| General Non-Fiction posted September 1, 2021 |
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Unpalatable surprise quashes dinner plans
Taste Test with an Untasty Twist
by Elizabeth Emerald
Last night, I invited my friend Gale to supper. Usually, I cook in advance of guests, but a meal of fish fillets is best prepared right before serving.
I've made the dish countless times. No need to write this recipe: dump a jar of top-quality pasta sauce in a pan, lay the fillets (thin or thick, fresh or frozen) on top, simmer for however long it takes.
I digress. Back to the story:
I grab a one-pound package of frozen cod and splay the six thin, narrow slices on a sumptuous bed of Victoria marinara sauce. Within five minutes of simmering, the edges curl.
I break off a tip, center it in a spoonful of sauce, and
GAACK! *Lot's wife* has dissolved in my mouth.
Gagging, I dash to the sink.
I rinse my mouth and spit. The salty old witch hasn't budged.
I $t@rt $we@rin&!
I rrinse my mouth and sspit. Her graininess proceeds to torture my taste buds.
I re$ume $we@rin&!
I rrrinse my mouth and ssspit. Lot's erstwhile wife has apparently partnered with a salesman from *Morton* and they're cutting the rug on my tongue.
Thi$ mu$t be salted codfish!
* * * * * *
Prior to the invention of refrigeration, fish was preserved by being heavily salted. The fish is inedible until the salt is removed; the tedious process of flushing it out entails repeated cycles of soaking and rinsing. Nostalgia for ancestral recipes aside, there is no earthly purpose for the present production of salted fish; they should ship the stuff to Satan's chef.
Luckily, I had my standby imitation crab; I whipped together a one-minute faux-bisque (milk/marinara base).
In The Old Testament, God punishes Lot's wife (for rubber-necking the mayhem He'd wreaked in behalf of her family) by turning her into a pillar of salt (!) Perhaps He got bored with His usual smiting and such.
Morton Company is North America's leading producer of salt.
Last night, I invited my friend Gale to supper. Usually, I cook in advance of guests, but a meal of fish fillets is best prepared right before serving.
I've made the dish countless times. No need to write this recipe: dump a jar of top-quality pasta sauce in a pan, lay the fillets (thin or thick, fresh or frozen) on top, simmer for however long it takes.
I digress. Back to the story:
I grab a one-pound package of frozen cod and splay the six thin, narrow slices on a sumptuous bed of Victoria marinara sauce. Within five minutes of simmering, the edges curl.
I break off a tip, center it in a spoonful of sauce, and
GAACK! *Lot's wife* has dissolved in my mouth.
Gagging, I dash to the sink.
I rinse my mouth and spit. The salty old witch hasn't budged.
I $t@rt $we@rin&!
I rrinse my mouth and sspit. Her graininess proceeds to torture my taste buds.
I re$ume $we@rin&!
I rrrinse my mouth and ssspit. Lot's erstwhile wife has apparently partnered with a salesman from *Morton* and they're cutting the rug on my tongue.
Thi$ mu$t be salted codfish!
* * * * * *
Prior to the invention of refrigeration, fish was preserved by being heavily salted. The fish is inedible until the salt is removed; the tedious process of flushing it out entails repeated cycles of soaking and rinsing. Nostalgia for ancestral recipes aside, there is no earthly purpose for the present production of salted fish; they should ship the stuff to Satan's chef.
Luckily, I had my standby imitation crab; I whipped together a one-minute faux-bisque (milk/marinara base).
In The Old Testament, God punishes Lot's wife (for rubber-necking the mayhem He'd wreaked in behalf of her family) by turning her into a pillar of salt (!) Perhaps He got bored with His usual smiting and such.
Morton Company is North America's leading producer of salt.
I've made the dish countless times. No need to write this recipe: dump a jar of top-quality pasta sauce in a pan, lay the fillets (thin or thick, fresh or frozen) on top, simmer for however long it takes.
I digress. Back to the story:
I grab a one-pound package of frozen cod and splay the six thin, narrow slices on a sumptuous bed of Victoria marinara sauce. Within five minutes of simmering, the edges curl.
I break off a tip, center it in a spoonful of sauce, and
GAACK! *Lot's wife* has dissolved in my mouth.
Gagging, I dash to the sink.
I rinse my mouth and spit. The salty old witch hasn't budged.
I $t@rt $we@rin&!
I rrinse my mouth and sspit. Her graininess proceeds to torture my taste buds.
I re$ume $we@rin&!
I rrrinse my mouth and ssspit. Lot's erstwhile wife has apparently partnered with a salesman from *Morton* and they're cutting the rug on my tongue.
Thi$ mu$t be salted codfish!
* * * * * *
Prior to the invention of refrigeration, fish was preserved by being heavily salted. The fish is inedible until the salt is removed; the tedious process of flushing it out entails repeated cycles of soaking and rinsing. Nostalgia for ancestral recipes aside, there is no earthly purpose for the present production of salted fish; they should ship the stuff to Satan's chef.
Luckily, I had my standby imitation crab; I whipped together a one-minute faux-bisque (milk/marinara base).
In The Old Testament, God punishes Lot's wife (for rubber-necking the mayhem He'd wreaked in behalf of her family) by turning her into a pillar of salt (!) Perhaps He got bored with His usual smiting and such.
Morton Company is North America's leading producer of salt.
 Recognized |
#41 September 2021 |
Fish are Jumpin' by MoonWillow on FanArtReview.com THANK YOU!
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Salted_fish
https://www.thespruceeats.com/de-salting-salt-fish-instructions-2138097
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Morton_Salt
https://www.mortonsalt.com/
Pays
one point
and 2 member cents. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Salted_fish
https://www.thespruceeats.com/de-salting-salt-fish-instructions-2138097
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Morton_Salt
https://www.mortonsalt.com/
Artwork by MoonWillow at FanArtReview.com
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