I cry. .

I listen to Celine.

"I'm Everything I am Because of You." The words ring so true.

This has always been one of my songs to you.
.
I cry even harder.

Again torturing myself because I wasn't there for you. There when you needed me the most.

I was in denial. So many things had happened. I had chronic pain. I was addicted to pain medication.

I cry some more.

My marriage was in shambles I got divorced.

I cried harder.

I moved to Lisa's. A month later Lisa died.

I cried my heart out.

A month after Lisa died I came to see you.

Dad told me you were going to die. I didn't believe him. If you were going to die YOU would tell me.

I cried and I prayed.

You looked thin and weak. I told myself this was because you had been so sick. I told you to rest and get better.

I cried even more.

You kept looking for things to give me while I was there as if you would never see me again. I kept telling you to relax.

I cried my eyes out.

I watched you sleeping on the couch looking so thin and frail and

I cried more and more.

We made plans for me to come back in September for the Willow Tree Festival.

I couldn't cry anymore.

My two week visit went by so fast. I got ready to go. I prayed that night for your quick return to good health but...

I didn't cry.

We had coffee the next morning. I told you September would be here before we knew it. I told you I loved you and to rest and hurry up and get better.

I don't remember crying.

We said goodbye to each other at the front door. We hugged each other tight and told one another I love you.

As always we BOTH cried.

That was the last time I ever got to hold you in my arms and tell you how much I loved you.

I got the call five weeks later that you were dying. I didn't believe it. I asked the nurse she said you were holding your own. Good. I thought. That means she's fighting.

I didn't cry.

I went to you a day later. Afraid. I got there. Dad met me and told me not to...

cry in front of you.

I saw you. You looked awful. You were so swollen. You looked miserable.

I wanted to hold you and...

cry but I had to be brave for you.

I got to say hello. I love you Mom. Then you slipped into the darkness.Later that night...

I cried and I cried.

I wished that I could turn back the clock so I could be with you those last five weeks.

I cried fresh tears.

I prayed to God not to take you. That you were far too young and that we had so many more things left to do and say.

I cried and I pleaded.

I tried to remember our last phone conversation. Did I miss a cue? Why didn't YOU tell me.

I cried some more.

Exhausted. I finally fell asleep.

The next morning I went to the hospital. Despite my prayers, there was no change. You were in the darkness.

I cried inside.

You lingered in the twilight for another day and night and died in the wee hours of the morning.

You took your last breath at 3:59 am on September 6,2015.

My World has changed forever.

I haven't stopped crying.