My Son, My Angel

There are moments in your life that change everything. I don't mean little things; I mean total change. One moment your world is perfect, the next-snap!-it is entirely altered. All the rules and things you believe about reality are turned upside down.

Like up becomes down. Left becomes right. Life becomes death. Mothers ought not to have to bury their children.

It was December 1985, a few days before Christmas, the first Christmas in sixteen years without my son Roy. He lost his life in a tragic hunting accident on the last day of November. Ironically, it was his first-year deer hunting and the last day of the season. The details were unimportant to me; that Roy was gone forever was all that mattered. I decided I didn't want to go on without him. On that long-ago day, I intended to end my life too.

I took the tranquilizers the doctor had given me. That and a bottle of pain pills should do the job nicely.

I walked to the woods on the back of the farm, where my son breathed his last breath. Here, I would take the pills and remember our life together until death came for me.

I found the accident site near a large Birch tree, a tree Roy and I often had picnics under in past years. It was a pleasant spot even this late in the year. The dead leaves rustled in a soft breeze, a perfect setting for my last memories. I leaned against the tree and began preparations for my final minutes alone on this planet.

Then, I heard a sad mewing sound behind me. I dug around in the dry leaves and discovered a tiny tiger-colored kitten: the spitting image of Roy's cat, Iggy, that had died a couple of years ago. It was very young with eyes just open, and It seemed close to death. Well, the kitten wouldn't die alone, I thought to myself. I tucked it under my jacket. The warmth of her little body felt good

I reached for the pills, and it was as if I sensed a presence: no words, just a feeling, and strong resistance. I tried again with the same results. The kitten burrowed closer like it knew somebody had sent me to save its small existence. I gave in, snuggled the baby cat in my arms, and headed for home.

My angel, Roy, sent me something to care for and perhaps ease the pain in my heart a little.