Humor Script posted March 15, 2021


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The Grim Reapers' specialty field is playing out.

New Choice of The Grim Reapers

by BethShelby


Setting:  Underworld Unemployment Agency waiting room: 
The room contains a number of seats and tables. The lighting is dim and an atmosphere of gloom hangs over the room. A slow somber dirge of piped-in music plays in the background.. Three hooded figures sit together on a long straight bench. Two of the men have long crooked staffs, and the third has a scythe leaning against the wall beside him. All three men appear dejected, with heads hanging low.

Year: AD 2032.

Characters:
Thanatos:
 Greek god of nonviolent deaths. His name literally translates to “death” in Greek. His touch is gentle, often compared to the touch of Hypnos, the god of sleep.

Yama or YamarÄ?ja: is a Hindu and Buddhist deity of death.

Mot or Maweth: personifies death in the Canaanite tradition.

Opening: Lights come up, the music playing softly, and the three hooded figures can be heard emitting deep sighs. Mot eventually raises his head and speaks.

Mot: (Holding his pink slip up.) I never thought a day would come when I would receive one of these. Can you believe the boss says my services are no longer needed?

Yama: We know. We all got one of those. Death isn’t the lucrative profession it once was. In fact, I thought things were starting to look up a few years back with that Coronavirus out there. It was the busiest couple of years I’ve ever known. If all those vaccine companies hadn’t seen an opportunity to make money and gotten themselves into high gear, this could have gone on indefinitely.

Thanatos: Fellow Reapers, we have to decide what we must do now. I knew it was a mistake when we agreed to specialize.
There was once a time when every reaper could be sent on any assignment, but then the big boss thought things might run more smoothly if each of us had a specific field. I chose Old Age because most of my clients were in a lot of pain and often welcomed me with open arms.

I thought for sure I'd always have a job. All of that has gone out the window now that stem cells have become so popular. These days, when people's parts wear out, they just call up the Lab and get a replacement. Then they go get a plastic surgical redo for their exterior, and they're good to go on indefinitely. I can't understand what they see in living longer. Social Security isn't around any more, and they're all having to go back to work.

Yama: You're right. We should never have agreed to specialize. I went into the Abortion field. I thought that would be easy. The little ones couldn't protest, since they'd never really lived. Of course in this political climate, it is illegal now. But even if it wasn't, it's just not happening as much. There are too many devices on the market to prevent pregnancy in the first place. Business has been slow for a while. It's not at all like the days when women took quinine and used coat hangers. How about you, Mot? What field were you in?

Mot: I went with Communicable Diseases. There used to be so many of those. I thought that field would never dry up. Like I said before, back in 2019 and couple of years after that, business was booming  But now every time a new disease materializes, some smart-ass scientist stays up nights coming up with a cure. They've just about stamped them all out. You know, I was around for the Black Plague. Those were the days. Still, I must admit, after dealing with all those fevers and nasty sores for centuries, I was starting to suffer burnout.

Yama pushes back his hood and scratches at the top of his skull with the tip of his scythe.

Yama:"Well, guys, we've got a real dilemma on our hands. Where are we going to go? You know they're never going to let us into Heaven, and that other place is just too warm for my taste. Thanatos, you're probably wiser than the rest of us. Didn't you study under Plato? You look as though you're contemplating something. Have you come up with a solution?

Thanatos: I've been sitting here bouncing thoughts around in my skull cavity, and I think I have an idea.. We're all going to have to go back to school and get more training. If we could get in at Yale, they have a Skull and Bones Society there. We'll change our specialties. Murder, War, and Suicide are all good fields. Gang Violence is another. I've heard they're hiring over in Chicago. Also there's a bunch of new groups that have formed, promoting violence. They came about when there was all that political unrest a few years ago. Remember back when the U.S. Capitol building was stormed?

All the  Grim Reapers nod in agreement.

Mot:
Thanatos's idea makes a lot of sense. All of those fields offer unlimited opportunity; and not only that, they sound exciting. It is never too late for a new direction. We need to visit the employment office. They may be willing to finance our further education. I’ll bet those fields are begging for applicants.

Yama:  Come on guys. We don’t need to hang around this dump, moaning the blues. Our time's not up. A new beginning is just what we need. What do you say, we all shake on it and head down to the Deadwood Saloon and celebrate our new specialities with a Bloody Mary.

The three Grim Reapers rise and shake finger-bones and exit left with hooded heads held high, and doing a dance step as they leave the scene.

Lights dim.

 



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