMANE! What are they on?”
The thunder roared outside, much like the rush of blood in Jasper’s ears. The lightning flashed, much like the daggers from his narrowing eyes. “Bloody cheek!”
Jasper did not sleep well that night and in the morning, he hatched a plan…
He called work the following morning feigning illness. This was something he never did so it raised no suspicions whatsoever. Then he set to work. A short time on the internet and he had an address. He’d often thought that putting your own name and city of birth / origin on any kind of website was a bit mad. Who knew what kind of lunatics might use it for nefarious reasons…?
Armed with these bits of information, Jasper used an old-fashioned technique for tracking people known as the phone book… and there they were. Bingo… an actual address. Better than that, the town they lived in was only a short nineteen-hour drive away!
Packing just the essentials into a hold-all, Jasper hopped into his car and set-off.
~
Chortling to himself, Jasper took another glance at the profile page on his mobile phone. They even had a real photograph on the page. It was too easy! He sat in the car for three hours, peeing into a ‘Big Gulp’ cup, surprised that more came out of him than had gone in. Eventually, he spotted her, ambling up the sidewalk without a care in the world.
As she entered her home, Jasper slid from the front seat, taking his hold-all with him, and loped across the road, concealing himself in her hedge. He waited for another hour or so, peeking through the window to ensure she was alone. Satisfied that she was, Jasper sprinted to the back door and launched himself through it, did a commando-roll and came to rest up against the SMEG fridge-freezer.
He heard a high-pitched voice from the lounge. “What in the world was that?”
As the unsuspecting writer entered the kitchen, he karate-chopped her in the neck and she went down like an incapacitated middle-aged woman.
Jasper dragged her into a kitchen chair and secured her to it using the cable ties he’d brought with him. Next, he rushed around her abode shutting all the doors and blinds. He returned to the kitchen and laid out the remaining contents of his bag on the kitchen table. Nail scissors, pliers, curling iron, nail gun, Swiss Army knife, a Celine Dion CD, and a jar of marmite. He spotted a meat cleaver in a knife block on his host’s kitchen countertop, so he added that to the mix as well.
The woman began to murmur as Jasper cracked his knuckles and perched on the chair opposite her.
She opened her bleary eyes, blinked several times, and muttered, “What’s going on? Who are you?”
Jasper smiled. “I’m BadgerKidB.”
Her eyes widen as she stammered. ‘F… F… from the website?”
Jasper nodded, still smiling.
She found her voice again. “What are you doing here?”
Screeching back his chair, Jasper stood and grabbed the nail gun and a pair of pliers before responding. “That’s easy to answer. I’m going to show you the true meaning of word ‘inhumane’!”
Jasper Maroonthroat sat at the kitchen table, listening to the pitter-patter of raindrops on the window, as his internet connection struggled to connect to his favourite writing website. Another bout of glorious thunder and the little spinning hourglass disappeared from the screen. Success!
“Right, let’s see what we’ve got,” Jasper muttered as he moused the cursor over the ‘replies’ button.
He’d spent the previous day slaving away over the keyboard reviewing prose on the website. He always liked to give detailed, and thorough critiques, although they weren’t always appreciated.
He scrolled through the usual two word replies to reviews and sighed. Twenty minutes spent on some reviews, and he got back was a measly “Thank you.” Then one reply made his fingers immobile… a lengthier reply. Things were looking up… or so he thought.
Jasper was used to folk not appreciating the fact that he reviewed and rated using the actual system the site had in place. People didn’t seem to like not having smoke blown up their botties but at least he kept his integrity. But this reply… this was something else.
Remembering the piece of fiction in question, Jasper sighed once again. It had been a competition piece and had been quite poorly executed. He’d done his best to point out where it could be improved and gave it a generous four-star rating after much consideration.
Jasper stared at the screen, eyes full of incredulity and bottom lip quivering. He read the words out loud, “I don’t like your inhumane review.”
Somewhat taken aback, Jasper was unsure of whether to laugh, cry, or blow a fuse!
He opted for the latter. “INHUMANE! What are they on?”
The thunder roared outside, much like the rush of blood in Jasper’s ears. The lightning flashed, much like the daggers from his narrowing eyes. “Bloody cheek!”
Jasper did not sleep well that night and in the morning, he hatched a plan…
He called work the following morning feigning illness. This was something he never did so it raised no suspicions whatsoever. Then he set to work. A short time on the internet and he had an address. He’d often thought that putting your own name and city of birth / origin on any kind of website was a bit mad. Who knew what kind of lunatics might use it for nefarious reasons…?
Armed with these bits of information, Jasper used an old-fashioned technique for tracking people known as the phone book… and there they were. Bingo… an actual address. Better than that, the town they lived in was only a short nineteen-hour drive away!
Packing just the essentials into a hold-all, Jasper hopped into his car and set-off.
~
As she entered her home, Jasper slid from the front seat, taking his hold-all with him, and loped across the road, concealing himself in her hedge. He waited for another hour or so, peeking through the window to ensure she was alone. Satisfied that she was, Jasper sprinted to the back door and launched himself through it, did a commando-roll and came to rest up against the SMEG fridge-freezer.
He heard a high-pitched voice from the lounge. “What in the world was that?”
As the unsuspecting writer entered the kitchen, he karate-chopped her in the neck and she went down like an incapacitated middle-aged woman.
Jasper dragged her into a kitchen chair and secured her to it using the cable ties he’d brought with him. Next, he rushed around her abode shutting all the doors and blinds. He returned to the kitchen and laid out the remaining contents of his bag on the kitchen table. Nail scissors, pliers, curling iron, nail gun, Swiss Army knife, a Celine Dion CD, and a jar of marmite. He spotted a meat cleaver in a knife block on his host’s kitchen countertop, so he added that to the mix as well.
The woman began to murmur as Jasper cracked his knuckles and perched on the chair opposite her.
She opened her bleary eyes, blinked several times, and muttered, “What’s going on? Who are you?”
Jasper smiled. “I’m BadgerKidB.”
Her eyes widen as she stammered. ‘F… F… from the website?”
Jasper nodded, still smiling.
She found her voice again. “What are you doing here?”
Screeching back his chair, Jasper stood and grabbed the nail gun and a pair of pliers before responding. “That’s easy to answer. I’m going to show you the true meaning of word ‘inhumane’!”
 Recognized |
Based on true events...
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