It's a pain so deep within.
One only I can feel.
No one understands how it rips my soul in two.
A burning in my chest.
An ache in my heart.
I grieve for you each day.
I was robbed of creating you, carrying you and raising you.
You died the day I was told you were not possible.
I grieve each day.
Everyday, for the child that was supposed to be mine.
It's cruel.
So damn cruel.
And yet I am not healing. I can't forget.
Some sick part of me holds hope.
Faith has become my enemy.
I try to shut it down but it haunts me.
Maternal instinct?
A silly wish?
A damn fantasy.
I wish I could pull it from my heart.
Remove it from my mind.
I cry for you when no one sees.
I hide the emotional burden but it builds each day.
I mourn, it takes its toll.
Faith, it prevents me from giving up.
I wish I could be numb.
Wish it didn't hurt.
It's just not human nature to lose faith?
I miss the face which I have never seen.
I miss the heartbeat I never heard.
I miss the touch of your hand I never felt.
No one understands, it's a struggle I face alone.
That's the worst thing about my struggle with faith.
It's relentless.
I'm alone.
Just me and the baby that will never be.