| General Fiction posted February 19, 2022 |
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A Flash Fiction
Who, Me?
by bhogg
The author has placed a warning on this post for language.
"You need to calm down, "hissed Paula. "That way, I'll be the only one who knows you're a total asshole."
Jeff calmly replied, "I'm not a total asshole. I'm just your run-of-the-mill type A personality."
"It's just that you embarrass me. For sure, the barista didn't need to spill coffee on your shirt. In the scheme of life though, is it a life-or-death situation?"
"Well, Paula, it is obvious that you don't understand the larger picture."
"Do tell. I'm certainly willing to listen."
"Okay. This isn't a plain-Jane type of shirt."
"I don't understand what Jane has to do with this?"
"For Christ's Sake," barked Jeff, "Can't you give me a minute?"
"Well, I certainly don't know what Christ has to do with this either."
Jeff slammed his coffee mug down on the counter before saying, "You can be such a jerk. The shirt was made with Egyptian cotton. I bought it from Mike Lindell. I even got a 'my-pillow' as a gift. In other words, it's a classic."
"A classic, hunh? I don't think you should hang it up in your closet when we get home. I can wash it, iron it, fold it, and put it in the china cabinet for display. How does that sound?"
She looked over at Jeff in what she thought was a sincere look. One look at his face told her that it was best to get on with things. "Look, Jeff, you know I'm pulling your chain. I promise to take your shirt to the cleaner tomorrow morning."
"Thanks, Paula. I have that big meeting with the boss next Monday. I'd love to wear the shirt and the beautiful tie you gave me for my birthday. I'm finished with coffee. Let's go home. You drive."
They walked out to the parking lot and got into their brand-new car, A Lexus ES 350. Paula signaled and slowly pulled into the street. An older woman driving a beat-up Ford Fiesta pulled right in front of her. She slammed on her brake, pounded the horn, and screamed, "Watch where you're going you fucking old-ass whore!"
Jeff looked at her and said, "You need to calm down."
This Sentence Starts The Story contest entry
"You need to calm down, "hissed Paula. "That way, I'll be the only one who knows you're a total asshole."
Jeff calmly replied, "I'm not a total asshole. I'm just your run-of-the-mill type A personality."
"It's just that you embarrass me. For sure, the barista didn't need to spill coffee on your shirt. In the scheme of life though, is it a life-or-death situation?"
"Well, Paula, it is obvious that you don't understand the larger picture."
"Do tell. I'm certainly willing to listen."
"Okay. This isn't a plain-Jane type of shirt."
"I don't understand what Jane has to do with this?"
"For Christ's Sake," barked Jeff, "Can't you give me a minute?"
"Well, I certainly don't know what Christ has to do with this either."
Jeff slammed his coffee mug down on the counter before saying, "You can be such a jerk. The shirt was made with Egyptian cotton. I bought it from Mike Lindell. I even got a 'my-pillow' as a gift. In other words, it's a classic."
"A classic, hunh? I don't think you should hang it up in your closet when we get home. I can wash it, iron it, fold it, and put it in the china cabinet for display. How does that sound?"
She looked over at Jeff in what she thought was a sincere look. One look at his face told her that it was best to get on with things. "Look, Jeff, you know I'm pulling your chain. I promise to take your shirt to the cleaner tomorrow morning."
"Thanks, Paula. I have that big meeting with the boss next Monday. I'd love to wear the shirt and the beautiful tie you gave me for my birthday. I'm finished with coffee. Let's go home. You drive."
They walked out to the parking lot and got into their brand-new car, A Lexus ES 350. Paula signaled and slowly pulled into the street. An older woman driving a beat-up Ford Fiesta pulled right in front of her. She slammed on her brake, pounded the horn, and screamed, "Watch where you're going you fucking old-ass whore!"
Jeff looked at her and said, "You need to calm down."
Jeff calmly replied, "I'm not a total asshole. I'm just your run-of-the-mill type A personality."
"It's just that you embarrass me. For sure, the barista didn't need to spill coffee on your shirt. In the scheme of life though, is it a life-or-death situation?"
"Well, Paula, it is obvious that you don't understand the larger picture."
"Do tell. I'm certainly willing to listen."
"Okay. This isn't a plain-Jane type of shirt."
"I don't understand what Jane has to do with this?"
"For Christ's Sake," barked Jeff, "Can't you give me a minute?"
"Well, I certainly don't know what Christ has to do with this either."
Jeff slammed his coffee mug down on the counter before saying, "You can be such a jerk. The shirt was made with Egyptian cotton. I bought it from Mike Lindell. I even got a 'my-pillow' as a gift. In other words, it's a classic."
"A classic, hunh? I don't think you should hang it up in your closet when we get home. I can wash it, iron it, fold it, and put it in the china cabinet for display. How does that sound?"
She looked over at Jeff in what she thought was a sincere look. One look at his face told her that it was best to get on with things. "Look, Jeff, you know I'm pulling your chain. I promise to take your shirt to the cleaner tomorrow morning."
"Thanks, Paula. I have that big meeting with the boss next Monday. I'd love to wear the shirt and the beautiful tie you gave me for my birthday. I'm finished with coffee. Let's go home. You drive."
They walked out to the parking lot and got into their brand-new car, A Lexus ES 350. Paula signaled and slowly pulled into the street. An older woman driving a beat-up Ford Fiesta pulled right in front of her. She slammed on her brake, pounded the horn, and screamed, "Watch where you're going you fucking old-ass whore!"
Jeff looked at her and said, "You need to calm down."
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